Middle School Sleepover -- How much sleep happens?

[Anonymous]

DD is in 8th grade and will go to a few sleepovers a year. It used to be that she would get 6 or so hrs of sleep -- not ideal, but fine. Lately her friend group has taken to literally staying up all night, so they get maybe 2 hrs sleep.

DD tends to get sick easily, and one ruined night's sleep like this makes it highly likely she will get sick in the next week and miss at least 1 day of school. When we host here, I enforce midnight lights out rule, but it seems like no other parents do that.

Anyhow, I am curious to know how much sleep happens elsewhere? Is this the norm that kids really don't sleep at all? 2 hours seems crazy to me, but maybe I am hopelessly out of touch.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

When I went to sleepover parties or did sleepovers with friends it was often 0-2 hours. As much as 4 hours was rare.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea, and don't really care. If DD is tired, she takes a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea, and don't really care. If DD is tired, she takes a nap.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

If you don’t know what the amount of sleep is, you’re presumably not hosting. If not, please reciprocate. Either way, parents don’t need to make sure they get some sleep as a courtesy. Makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

If you don’t know what the amount of sleep is, you’re presumably not hosting. If not, please reciprocate. Either way, parents don’t need to make sure they get some sleep as a courtesy. Makes no sense.

A) We do host and I enforce a midnight lights out.

B) I think it's a courtesy to kids who actually need sleep because it's a lot to ask of a kid to try to get their friends to be quiet so they can sleep. So in the same way I wouldn't have kids over for dinner and serve only ice cream, I don't host sleepovers and let the children not sleep at all. I do let them stay up several hours past when we normally would sleep.

But I get how if you have a child who can take a nap the next day and be fine you really might not get this. DD literally has 50/50 odds after a sleepover with no sleep of getting sick within the next 7 days and missing 1-2 days of school. She really needs to get at least some sleep every night. And I'm not asking for 8 hours. 6 was fine. But all of a sudden now it's 2.

[Anonymous]

In middle school, they get a few hours of sleep. In high school, you’re just happy if they’re sober and actually stay where you think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

You can't make kids sleep even if you take away electronics. They could talk all night long. I make my son and his friend hand over electronics at 11pm but they still talk until midnight or later when I fall asleep. Why not just wait until the summer when your kid doesn't have much going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

Have your child take a nap when they go home. As my son gets older, I really am starting to dislike the parents that drop thier kids off at my house with a list of rules they want all the kids to follow. At age 6 sure, I want to know what we can do to help your kid sleep. Age 12 and above, let them have fun. If that does not work for your kid, you have to keep them home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

If you don’t know what the amount of sleep is, you’re presumably not hosting. If not, please reciprocate. Either way, parents don’t need to make sure they get some sleep as a courtesy. Makes no sense.

A) We do host and I enforce a midnight lights out.

B) I think it's a courtesy to kids who actually need sleep because it's a lot to ask of a kid to try to get their friends to be quiet so they can sleep. So in the same way I wouldn't have kids over for dinner and serve only ice cream, I don't host sleepovers and let the children not sleep at all. I do let them stay up several hours past when we normally would sleep.

But I get how if you have a child who can take a nap the next day and be fine you really might not get this. DD literally has 50/50 odds after a sleepover with no sleep of getting sick within the next 7 days and missing 1-2 days of school. She really needs to get at least some sleep every night. And I'm not asking for 8 hours. 6 was fine. But all of a sudden now it's 2.

My kid will almost always vomit after a night like that. The last 2 times I stayed up and picked her up at midnight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

You can't make kids sleep even if you take away electronics. They could talk all night long. I make my son and his friend hand over electronics at 11pm but they still talk until midnight or later when I fall asleep. Why not just wait until the summer when your kid doesn't have much going on?

I might have to, but I'm just wondering whether it's fair/reasonable to ask for some sleep to occur. Seems the answer is no. And that's fine, I just need to adjust. Sucks for DD who doesn't want to be left out, but the fallout from the all night party is pretty severe around here. It would be nice if other parents would help encourage some sleep as well, but again, I seem to be an outlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

If you don’t know what the amount of sleep is, you’re presumably not hosting. If not, please reciprocate. Either way, parents don’t need to make sure they get some sleep as a courtesy. Makes no sense.

A) We do host and I enforce a midnight lights out.

B) I think it's a courtesy to kids who actually need sleep because it's a lot to ask of a kid to try to get their friends to be quiet so they can sleep. So in the same way I wouldn't have kids over for dinner and serve only ice cream, I don't host sleepovers and let the children not sleep at all. I do let them stay up several hours past when we normally would sleep.

But I get how if you have a child who can take a nap the next day and be fine you really might not get this. DD literally has 50/50 odds after a sleepover with no sleep of getting sick within the next 7 days and missing 1-2 days of school. She really needs to get at least some sleep every night. And I'm not asking for 8 hours. 6 was fine. But all of a sudden now it's 2.

My kid will almost always vomit after a night like that. The last 2 times I stayed up and picked her up at midnight

At least I'm not the only one! And sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

Have your child take a nap when they go home. As my son gets older, I really am starting to dislike the parents that drop thier kids off at my house with a list of rules they want all the kids to follow. At age 6 sure, I want to know what we can do to help your kid sleep. Age 12 and above, let them have fun. If that does not work for your kid, you have to keep them home.

I hear you, honestly. That's why I'm asking. I didn't think "hey my child actually needs to sleep at night" was too crazy a request, but it seems to be. But it's an actual health issue, not just me being high maintenance. So just FYI for some of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

You can't make kids sleep even if you take away electronics. They could talk all night long. I make my son and his friend hand over electronics at 11pm but they still talk until midnight or later when I fall asleep. Why not just wait until the summer when your kid doesn't have much going on?

I might have to, but I'm just wondering whether it's fair/reasonable to ask for some sleep to occur. Seems the answer is no. And that's fine, I just need to adjust. Sucks for DD who doesn't want to be left out, but the fallout from the all night party is pretty severe around here. It would be nice if other parents would help encourage some sleep as well, but again, I seem to be an outlier.

As a parent of a tween/teen, I think you would know already that you can't make anyone eat, drink or sleep. How exactly do you want other parents to "encourage some sleep" other than taking away distractions like electronics?