Middle School Sleepover -- How much sleep happens?

[Anonymous]

I’m with you, op, my kid is a wreck after no sleep sleepovers. I would never ask a parent to monitor at that age, but I would be very hesitant to say yes a second time, or I would pick her up early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

You can't make kids sleep even if you take away electronics. They could talk all night long. I make my son and his friend hand over electronics at 11pm but they still talk until midnight or later when I fall asleep. Why not just wait until the summer when your kid doesn't have much going on?

I might have to, but I'm just wondering whether it's fair/reasonable to ask for some sleep to occur. Seems the answer is no. And that's fine, I just need to adjust. Sucks for DD who doesn't want to be left out, but the fallout from the all night party is pretty severe around here. It would be nice if other parents would help encourage some sleep as well, but again, I seem to be an outlier.

As a parent of a tween/teen, I think you would know already that you can't make anyone eat, drink or sleep. How exactly do you want other parents to "encourage some sleep" other than taking away distractions like electronics?

I enforce dark and quiet. I know I can't make the kids sleep. But if it's dark and quiet, at least the kids who want to fall asleep can get some rest. It's not that hard.

It does make me a bit of a pain in the ass from the perspective of some of the kids, but I don't really care. I also make kids wear seat belts in my car, etc. That's what I'm looking for. And to PP, yes, it's hard when there are houses that don't enforce any sleep because then you are in a hard spot of having to say no the next time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Children's physical and mental resilience exist on a spectrum, and parenting can become a challenge when you have a child who is sensitive physically or mentally.

My 14 year old cannot function on less than 6 hours of sleep.

On the other hand, he has great mental resilience, and I trust him to make good judgements. One of his good judgements is that he's not a good candidate for sleepovers, except if he's with similarly responsible friends who actually set themselves a light-outs time!

My daughter is the opposite. Sometimes I feel that's even more tricky...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound annoying.

Yeah. We might not get along. It's OK. You be you.

My only point here was to see what the odds are that I have any kindred spirits on the whole, "my kid needs sleep, is that too much to ask?" thing. Still pretty small sample size, but I think the answer is mostly yes, that's too much to ask. And that's fine.

I'm not trying to change the culture. But I wanted a gut check on this. I just have to adjust accordingly as others said.

I'll still run my house my rules. It's also good to give your kid that out, too. Easier for her to say "I have to sleep or my mom won't let me do sleepovers" then "I can't function as well as the rest of you on zero sleep." So that's one reason to be a hard ass. If it makes anonymous message board people dislike me I can live with it.

[Anonymous]

OP my kid is like yours and I’d be annoyed, too. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a parent to come tell the kids to STFU around midnight or so.

[Anonymous]

The point of a sleepover is to have fun. Dark and quiet? She can do that at home. The only way to ensure it is quiet is to separate the kids. If that is the case, you might as well keep her at home. You sound like a stick in the mud OP.

[Anonymous]

My DD would often get sick as well after sleepovers. Double whammy -- no sleep and lots of germs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound annoying.

Yeah. We might not get along. It's OK. You be you.

My only point here was to see what the odds are that I have any kindred spirits on the whole, "my kid needs sleep, is that too much to ask?" thing. Still pretty small sample size, but I think the answer is mostly yes, that's too much to ask. And that's fine.

I'm not trying to change the culture. But I wanted a gut check on this. I just have to adjust accordingly as others said.

I'll still run my house my rules. It's also good to give your kid that out, too. Easier for her to say "I have to sleep or my mom won't let me do sleepovers" then "I can't function as well as the rest of you on zero sleep." So that's one reason to be a hard ass. If it makes anonymous message board people dislike me I can live with it.

Despite saying that you aren’t trying to change anything, you have mentioned multiple times that you wish parents would encourage sleep....sooo kind seems like you are trying to change minds.

[Anonymous]

My younger DD had a sleep over for her 7th birthday. I enforced quiet lights out at 11 and had lots of parents the next day “impressed” by how much they slept. They are 6 and 7!! I was definitely not going to let them stay up all night! Maybe people could provide a separate room/area for kids who want to go to sleep at 11 or 12 and enforce a “no bothering the sleepers” rule? I am kind of with OP that I would prefer an adult to ensure that kids who want to go to sleep and get 4-6 hours get that opportunity. My recollection from my youth is some kids just fell asleep through the racket and others stayed up later/all night. I certainly wouldn’t encourage staying up all night but apparently I am an outlier even among parents of 6-7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school, they get a few hours of sleep. In high school, you’re just happy if they’re sober and actually stay where you think they are.

Yup, that is where I'm at now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. I probably wouldn't care as much if my kid could hang with it, but she really can't. She's never been able to cope on no sleep, from infancy on. I don't want to not allow sleepovers, but the no sleep thing is simply so much worse for her than it appears to be for her friends, I really don't know how to handle it.

It seems like a courtesy to me that parents could at least make sure the kids get SOME sleep, but it seems I'm an outlier here.

Can she sleep when she gets home the next morning? If so, you could allow sleepovers when she has nothing at all scheduled for the next day, but when she does have something scheduled, no sleepovers the night before.

[Anonymous]

Bus picks up at 6:35 for my son. On the 3 days he swims (about 2 1/2 hours out of the house), if he has homework, he ends up going to bed between 10-11:30. Our aim is for him to be in bed by 9:30, asleep by 10pm. It is so hard. I'm glad it is only 2 years.

[Anonymous]

What...lights out at a sleepover? I thought the point was to stay up all night playing, talking, watching movies, playing games, eating junk til they all collapsed. That what my DD and her friends do (both when she has friends overnight or spends the night with friends). I only allow sleepovers on Friday/Saturday night cause I know she'll need a day to recover.

[Anonymous]

girls and boys are very different in my experience. girls stay up all night. the boys don't.