Confront DH about his antics or wait it out?

[Anonymous]

DH went to a reunion of the people he knew in elementary and middle school. Some had kept in touch on FB. So he flew out to his old town and stayed with relatives he hasn't seen in a while.

The reunion was at a restaurant and on FB he posted a picture that someone took of a bunch of them standing in front of a table. Anyway, a woman in the picture instead of looking at the camera is facing him and smiling. For whatever intuition, I looked her up and she posted a number of pictures, including one where he is sitting and she is behind him with her arms around his neck.

OK, by itself I'm not going to make a deal out of it but what happened next raised my eyebrows. DH was cutting the grass when the alarm on his phone kept ringing. When I turned it off, noticed his text messaging was open and it appears there has been a lot of traffic between the two. Nothing overtly sexual but teasing and double entendres. Here is an example:

Her: (picture of her in a bathing suit bending over) "having a hard day"?

Him:. Emojis, then "LOL, I need a cold shower"

DH is not the affair type. When we met, he was the guy who wouldn't know a woman was interested in him if she put a sign up saying, please ask me out. I do know that if I raised this he would be extremely embarrassed. Monitor and let it slide if the communication drops or say something?

[Anonymous]

Monitor and let it slide? Oh hell no. There is nothing acceptable about what your DH is doing. I would text the bitch back and introduce yourself as his wife. And I would definitely confront my DH. We have been married 30 years. My DH has never behaved that way. That is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a good marriage? If so yes confront. I would be PISSED if my DH did this.

[Anonymous]

Either you are a troll or you have a very low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. I wouldn’t even consider letting this slide. He is being so disrespectful to your marriage. What an ahole.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't go, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either you are a troll or you have a very low self esteem.

both

[Anonymous]

I would say something. And he should be embarrassed.

And, just for my curiosity, how old are you guys? I am trying to imagine a grown woman sending a "sexy" bathing suit text to an old friend and it just seems so foolish...

[Anonymous]

Nothing overtly sexual!? Seems pretty sexual to me.

[Anonymous]

Don't monitor, nip this in the bud.

[Anonymous]

What's the likelihood he'll actually go back to his old town and meet her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing overtly sexual!? Seems pretty sexual to me.

Overtly sexual is more than a non-nude photo. It would be writing fantasies to each other and dirty talk (err.. text).

[Anonymous]

Your husband is crossing boundaries into the single man world. The 1st picture of her looking at him fine the 2nd of her hugging him nope not ok. That picture alone can lead people to believe that theres more going on. And the 3rd bathing suit pick shows she has no morals because what grown adult woman sends a married man pictures like that. You need to confront and speak to your husband now and let him know that the texting and pictures is unacceptable and it needs to stop. It looks like even though you say he wouldn't cheat it may go there if this continues.

Me personally would have replied back and told the other woman hey nice pic but it's really classless when a grown woman is sexting s married man. Signed his wife hope you find a good man of your own.

[Anonymous]

If you do not have explicit agreement between you regarding opening the marriage one way or the other, then this is something to address.

The point is (presumably) to keep the two of you together an both happy. It's not to shame him like a puppy, but to bring you back closer together. It's hard to keep strong emotions out of this, but try -- you can talk about being upset, but try to deal with the storms of it yourself.

"Hey, I saw a woman looking at you a certain way in the pictures. I looked her up, and she's posted pictures of you with her arms around you. Then I saw the text on your phone. We have to talk about this. What's going on?"

Then listen. Try to ep your mouth shut. Almost certainly there will be minimization and justification. Ask him if he would be okay with you doing the same with someone at a reunion, and then following up with similar texts about needing a cold shower after he sends you revealing pictures.

Maybe he'll say he would. At that point you have to have a discussion about whether this is the kind of relationship you signed up for, and if the goalposts have moved. If they have, you need to talk about that together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH went to a reunion of the people he knew in elementary and middle school. Some had kept in touch on FB. So he flew out to his old town and stayed with relatives he hasn't seen in a while.

The reunion was at a restaurant and on FB he posted a picture that someone took of a bunch of them standing in front of a table. Anyway, a woman in the picture instead of looking at the camera is facing him and smiling. For whatever intuition, I looked her up and she posted a number of pictures, including one where he is sitting and she is behind him with her arms around his neck.

OK, by itself I'm not going to make a deal out of it but what happened next raised my eyebrows. DH was cutting the grass when the alarm on his phone kept ringing. When I turned it off, noticed his text messaging was open and it appears there has been a lot of traffic between the two. Nothing overtly sexual but teasing and double entendres. Here is an example:

Her: (picture of her in a bathing suit bending over) "having a hard day"?

Him:. Emojis, then "LOL, I need a cold shower"

DH is not the affair type. When we met, he was the guy who wouldn't know a woman was interested in him if she put a sign up saying, please ask me out. I do know that if I raised this he would be extremely embarrassed. Monitor and let it slide if the communication drops or say something?

Nothing overtly sexual?!?!?! What ?!?!?!