If you have young children, have you contemplated divorce?

[Anonymous]

I’m 41 with two kids who are five and eight. Over the past year or so,!I have probably had conversations with 50% of my friends who have said they are / were contemplating divorce. As far as I know, none of these are situations involving addiction and abuse etc. Just general frustration and unhappiness. At this point, none of them have gone through with it. Do you think this is the norm? My marriage is by NO means perfect, but I have never thought of ending it. Is this normal in your circle?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to want to throw in the towel during the little kid years. However, I have not had a large number of friends tell me they’re actually contemplating divorce.

I have observed a few friends who appear (in my estimation) to be laying the groundwork for an eventual exit, but they haven’t admitted that. I’ve also seen a few marriages just blow up.

[Anonymous]

I am basically you, but I have wanted out for years. I doubted the marriage, regretted it immediately but stayed to try to make it work. Dumb. I should have cut my losses—or broken up while dating, which I attempted but was talked out of. Divorce will happen...just a matter of when.

[Anonymous]

My husband did some things some people would call abuse. But he didn't hit me or anything. I definitely contemplated divorce. I had to at least think about what I would do if he left me for his girlfriend.

I made some changes that would make it easier for me to leave or cope with him leaving. Job stuff, kid's school stuff. Also, I worked on my appearance a lot, in part by requesting more of my husband when it comes to kid/house stuff so I have more time to go to the gym, get my nails done, etc.

It's gotten better. I'm in a better place and it helps to know I could more easily leave if I decided to. But I'd still prefer not to.

[Anonymous]

Obviously.

[Anonymous]

They’re looking for an exit point, when the kids are more independent in school and the start of college are two big ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously.

+1. He had an epiphany recently in which he realized that marrying him must be one of my biggest life regrets. I said nothing, but he’s right. I regret it. Ladies, if while he’s proposing, your brain is screaming, “SAY NO & RUN,” listen to your brain and run. I was too young and naive to know better... I thought the fact that he was kind would make up for everything else.

Why don’t we divorce? He is truly kind. He is a good father. Mainly, though, it’s because he barely earns any money and separating means my child would be living in squalor when she stays with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

No. Our kids are 6 and 7. DH and I are really happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously.

What does this mean?

That most marriages suffer temporarily during the trench warfare that is early childhood, especially if there are several children close in age.

This is also the stressful time when some couples realize that it's actually not working out.

Then some couples decide to stay together for the children, to avoid money and custody issues.

And a subset separate when the kids go off to college.

[Anonymous]

No, I haven’t. Kids are 6, 4, and 1. It’s hard sometimes but we have a strong marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 41 with two kids who are five and eight. Over the past year or so,!I have probably had conversations with 50% of my friends who have said they are / were contemplating divorce. As far as I know, none of these are situations involving addiction and abuse etc. Just general frustration and unhappiness. At this point, none of them have gone through with it. Do you think this is the norm? My marriage is by NO means perfect, but I have never thought of ending it. Is this normal in your circle?

The angry, yelling all the time, verbal abusive couples yes. Of course they are both or the abuser is total angel outside of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 41 with two kids who are five and eight. Over the past year or so,!I have probably had conversations with 50% of my friends who have said they are / were contemplating divorce. As far as I know, none of these are situations involving addiction and abuse etc. Just general frustration and unhappiness. At this point, none of them have gone through with it. Do you think this is the norm? My marriage is by NO means perfect, but I have never thought of ending it. Is this normal in your circle?

I’m 15 years ahead of you so I’ve been there and done that. At 41 I had plenty of friends who felt the same way as your friends but while I had my frustrations I was never unhappy. Being a mom, wife and having a career is really hard but my husband was a good partner during all of the chaos. I finally just stopped listening to the complainers because I didn’t want it to affect me. Now our life is better than ever.

[Anonymous]

Squalor? Seriously? Do you know what real squalor looks like, smells like, feels like, and tastes like?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not! Our life with kids 6, 3 and 1 is insane but it is an adventure that we brought on as a couple and we will survive it. My parents did and they are crazily happy after 40 years.