Would you let your teen cut short a service trip b/c unhappy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The trip is supposed to end with a pickup at 9am Friday. I told her DH would pick her up Thursday evening. That way she stays through the “closing ceremony” stuff with the group but will get sprung 12 hours early. Apparently several other kids are also getting picked up Thursday evening so things are pretty much over after that. She was not too happy but is sucking it up....

I’m not as negative about service trips as some people here are. It depends on the nature of the trip, obviously. In this one, the kids were working with an established NGO providing the unskilled labor. She learned how to put up drywall, frame windows, paint, use a drill, and so on. These are useful skills for a girl to have, and they learned a fair amount about the socioeconomic context in the neighborhood they worked in. Aside from disorganized counselors and a couple of mean girls, it seems like a good program.

I think kids need to learn to: spend time away from home; deal with new and sometimes annoying people; learn new skills, learn that there are many people both in the US and elsewhere who face struggles they do not face; discover that they can learn from strangers, etc. Well-run service trips that work in appropriate and respectful ways with local NGOS can do all those things, and provide local groups with free labor. Are there poorly run trips that are basically tourism for privileged kids and offer no benefit for local communities? Sure. But not all service trips are like that.

They are all like that, how much did you pay for this? All of these are poorly run and they are all like that. DH did do Habitat for Humanity in DC area, but he is an electrician and did work that would cost someone else thousands of dollars, you privilege and ignorance is appalling. You want you kid to learn to put dry wall? And you outsource it and called say she is doing a service?

[Anonymous]

Dry wall hung by unskilled teens. God help those poor poor homeowners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you know too much. I can't imagine having/allowing that much contact, unless something was wrong, when they are doing this activity. Contact should be for emergencies only

+1

Completely agree with this. How are you getting all these details?

Cut the cord, OP. She's there, she stays there. A few more days won't kill her. And tell her to put the damn phone away and concentrate on what she's supposed to be doing.

[Anonymous]

Get picked up a few hours earlier is fine.
For now on I would not finance any more "service trips."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poverty tourism makes me sick. It was a stupid idea in the first place.

Your self-righteousness must give you an upset stomach quite a lot. My guess is it gives others an upset stomach too.

So... you think privileged kids should NOT try to learn anything about the world outside their privileged bubbles? They should just, what, sit at home and hope someone different from themselves will show up at their door and explain how the world works? Or maybe not bother, and just live their lives in happy obliviousness of the fact that right on our country, many people struggle? Assuming we want even privileged kids to grow up to work for social and economic justice, what exactly do you think should happen to magically transform them into socially responsible adults? They can’t do actual tourism because that is bratty. They can’t do community service because you regard that as exploitative. So you suggest... what, exactly? Please educate us, oh wise one.

[Anonymous]

You made the right call, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poverty tourism makes me sick. It was a stupid idea in the first place.

Your self-righteousness must give you an upset stomach quite a lot. My guess is it gives others an upset stomach too.

So... you think privileged kids should NOT try to learn anything about the world outside their privileged bubbles? They should just, what, sit at home and hope someone different from themselves will show up at their door and explain how the world works? Or maybe not bother, and just live their lives in happy obliviousness of the fact that right on our country, many people struggle? Assuming we want even privileged kids to grow up to work for social and economic justice, what exactly do you think should happen to magically transform them into socially responsible adults? They can’t do actual tourism because that is bratty. They can’t do community service because you regard that as exploitative. So you suggest... what, exactly? Please educate us, oh wise one.

DP- community service isn’t the same thing as unskilled kids trying to do the work of skilled tradespeople. Poor people deserve a well built home. Their needs are more than just a “teaching moment” for your entitled teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poverty tourism makes me sick. It was a stupid idea in the first place.

Your self-righteousness must give you an upset stomach quite a lot. My guess is it gives others an upset stomach too.

So... you think privileged kids should NOT try to learn anything about the world outside their privileged bubbles? They should just, what, sit at home and hope someone different from themselves will show up at their door and explain how the world works? Or maybe not bother, and just live their lives in happy obliviousness of the fact that right on our country, many people struggle? Assuming we want even privileged kids to grow up to work for social and economic justice, what exactly do you think should happen to magically transform them into socially responsible adults? They can’t do actual tourism because that is bratty. They can’t do community service because you regard that as exploitative. So you suggest... what, exactly? Please educate us, oh wise one.

DP- community service isn’t the same thing as unskilled kids trying to do the work of skilled tradespeople. Poor people deserve a well built home. Their needs are more than just a “teaching moment” for your entitled teen.

+100

If you truly have a shit about doing service or having your teen understand not everyone lives a privileged life you’d have them volunteering in your own community—or maybe the next one over if you’ve really secluded yourself with the elites. There are plenty of opportunities to sort donated goods at shelters, serve food, clean up and do things less “cool” than attempt to build a house with no skills. If you think you need to send your kid on some big trip just to see that poor people exist then you aren’t doing much to teach them about their own privilege.

[Anonymous]

PP, why exactly are you assuming OP does not already do that? The community service at home and a short summer service trip are not mutually exclusive. Check you self-righteousness. You don’t know this family or this program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, why exactly are you assuming OP does not already do that? The community service at home and a short summer service trip are not mutually exclusive. Check you self-righteousness. You don’t know this family or this program.

Well apparently we know this program is for hanging out and padding the college application.
My kid doesn’t need to learn that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, why exactly are you assuming OP does not already do that? The community service at home and a short summer service trip are not mutually exclusive. Check you self-righteousness. You don’t know this family or this program.

Different PP, but I’m going to say that if this kid was regulary part of a church service group, she would likely have friends, or at least know some of the other kids casually. Church service groups aren’t usually sending the highest bidder, but rather, a group of kids with a track record of desire to service.

I’m sorry, but most of these “service trips” are exactly what PP called them: poverty tourism. To me, these trips smack of the same kind of privileged faux help that gets doled out on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s more about SAYING they helped, than if the people they were “servicing” were actually helped.

Because if you helped and no one cool / in your friend circle / desirable knew about it, did you really help at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, why exactly are you assuming OP does not already do that? The community service at home and a short summer service trip are not mutually exclusive. Check you self-righteousness. You don’t know this family or this program.

Well apparently we know this program is for hanging out and padding the college application.
My kid doesn’t need to learn that.

No, "we" know no such thing. Again, why are you making so many assumptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, why exactly are you assuming OP does not already do that? The community service at home and a short summer service trip are not mutually exclusive. Check you self-righteousness. You don’t know this family or this program.

Different PP, but I’m going to say that if this kid was regulary part of a church service group, she would likely have friends, or at least know some of the other kids casually. Church service groups aren’t usually sending the highest bidder, but rather, a group of kids with a track record of desire to service.

I’m sorry, but most of these “service trips” are exactly what PP called them: poverty tourism. To me, these trips smack of the same kind of privileged faux help that gets doled out on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s more about SAYING they helped, than if the people they were “servicing” were actually helped.

Because if you helped and no one cool / in your friend circle / desirable knew about it, did you really help at all?

"Different PP," why don't you start a thread debating the pros and cons of different types of service programs instead of making assumptions about this one and bashing OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Poverty tourism makes me sick. It was a stupid idea in the first place.

Your self-righteousness must give you an upset stomach quite a lot. My guess is it gives others an upset stomach too.

So... you think privileged kids should NOT try to learn anything about the world outside their privileged bubbles? They should just, what, sit at home and hope someone different from themselves will show up at their door and explain how the world works? Or maybe not bother, and just live their lives in happy obliviousness of the fact that right on our country, many people struggle? Assuming we want even privileged kids to grow up to work for social and economic justice, what exactly do you think should happen to magically transform them into socially responsible adults? They can’t do actual tourism because that is bratty. They can’t do community service because you regard that as exploitative. So you suggest... what, exactly? Please educate us, oh wise one.

Get a job?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Service trip” — such BS. Your daughter needs to suck it up and stay. The level of coddling is ridiculous.

Either way, I’m sure she’ll make a big deal of it in her college essays.

You know, actually, it probably would make a better essay to write about why the service trip was bad, as opposed to why it was good.