If you have young children, have you contemplated divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not! Our life with kids 6, 3 and 1 is insane but it is an adventure that we brought on as a couple and we will survive it. My parents did and they are crazily happy after 40 years.

Did your parents also have 3 kids?

And maybe one of the reasons you're so happy is that you have an extended family to help out with childcare. Being able to unwind and reconnect even just a couple hours a week makes a HUGE difference to a marriage. Otherwise you just realize more and more the things you can't stand about the other person.

We have kids 5, 3, 1 and we absolutely talk about divorcing. No family in the country to help at all though. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not! Our life with kids 6, 3 and 1 is insane but it is an adventure that we brought on as a couple and we will survive it. My parents did and they are crazily happy after 40 years.

Did your parents also have 3 kids?

And maybe one of the reasons you're so happy is that you have an extended family to help out with childcare. Being able to unwind and reconnect even just a couple hours a week makes a HUGE difference to a marriage. Otherwise you just realize more and more the things you can't stand about the other person.

We have kids 5, 3, 1 and we absolutely talk about divorcing. No family in the country to help at all though. It's hard.

I'm a different poster but we don't have extended family around to help out with our elementary age kids. When we want to go out we hire someone. Which we do regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously.

+1. He had an epiphany recently in which he realized that marrying him must be one of my biggest life regrets. I said nothing, but he’s right. I regret it. Ladies, if while he’s proposing, your brain is screaming, “SAY NO & RUN,” listen to your brain and run. I was too young and naive to know better... I thought the fact that he was kind would make up for everything else.

Why don’t we divorce? He is truly kind. He is a good father. Mainly, though, it’s because he barely earns any money and separating means my child would be living in squalor when she stays with him.

I could have written this post. I was young and naive and thought that being a good person would make up for other things. Now? He is a wonderful father, the kids love him and I don't want to blow up their world.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Kids are 10 & 5. And if my friends think about divorcing, they don’t mention it to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes but his untreated mental issues became untenable after kid 2. I am giving him 12 mos to see earnest change via psychiatrist and therapy, and if not, then am out for the health and safety of myself and kids.

[Anonymous]

I can say honestly that it never even crosses my mind. Sometimes I fantasize about running away from everything and just living on a beach in Mexico forever but even in those fantasies he's with me (can't say the same for the kids lol).

Honestly with a 3 yo and a 1 yo I would drown without him.

[Anonymous]

Yep every day. 5 and 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

3 and 1 here. We're really happy. Married 11 years. I will say that my DH does more chores and childcare than anyone else's husband I know.

[Anonymous]

Never. Kids are 10, 7, and 3. It is stressful at times but we are great together.

[Anonymous]

Not divorce. I have no desire to go through custody battles and have my kids go back and forth between homes for the rest of their lives. Plus, from what I have seen of divorce with children involved, I would have to keep all of the bad things (living in a city I don’t like, the criticism from DH, the badmouthing me to the kids), and lose the things I do like (the sex, the companionship).
But I do sometimes wish he would just die. Or even that he would let me and the kids live somewhere else while they are growing up and just come to visit sometimes. Then we could live together again when they are grown.

[Anonymous]

I thought about whether we would “make it” a couple times - as in the thought crossed my mind that maybe we wouldn’t - but that was during the baby years with the first when we were working out our different parenting instincts/styles. It never got to the point where I seriously considered doing it at that moment in time, it was more I considered it was something that could possibly happen in the future.

I’ve had moments with jobs where I’ve said “if i still feel like this in X amount of time I’m leaving.” I’ve never gotten to that point in my marriage. Kids are 10 and 7 so the baby/toddler years are now behind us. Youngest in elementary school is a major milestone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not! Our life with kids 6, 3 and 1 is insane but it is an adventure that we brought on as a couple and we will survive it. My parents did and they are crazily happy after 40 years.

Did your parents also have 3 kids?

And maybe one of the reasons you're so happy is that you have an extended family to help out with childcare. Being able to unwind and reconnect even just a couple hours a week makes a HUGE difference to a marriage. Otherwise you just realize more and more the things you can't stand about the other person.

We have kids 5, 3, 1 and we absolutely talk about divorcing. No family in the country to help at all though. It's hard.

PP- yes they did have three kids with the same age differences as ours. They both had careers so I’m sure they faced tons of stress. They only live near us a few months of the year and they do baby sit once in awhile which is a real gift. When growing up I never heard them argue and they always seemed to be on the same wave length on just about everything. I think what has helped is that my dad has always had tremendous respect for my mother’s intelligence and that has created a wonderful relationship on many levels.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never thought about divorce and we’ve got four young children. I do wish I could clone myself for an extra set of hands! I’ve never heard any of my GF’s seriously talk about divorce but every marriage has some stress especially when you have young children. And I do avoid spending time with people who seem to constantly bitch about their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not divorce. I have no desire to go through custody battles and have my kids go back and forth between homes for the rest of their lives. Plus, from what I have seen of divorce with children involved, I would have to keep all of the bad things (living in a city I don’t like, the criticism from DH, the badmouthing me to the kids), and lose the things I do like (the sex, the companionship).
But I do sometimes wish he would just die. Or even that he would let me and the kids live somewhere else while they are growing up and just come to visit sometimes. Then we could live together again when they are grown.

Odd if that's how you feel about him I can't imagine you'd want much sex from him. I simply looked around at friends and acquaintances. They went through all of that, and their kids had to endure a lot not to mention messed up finances. Glad I stayed married. Many that divorced never recovered financially.

[Anonymous]

No, I sometimes do wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into but I’ve never contemplated divorce. I know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel when they get older so I look forward to that. At the same time amid the chaos there are so many precious moments being the mother of young children that I hate that those moments will end someday.