Feeling disrespected by both men.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a jerk of a husband. We went to the bank together to get a 200K cashiers check for settlement Wednesday. I told the teller we wanted it in both our names. The teller looked directly at my husband, ignoring my request completely, and printed it with just my husbands name. In the parking lot I insisted we go back so I could have it printed the way I requested. We go back to the teller and this time he says only one person can be on the cashiers check, which is fine if that’s the policy. But the teller never explained it before, in fact he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. My husband not only sees nothing wrong with him ignoring me, he tells the teller he did absolutely nothing wrong as I explain he never mentioned such a policy. Little things like this all the time with my husband.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

I was asking about the children because I’m hoping there aren’t yet any.
Now I’m guessing there must be children, so please immediately get a marriage counselor to improve the marriage.

[Anonymous]

I went through this last year with my visa. We are in the country because of my husband's job, and had to file for a new visa for him and me. I was NOT allowed to contact the lawyer directly to get updates on the visa process, because the male, Asian attorney pretexted that the male, Asian employer had not included my name on the list of approved contacts, and when I petitioned the employer (small start-up, we knew each other), he politely declined to add me. My Asian husband to this day sees nothing wrong with this. My visa paperwork has confidential details about my life, and is the document that allows me to stay in this country - I was deeply un-nerved that I could not even see my file and talk to the lawyer about MY case, except through my husband (who was always super vague about everything). I felt so powerless and condescended to.

I saw that episode as bureaucracy mixed with misogyny, pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

OMG. So extra, PP.

Yes, he should have explained the policy, and verified all info was correct before printing. I would have pointed this out at the counter, and raised the concern before leaving the bank.

Why does it matter if your name is on it? Does it put you in a disadvantaged position?

[Anonymous]

Whose name was on the account?

Sounds like yours wasn't if you couldn't get a cashiers check in both of your names.

[Anonymous]

Wait. How is your husband at fault for this?!?

[Anonymous]

You were disrespected. The cashier should have answered your question and explained the policy and your husband needs to find a way to include your interests in this sizable settlement, IMO. You have every right to feel the way you do.

[Anonymous]

We have two children, married 21 years. He is a sexist man who says the most negative things about women, even ones he doesn’t know. I hardly think it was “extra”. It makes me feel small. I did walk back in. It was disrespectful to ignore me. We are on the account together. It’s our money. I was the one requesting the cashiers check.

[Anonymous]

My name was certainly on the account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two children, married 21 years. He is a sexist man who says the most negative things about women, even ones he doesn’t know. I hardly think it was “extra”. It makes me feel small. I did walk back in. It was disrespectful to ignore me. We are on the account together. It’s our money. I was the one requesting the cashiers check.

Again, what does this have to do with your husband? Cashier, sure but husband?

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t your husband speak up for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two children, married 21 years. He is a sexist man who says the most negative things about women, even ones he doesn’t know. I hardly think it was “extra”. It makes me feel small. I did walk back in. It was disrespectful to ignore me. We are on the account together. It’s our money. I was the one requesting the cashiers check.

Again, what does this have to do with your husband? Cashier, sure but husband?

Because when I went back in to speak to the teller my husband told him he did nothing wrong. As if I had.

[Anonymous]

Small dick syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were disrespected. The cashier should have answered your question and explained the policy and your husband needs to find a way to include your interests in this sizable settlement, IMO. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Thank you. I just needed to hear someone say it.