If you have young children, have you contemplated divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not divorce. I have no desire to go through custody battles and have my kids go back and forth between homes for the rest of their lives. Plus, from what I have seen of divorce with children involved, I would have to keep all of the bad things (living in a city I don’t like, the criticism from DH, the badmouthing me to the kids), and lose the things I do like (the sex, the companionship).
But I do sometimes wish he would just die. Or even that he would let me and the kids live somewhere else while they are growing up and just come to visit sometimes. Then we could live together again when they are grown.

Odd if that's how you feel about him I can't imagine you'd want much sex from him. I simply looked around at friends and acquaintances. They went through all of that, and their kids had to endure a lot not to mention messed up finances. Glad I stayed married. Many that divorced never recovered financially.

I didn’t say anything about how I feel about him. I like him and love him. It’s just that right now, while I am raising small children, my life would be a lot easier if he just didn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

No, we had every expectation that having children was going to upend our lives and put strain and stress on our relationship and it has but we are surviving it. I guess if you think it will be smooth sailing and it isn't can create big problems.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Realistic expectations of child rearing and staying married helps a lot. Cluelessness does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. Realistic expectations of child rearing and staying married helps a lot. Cluelessness does not.

I’m very close with my mother and we’ve had a lot of talks about expectations and challenges both before we started to have children and even now that we have three. She and my dad have a wonderful relationship and they did when we were growing up so I’m happy to take advice from a qualified expert.

[Anonymous]

Yes, about every six months and it last for a few months then goes away. Marriage is difficult for me. I miss freedoms and am selfish. I shouldn’t have done it but did so don’t want to implode my child’s world.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Spouse hit the wall of adulthood and failed.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm a few years older (45), and fast approaching the empty nest stage with only one kid still at home - things didn't start going south for my marriage until now. Had no real issues during the younger years. From my perspective, I'm seeing more of our friends divorce during this phase than when the kids were young. Although, there were a few. Maybe issues begin to manifest themselves when the kids are young, however. Thus the reason your friends are talking about divorce but not pulling the trigger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. Realistic expectations of child rearing and staying married helps a lot. Cluelessness does not.

This is the key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'm a few years older (45), and fast approaching the empty nest stage with only one kid still at home - things didn't start going south for my marriage until now. Had no real issues during the younger years. From my perspective, I'm seeing more of our friends divorce during this phase than when the kids were young. Although, there were a few. Maybe issues begin to manifest themselves when the kids are young, however. Thus the reason your friends are talking about divorce but not pulling the trigger

What kind of issues? Different interests? Boredom?

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. Realistic expectations of child rearing and staying married helps a lot. Cluelessness does not.

This is the key.

From husband and from wife.

Roles, responsibilities, and goals of child raising should be discussed during pre martial counseling to suss out cluelessness.

For example, my husband thought he could keep his same routine (work, dinner, tv, sleep) throughout raising kids. And got very angry at being asked to pick up after himself, take a kid to the doctor when needed, sign up for activities, put down his iPhone when his kids where trying to talk with him.

[Anonymous]

For me it RE: expectations, one spouse thought there should be No disagreements, discussions, or problems to deal with and thus if anything came up they took it personally and swept it under the rug.

Just like their parents did.

Nothing got resolved, nothing got done, small stuff became big stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not divorce. I have no desire to go through custody battles and have my kids go back and forth between homes for the rest of their lives. Plus, from what I have seen of divorce with children involved, I would have to keep all of the bad things (living in a city I don’t like, the criticism from DH, the badmouthing me to the kids), and lose the things I do like (the sex, the companionship).
But I do sometimes wish he would just die. Or even that he would let me and the kids live somewhere else while they are growing up and just come to visit sometimes. Then we could live together again when they are grown.

This is me, minus the 'live together when they are grown' bit. I have his odds of dying by then figured in very high. ... It was so wierd to read thoughts that I have never shared with anyone. So thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree. Realistic expectations of child rearing and staying married helps a lot. Cluelessness does not.

This is the key.

From husband and from wife.

Roles, responsibilities, and goals of child raising should be discussed during pre martial counseling to suss out cluelessness.

For example, my husband thought he could keep his same routine (work, dinner, tv, sleep) throughout raising kids. And got very angry at being asked to pick up after himself, take a kid to the doctor when needed, sign up for activities, put down his iPhone when his kids where trying to talk with him. [/quote
Are you still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Spouse hit the wall of adulthood and failed.

Lol. Mine too. Hard. Wall of adulthood and 40's onset mental illness.