Anyone skeptical of relying on spouse in old age? How do you cope?

[Anonymous]

My dad took care of visiting and bringing supplies to his elderly father (his mother died first) at his assisted care facility. It was a lot of work. He was one of 5 kids.
He also took my mother to chemo every single day for 30 days downtown. He also reemed the first doctor to look at the damn charts and put the patterns together - which led to them finding the actual issue and getting the proper specialists and treatment.

My husband is an absent minded professor / space cadet. He can barely advocate for his 3 yo when he has a cold.
I fear the worst and my siblings are aware.

[Anonymous]

Also, his MO is to just throw money at it and that "everything can be outsourced."

Und thinking cannot be outsourced, too much non owner operator mentality with "outsourcing everything."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many women on DCUM suggest often that women should not be a SAHM because you can't count on your H to support the family by himself and should do your part in that regard from the beginning, despite the possibility that having a SAHM when they are very young could be the best care a child can get.

So I would also suggest that no wife should assume their husband will be around and will be willing to take care of them when they are elderly or infirm. Provide for yourself, make plans for yourself, whether it's an issue now or for later on.

Personally I'm 100% counting on my adult children to do whatever they can both financially and physically to care for me as I get older should the need arise. They have both assured me I have nothing to worry about in that regard.

Not only did they see me and my siblings care for our elderly mother until the day she died they also have vivid and happy memories of me caring for them when they were little, until they were both in school full time.

I'm a SAHM and it is still my job and my husband's job to plan for our old age. I'm not putting that responsibility on my kids. No way will I do that. They need to be able to work and raise their own families. I am grateful that my own parents have felt the same way.

It was an honor for my husband, siblings, children and other family to care for my mom. She raised me and my siblings and was always there to help everyone. No way would I have not been involved in her care. My dad died from cancer, so we all rallied around him and my mom then as well. It’s what family does.

My dad died of Alzheimer's. He was confined to an Alzheimer's unit although I visited him regularly. It was a terrible, heartbreaking decline. He no longer knew who I was by the time he passed away. There were many good people in my dad's unit - a lawyer, a scientist, a judge, a teacher. They were completely incoherent, did weird things and made no sense. They also required 24/7 supervision and a safety proofed environment that their families simply could not provide at home.

You do the best you can. But sometimes things are more than you can handle alone.