Teachers - can you tell which kids come from wealthy families and which don't?

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of class anxiety on this web site in general and a lot of that is tied to the schools and people not wanting their kids to feel "left out" if all their classmates are wearing nice name brand clothing, have all the new gadgets, and travel to exotic locales every break.

But a lot of that stuff is so cheap nowadays (clothing, airfare, even electronics) that I wonder if it's even apparent to other people or if it's just something people worry about because things were much different in the 70s and 80s.

What do you think teachers? What is your experience on this?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why you're asking teachers specifically, since these aspects of wealth seem more tied to personal identity than to education. Most people may have more stuff than when we grew up, but there are still obvious disparities. It's a lot cheaper to go to Rehoboth for the weekend than to go to a tropical beach resort for the week. Will the difference affect educational outcomes? Most certainly not. But will kids talk about who went where? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

[Anonymous]

I could believe things are evening out in consumer goods, but i really dont think international trips have become that cheap and frequently accessible to the masses, especially since they also require a lot of vacation time. I also wonder if extracurricular activities are a class distinguisher, both in number and type - when I was growing up dance and baseball were wildly popular but things like early music lessons or skiing were more for well off kids.

[Anonymous]

Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking teachers specifically, since these aspects of wealth seem more tied to personal identity than to education. Most people may have more stuff than when we grew up, but there are still obvious disparities. It's a lot cheaper to go to Rehoboth for the weekend than to go to a tropical beach resort for the week. Will the difference affect educational outcomes? Most certainly not. But will kids talk about who went where? Yes.

I just got curious about it after reading a post on the real estate board from a person asking which school district they should buy in because they can't afford to go skiing over spring break and don't want their kids to feel left out if that's what all the other kids are doing. Like, that's her literal concern about what school district to buy in.

Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking teachers specifically, since these aspects of wealth seem more tied to personal identity than to education. Most people may have more stuff than when we grew up, but there are still obvious disparities. It's a lot cheaper to go to Rehoboth for the weekend than to go to a tropical beach resort for the week. Will the difference affect educational outcomes? Most certainly not. But will kids talk about who went where? Yes.

I just got curious about it after reading a post on the real estate board from a person asking which school district they should buy in because they can't afford to go skiing over spring break and don't want their kids to feel left out if that's what all the other kids are doing. Like, that's her literal concern about what school district to buy in.

Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

NP.

This is perennially a topic of concern in the private schools forum too. Will my UMC kid stick out in a sea of super rich?

[Anonymous]

Your privilege is showing. You are confusing the unimportant variations within the middle class to the larger inequalities in our population.

If the school has your child on the list for Free and Reduced Meals because you signed up for that service, and the school counselor fills your child's backpack with canned food and clothes before each school break, and the teacher notices that your child is hungry in class, and cannot bring in headphones, or field trip money, or anything like that, then obviously they know the family is poor.

In our Bethesda school, this happens. I'm on the PTA Board, I help organize donations. In schools in Silver Spring and elsewhere, there are so many children eligible for FARMS that MCPS just institutes free breakfast for all students, to minimize social impact, but they still know who can afford to buy/bring lunch, and who cannot.

Get your head of your bubble and see the world for what it is, it will help you understand why people vote the way they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

This is probably very upper middle class of me, but I don't care who rich the other kids are, as long as they don't flaunt it. I think when people are asking about this during home buying, they are probably looking at schools that are similar academically, but they're trying to get a read on the social situation. Are the wealthy kids show-offs, or are they modest? Do the richest families control the social hierarchy at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why you're asking teachers specifically, since these aspects of wealth seem more tied to personal identity than to education. Most people may have more stuff than when we grew up, but there are still obvious disparities. It's a lot cheaper to go to Rehoboth for the weekend than to go to a tropical beach resort for the week. Will the difference affect educational outcomes? Most certainly not. But will kids talk about who went where? Yes.

I just got curious about it after reading a post on the real estate board from a person asking which school district they should buy in because they can't afford to go skiing over spring break and don't want their kids to feel left out if that's what all the other kids are doing. Like, that's her literal concern about what school district to buy in.

Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

Having been the poor kid, yes, people know, and yes, people care. I was fortunate that it was decades ago, before social media, and only at the beginning of designer labels culture. But yea, I remember my friends having things I didn’t, being told my house was “so cute” because it was tiny compared to theirs. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to go to school with people with similar SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

This is probably very upper middle class of me, but I don't care who rich the other kids are, as long as they don't flaunt it. I think when people are asking about this during home buying, they are probably looking at schools that are similar academically, but they're trying to get a read on the social situation. Are the wealthy kids show-offs, or are they modest? Do the richest families control the social hierarchy at school?

Easy to say when you’re UMC. The view is pretty different from the bottom of the pile.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private school and from the perspective a student we could easily tell who had more money and who was on a lot of financial aid. You see things like the cars dropping the kids off, the clothing, the numbers of expensive labels (North Face was all the rage so having not one but multiple ones marked you out as more affluent), and references to vacations. Most of us were more similar than not, in the "middle" with slight gradations either way, but some did stand out. This was pre-phones as I graduated in the 1990s. I would also say it generally didn't make much of a difference at my school. We were all friends regardless of family incomes.

I'd be quite surprised if teachers didn't notice income disparities. But I don't think the teachers would care, would they? If anything they'd be more likely to be sympathetic to the lower income students, methinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

This is probably very upper middle class of me, but I don't care who rich the other kids are, as long as they don't flaunt it. I think when people are asking about this during home buying, they are probably looking at schools that are similar academically, but they're trying to get a read on the social situation. Are the wealthy kids show-offs, or are they modest? Do the richest families control the social hierarchy at school?

Who cares? It's none of your business what a bunch of kids are doing.

[Anonymous]

Not a teacher here; just a parent.

My DD went to a public HS with many rich kids. We compensated by making sure DD always had spending $ (monthly allowance). I thought it would help her to be able to pay for lunches, etc ... Sure maybe we don't live in a mansion but at least she could afford to go to a movie when she wanted. Also odd is that many of the wealthy kids never had any spending money.

I found it most interesting when some of the apparently wealthy kids ended up going to the state college whereas my DD is going private.

Point being is that sometimes it is all about priorities; not just money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

This is probably very upper middle class of me, but I don't care who rich the other kids are, as long as they don't flaunt it. I think when people are asking about this during home buying, they are probably looking at schools that are similar academically, but they're trying to get a read on the social situation. Are the wealthy kids show-offs, or are they modest? Do the richest families control the social hierarchy at school?

Who cares? It's none of your business what a bunch of kids are doing.

That's right, but it's my kids' community. If I could wave a magic wand, I'd make wealth and income disparities a non-issue for them. (And yes, PP, I'm aware that my UMC kids are privileged, too.)