Anyone skeptical of relying on spouse in old age? How do you cope?

[Anonymous]

I would hate to have to rely on my spouse if I were to become enfeebled or had alzheimers or some other debilitating condition. This based on how she treats our special needs child and some other things I have observed over the years.

This is certainly not conducive to a health relationship. I guess one solution is to divorce. But that is not without problems since there are children involved.

I imagine a lot of wives feel this way when they complain about their husbands not helping around the house. Do they ever worry about what would happen if they had to rely on their husband as a caretaker?

I'm not asking for advice on whether or not I should worry about relying on her as a caregiver. I have years of personal experience living with her. The question is, given that the spouse is not someone you would want to rely on in old age, how does that affect your current marriage.

[Anonymous]

How would divorcing help? I more worry as we have a 10 year age difference. If I need it, my husband would take care of me so I don't worry. If your husband will not take care of you then that speaks volumes of your marriage and spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would divorcing help? I more worry as we have a 10 year age difference. If I need it, my husband would take care of me so I don't worry. If your husband will not take care of you then that speaks volumes of your marriage and spouse.

Are you dense? Divorcing gets you a chance at a NEW SPOUSE. Lololol

[Anonymous]

Think positive: maybe you'll get hit by a car and die on impact!

[Anonymous]

So, let me make sure I'm clear. You don't want her to care for you because she treats your special needs child terribly and your question is what you should do for yourself if/when you need care and no concern about the child being mistreated enough that it makes you not want this woman care for you later in life? Oh.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband so much and the idea of him taking care of me if I had dementia is heartbreaking. If he is still healthy he should be living his life. No, I would totally want to be placed in a memory care unit where he could visit me but be able to go home to some peace. I have seen Alzheimer's and know how devastating and difficult that disease can be. I hope and pray there will be a cure soon.

If I am enfeebled but still clear thinking then we would probably make due with some nurse visits or maybe it would be time to downsize and move into assisted living. It depends on the stage of life.

[Anonymous]

I distrusted my DH’s judgment and decision-making skills so deeply that I gave my father complete power of attorney to make decisions for me in case of my incapacitation. If my dad had refused, I would have asked my brothers or a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, let me make sure I'm clear. You don't want her to care for you because she treats your special needs child terribly and your question is what you should do for yourself if/when you need care and no concern about the child being mistreated enough that it makes you not want this woman care for you later in life? Oh.

OP here. One issue at a time. I’ve posted on other issues related to the marriage on here and other forums previously.

[Anonymous]

Can’t rely on him now- his ADD is something fierce and I pray all the time I don’t become physically or mentally I capacitated even for a week in the hospital.
Last kid to get into college and then I need to majorly evaluate why I’m here. It’s a real struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I distrusted my DH’s judgment and decision-making skills so deeply that I gave my father complete power of attorney to make decisions for me in case of my incapacitation. If my dad had refused, I would have asked my brothers or a friend.

I put down my brother for power of finances and power of health.

[Anonymous]

I divorced over this. I’d rather be on my own and know it and arrange my life accordingly than have an ostensible partner who is totally unreliable.

[Anonymous]

DH has severe mental health issues. He does not have power of attorney over my medical directive or any financial directives. I hope I survive long enough for my daughter to take care of this for me. If not, my sister or my nephew will handle it. I also have a lot of long-term life care insurance and savings. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Die first.

[Anonymous]

I’m counting on him getting me euthanized if my ass needs wiping from someone other than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m counting on him getting me euthanized if my ass needs wiping from someone other than me.

Not in this area.