Would you let your teen cut short a service trip b/c unhappy?

[Anonymous]

DD, 15, is on a two week service learning trip with a non-profit. Week one was pretty good: the kids were kept very busy doing Habitat-type work and she liked it and made a close friend. But with four more days left, she seems really unhappy. Complains that they are no longer doing service but seem to be spending a lot of time just sitting around in the base house doing nothing; there are a couple of mean girls in the group, and the counselors are themselves bratty and irresponsible college kids. There is probably some truth to all of these complaints: it does sound like the counselors are not well-organized, for instance, and they have too much down-time. Anyway, DH is in the same city as DD's service trip, visiting relatives, and she is begging him to come pick her up a few days early. Her argument: the whole point of the trip is service and they are not doing any more service, and she is miserable and feels like this is a waste of time, basically sitting around doing very little with people she does not much like.

DH thinks he should just go get her a few days early. I think she should stick it out. I said I thought it might be reasonable for him to pick her up a little early- like the night before the scheduled end of the trip - but that leaving three days early is not appropriate. I guess I feel like dealing with annoying people, boredom and disappointing situations is part of life, and she should suck it up. DH is sympathetic to DD's view that there is no point sticking it out when she is neither doing service nor having fun and it's no burden on us to have her leave a few days early.

Thoughts? WWYD in this situation?

[Anonymous]

She needs to suck it up. She signed up for this and who knows what else they have planned. By all means, feel free to give feedback after the trip that there was too much downtime.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, I'd go get my kid if they were unhappy. Those service trips are about the parents looking for things for their kids to do vs. benefit to the people they are helping and you'd be better off donating the money vs. paying travel costs. I never understood that when there are plenty of volunteer jobs locally. Go get your kid.

[Anonymous]

Suck it up. Dealing with boredom is a good skill to learn. There must be SOMETHING that she can occupy her time with. Even if this service trip is to a town similar to where she grew up, I'm sure she could look out the window and observe passers by. Even staring at a parade of ants can teach her something.

[Anonymous]

The lesson is that people can waste your valuable time? No. She comes home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up. Dealing with boredom is a good skill to learn. There must be SOMETHING that she can occupy her time with. Even if this service trip is to a town similar to where she grew up, I'm sure she could look out the window and observe passers by. Even staring at a parade of ants can teach her something.

Wanted to add - she could think about how to improve the service trip and give it more structure. When she comes back, she can give constructive feedback to the organizers. And if you decide to let her leave early, you should definitely make her write up a plan for improving the service trip. Make *that* the productive thing she does with the extra three days.

[Anonymous]

OP - you know too much. I can't imagine having/allowing that much contact, unless something was wrong, when they are doing this activity. Contact should be for emergencies only

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up. Dealing with boredom is a good skill to learn. There must be SOMETHING that she can occupy her time with. Even if this service trip is to a town similar to where she grew up, I'm sure she could look out the window and observe passers by. Even staring at a parade of ants can teach her something.

Wanted to add - she could think about how to improve the service trip and give it more structure. When she comes back, she can give constructive feedback to the organizers. And if you decide to let her leave early, you should definitely make her write up a plan for improving the service trip. Make *that* the productive thing she does with the extra three days.

The organizers don't care or they'd be doing more now. Those service trips are a money grab.

[Anonymous]

She should flex her leadership muscle and get them back in service gear. No I would not let her come home.

[Anonymous]

If you bring her home all you are teaching her is that her time and her happiness are more important than the experience of the team, the commitment she made, or the people that she’s serving. It’s not surprising that a teen would have the immature expectation of coming home to her discontent but you needn’t abet this immaturity.

I am the leader of a high school after school activity that requires commitment even through boring parts of the process. That you would dream of bringing her home early is appalling to me. Grit is a buzzword for a reason. She is not in danger. Let her develop some character. She has to tough t out.

[Anonymous]

Not getting her teachers her she cannot rely on her parents to get her out of a bad situation. She's 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you bring her home all you are teaching her is that her time and her happiness are more important than the experience of the team, the commitment she made, or the people that she’s serving. It’s not surprising that a teen would have the immature expectation of coming home to her discontent but you needn’t abet this immaturity.

I am the leader of a high school after school activity that requires commitment even through boring parts of the process. That you would dream of bringing her home early is appalling to me. Grit is a buzzword for a reason. She is not in danger. Let her develop some character. She has to tough t out.

Um... OP does not want to let her come home. So why are you appalled at OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suck it up. Dealing with boredom is a good skill to learn. There must be SOMETHING that she can occupy her time with. Even if this service trip is to a town similar to where she grew up, I'm sure she could look out the window and observe passers by. Even staring at a parade of ants can teach her something.

Wanted to add - she could think about how to improve the service trip and give it more structure. When she comes back, she can give constructive feedback to the organizers. And if you decide to let her leave early, you should definitely make her write up a plan for improving the service trip. Make *that* the productive thing she does with the extra three days.

The organizers don't care or they'd be doing more now. Those service trips are a money grab.

Overgeneralize much, PP?

[Anonymous]

No right or wrong answer here! Use your parenting instinct.

[Anonymous]

“Service trip” — such BS. Your daughter needs to suck it up and stay. The level of coddling is ridiculous.

Either way, I’m sure she’ll make a big deal of it in her college essays.