Teachers - can you tell which kids come from wealthy families and which don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your privilege is showing. You are confusing the unimportant variations within the middle class to the larger inequalities in our population.

If the school has your child on the list for Free and Reduced Meals because you signed up for that service, and the school counselor fills your child's backpack with canned food and clothes before each school break, and the teacher notices that your child is hungry in class, and cannot bring in headphones, or field trip money, or anything like that, then obviously they know the family is poor.

In our Bethesda school, this happens. I'm on the PTA Board, I help organize donations. In schools in Silver Spring and elsewhere, there are so many children eligible for FARMS that MCPS just institutes free breakfast for all students, to minimize social impact, but they still know who can afford to buy/bring lunch, and who cannot.

Get your head of your bubble and see the world for what it is, it will help you understand why people vote the way they do.

You are showing your privilege. We don't have a school counselor to give food/clothing before school breaks nor do we get free breakfasts for all kids. We also have some kids whose families can do and choose not to... just like at your school.

Which school do your kids do to?

My point remains the same, PP: teachers know which students are poor and which are not.
Teachers cannot identify the lower middle class from the upper middle class, because those signals can be mixed.

[Anonymous]

I mean it’s not hard to guess. If your kid has AirPods, mentions going to Dubai on spring break and Morocco over the summer, has a Fjallraven backpack, etc., I can reasonably assume the parents are fairly well off. Those are the easy ones to guess but there are a decent number of kids who wear old ratty clothes and look like a mess but their parents have tons of money. You wouldn’t necessarily know it to look at them because well to do white kids have the option of looking uncared for as a style choice knowing it won’t reflect on their parents and culture the way it does for minority kids. It’s a lot more subtle with those kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean it’s not hard to guess. If your kid has AirPods, mentions going to Dubai on spring break and Morocco over the summer, has a Fjallraven backpack, etc., I can reasonably assume the parents are fairly well off. Those are the easy ones to guess but there are a decent number of kids who wear old ratty clothes and look like a mess but their parents have tons of money. You wouldn’t necessarily know it to look at them because well to do white kids have the option of looking uncared for as a style choice knowing it won’t reflect on their parents and culture the way it does for minority kids. It’s a lot more subtle with those kids.

This is an important point.

The flip side is that even when lower middle class AA and Latino kids are visibly well-cared for, some school staff will assume they are low income because they read too much into clothing and hairstyles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it’s not hard to guess. If your kid has AirPods, mentions going to Dubai on spring break and Morocco over the summer, has a Fjallraven backpack, etc., I can reasonably assume the parents are fairly well off. Those are the easy ones to guess but there are a decent number of kids who wear old ratty clothes and look like a mess but their parents have tons of money. You wouldn’t necessarily know it to look at them because well to do white kids have the option of looking uncared for as a style choice knowing it won’t reflect on their parents and culture the way it does for minority kids. It’s a lot more subtle with those kids.

This is an important point.

The flip side is that even when lower middle class AA and Latino kids are visibly well-cared for, some school staff will assume they are low income because they read too much into clothing and hairstyles.

Yep. Or will assume the parents can buy expensive shoes because they receive govt assistance or otherwise engage in poverty practices like buying Jordans instead of paying bills. The bias is real. I am consistently amazed at the comments and assumptions other teachers will make about stuff like this even though they have a moral imperative as people who work with children to know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it’s not hard to guess. If your kid has AirPods, mentions going to Dubai on spring break and Morocco over the summer, has a Fjallraven backpack, etc., I can reasonably assume the parents are fairly well off. Those are the easy ones to guess but there are a decent number of kids who wear old ratty clothes and look like a mess but their parents have tons of money. You wouldn’t necessarily know it to look at them because well to do white kids have the option of looking uncared for as a style choice knowing it won’t reflect on their parents and culture the way it does for minority kids. It’s a lot more subtle with those kids.

This is an important point.

The flip side is that even when lower middle class AA and Latino kids are visibly well-cared for, some school staff will assume they are low income because they read too much into clothing and hairstyles.

Yep. Or will assume the parents can buy expensive shoes because they receive govt assistance or otherwise engage in poverty practices like buying Jordans instead of paying bills. The bias is real. I am consistently amazed at the comments and assumptions other teachers will make about stuff like this even though they have a moral imperative as people who work with children to know better.

That’s one reason why having a fairly homogenous teaching staff (mostly from white middle class backgrounds) is a liability. I absolutely know low income families that buy Jordans or whatever the the latest hot shoe is. I also know that my SS (who was not low income) was mocked for the one day all year he didn’t have a pencil. His teacher said “Next time your mama gets a check, ask her for school supplies, not Jordans.” SS was raised to be respectful so he waited 5 min and asked for a pass to go to the office. He called his dad and explained the situation. I still admire DH’s restraint in the situation. He contacted the principal and laid down some facts. The principal was unhappy to have to attempt to explain to a decorated Marine why his son was humiliated in this way.

[Anonymous]

Blatantly obvious just looking at Snapchat and Instagram for 10 seconds. Kids put their family business on social media literally 24/7 (they leave Snapchat GPS on). The wannabe rich kids can juke you with a few pictures — but over the long haul can’t juke primary home, vacay home, jet-setting, luxury cars, horses and country clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blatantly obvious just looking at Snapchat and Instagram for 10 seconds. Kids put their family business on social media literally 24/7 (they leave Snapchat GPS on). The wannabe rich kids can juke you with a few pictures — but over the long haul can’t juke primary home, vacay home, jet-setting, luxury cars, horses and country clubs.

You’re a teacher looking at kid snaps? Ew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blatantly obvious just looking at Snapchat and Instagram for 10 seconds. Kids put their family business on social media literally 24/7 (they leave Snapchat GPS on). The wannabe rich kids can juke you with a few pictures — but over the long haul can’t juke primary home, vacay home, jet-setting, luxury cars, horses and country clubs.

You’re a teacher looking at kid snaps? Ew

+1 that’s a bit stalkerish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Genuinely curious. What school do you work in where you see both of these extreme demographics?

I'm not the PP but my kids go to a school like this (not in DC). It is very wealthy overall but also has 25% FARMS. It's a university/hospital community with many families being the children of physicians and professors. So there is a huge disparity of wealth and education level. There are some wealthy neighborhoods with large homes. There are also some really rundown trailer parks and lower-income apartments that feed into that school. Some of the students are refugees who moved here with very little. Many are lower-income recent immigrants from Mexico or Latin America. Some are poor African Americans.

It's an interesting dynamic looking in from the outside (I'm a parent not a teacher.) At the elementary school level, the kids don't seem to know or care if they do. By middle school, the kids know who comes from where. Those in the wealthy neighborhoods are sometimes labeled as snobs. Some of them are, but it's a broad label applied to everyone who lives there. The rich kids go on fancy vacations and camps, etc. The poor obviously do not. I don't know how they feel about having rich classmates, but I imagine it can be hard sometimes. In general, the rich kids hang out with each other but of course there are exceptions. By high school, it is quite evident who is college bound and who is not. At college preparedness meetings, most of the faces around me are white, and I recognize them from the richer neighborhoods. On the Facebook page, I see mostly the same rich parents discussing school issues. There is a huge disparity in test scores.

I should add that in general, the richer families are socially conscious and are very good about collecting money/giving time to those with lesser means. And I don't find the parents to flaunt their wealth, even if the kids do sometimes. But of course, it's easy to tell who has money. Overall, it's a weird dynamic. We are fairly well-off but not rich (I'm a SAHM, my husband works an office job). We live pretty low-key - do driving vacations, not into designer stuff, etc. But we've saved for college for our kids and moved here from DC so we had good equity to buy a house in a "rich" neighborhood. My child has two friends who are definitely not wealthy. It can be uncomfortable when they talk about what they are doing after high school. One girl wants to go to college but her mom hasn't saved anything. One of their other friends gave them a used car because they had no money to buy one. My child's other friend hasn't saved for college either. She may go to community college. The parents never attend the college meetings. My daughter had to tell them to sign up for the SAT, etc. It is like two different worlds in one school.

In the DC area, I think TC Williams is like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Genuinely curious. What school do you work in where you see both of these extreme demographics?

I'm not the PP but my kids go to a school like this (not in DC). It is very wealthy overall but also has 25% FARMS. It's a university/hospital community with many families being the children of physicians and professors. So there is a huge disparity of wealth and education level. There are some wealthy neighborhoods with large homes. There are also some really rundown trailer parks and lower-income apartments that feed into that school. Some of the students are refugees who moved here with very little. Many are lower-income recent immigrants from Mexico or Latin America. Some are poor African Americans.

It's an interesting dynamic looking in from the outside (I'm a parent not a teacher.) At the elementary school level, the kids don't seem to know or care if they do. By middle school, the kids know who comes from where. Those in the wealthy neighborhoods are sometimes labeled as snobs. Some of them are, but it's a broad label applied to everyone who lives there. The rich kids go on fancy vacations and camps, etc. The poor obviously do not. I don't know how they feel about having rich classmates, but I imagine it can be hard sometimes. In general, the rich kids hang out with each other but of course there are exceptions. By high school, it is quite evident who is college bound and who is not. At college preparedness meetings, most of the faces around me are white, and I recognize them from the richer neighborhoods. On the Facebook page, I see mostly the same rich parents discussing school issues. There is a huge disparity in test scores.

I should add that in general, the richer families are socially conscious and are very good about collecting money/giving time to those with lesser means. And I don't find the parents to flaunt their wealth, even if the kids do sometimes. But of course, it's easy to tell who has money. Overall, it's a weird dynamic. We are fairly well-off but not rich (I'm a SAHM, my husband works an office job). We live pretty low-key - do driving vacations, not into designer stuff, etc. But we've saved for college for our kids and moved here from DC so we had good equity to buy a house in a "rich" neighborhood. My child has two friends who are definitely not wealthy. It can be uncomfortable when they talk about what they are doing after high school. One girl wants to go to college but her mom hasn't saved anything. One of their other friends gave them a used car because they had no money to buy one. My child's other friend hasn't saved for college either. She may go to community college. The parents never attend the college meetings. My daughter had to tell them to sign up for the SAT, etc. It is like two different worlds in one school.

In the DC area, I think TC Williams is like this.

Is this the DMV? I can’t think of any university/hospital like area in MCPS or FCPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Genuinely curious. What school do you work in where you see both of these extreme demographics?

I'm not the PP but my kids go to a school like this (not in DC). It is very wealthy overall but also has 25% FARMS. It's a university/hospital community with many families being the children of physicians and professors. So there is a huge disparity of wealth and education level. There are some wealthy neighborhoods with large homes. There are also some really rundown trailer parks and lower-income apartments that feed into that school. Some of the students are refugees who moved here with very little. Many are lower-income recent immigrants from Mexico or Latin America. Some are poor African Americans.

It's an interesting dynamic looking in from the outside (I'm a parent not a teacher.) At the elementary school level, the kids don't seem to know or care if they do. By middle school, the kids know who comes from where. Those in the wealthy neighborhoods are sometimes labeled as snobs. Some of them are, but it's a broad label applied to everyone who lives there. The rich kids go on fancy vacations and camps, etc. The poor obviously do not. I don't know how they feel about having rich classmates, but I imagine it can be hard sometimes. In general, the rich kids hang out with each other but of course there are exceptions. By high school, it is quite evident who is college bound and who is not. At college preparedness meetings, most of the faces around me are white, and I recognize them from the richer neighborhoods. On the Facebook page, I see mostly the same rich parents discussing school issues. There is a huge disparity in test scores.

I should add that in general, the richer families are socially conscious and are very good about collecting money/giving time to those with lesser means. And I don't find the parents to flaunt their wealth, even if the kids do sometimes. But of course, it's easy to tell who has money. Overall, it's a weird dynamic. We are fairly well-off but not rich (I'm a SAHM, my husband works an office job). We live pretty low-key - do driving vacations, not into designer stuff, etc. But we've saved for college for our kids and moved here from DC so we had good equity to buy a house in a "rich" neighborhood. My child has two friends who are definitely not wealthy. It can be uncomfortable when they talk about what they are doing after high school. One girl wants to go to college but her mom hasn't saved anything. One of their other friends gave them a used car because they had no money to buy one. My child's other friend hasn't saved for college either. She may go to community college. The parents never attend the college meetings. My daughter had to tell them to sign up for the SAT, etc. It is like two different worlds in one school.

In the DC area, I think TC Williams is like this.

Is this the DMV? I can’t think of any university/hospital like area in MCPS or FCPS.

No, we are in Chapel Hill, NC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Genuinely curious. What school do you work in where you see both of these extreme demographics?

I'm not the PP but my kids go to a school like this (not in DC). It is very wealthy overall but also has 25% FARMS. It's a university/hospital community with many families being the children of physicians and professors. So there is a huge disparity of wealth and education level. There are some wealthy neighborhoods with large homes. There are also some really rundown trailer parks and lower-income apartments that feed into that school. Some of the students are refugees who moved here with very little. Many are lower-income recent immigrants from Mexico or Latin America. Some are poor African Americans.

It's an interesting dynamic looking in from the outside (I'm a parent not a teacher.) At the elementary school level, the kids don't seem to know or care if they do. By middle school, the kids know who comes from where. Those in the wealthy neighborhoods are sometimes labeled as snobs. Some of them are, but it's a broad label applied to everyone who lives there. The rich kids go on fancy vacations and camps, etc. The poor obviously do not. I don't know how they feel about having rich classmates, but I imagine it can be hard sometimes. In general, the rich kids hang out with each other but of course there are exceptions. By high school, it is quite evident who is college bound and who is not. At college preparedness meetings, most of the faces around me are white, and I recognize them from the richer neighborhoods. On the Facebook page, I see mostly the same rich parents discussing school issues. There is a huge disparity in test scores.

I should add that in general, the richer families are socially conscious and are very good about collecting money/giving time to those with lesser means. And I don't find the parents to flaunt their wealth, even if the kids do sometimes. But of course, it's easy to tell who has money. Overall, it's a weird dynamic. We are fairly well-off but not rich (I'm a SAHM, my husband works an office job). We live pretty low-key - do driving vacations, not into designer stuff, etc. But we've saved for college for our kids and moved here from DC so we had good equity to buy a house in a "rich" neighborhood. My child has two friends who are definitely not wealthy. It can be uncomfortable when they talk about what they are doing after high school. One girl wants to go to college but her mom hasn't saved anything. One of their other friends gave them a used car because they had no money to buy one. My child's other friend hasn't saved for college either. She may go to community college. The parents never attend the college meetings. My daughter had to tell them to sign up for the SAT, etc. It is like two different worlds in one school.

In the DC area, I think TC Williams is like this.

Is this the DMV? I can’t think of any university/hospital like area in MCPS or FCPS.

Sure, this general type of environment exists. Pick any public high school in the Greater Alexandria area. TC Williams, Mt. Vernon, West Potomac, Hayfield etc. Probably Wakefield in Arlington. All areas where you have UC/UMC homes in close proximity to low income areas.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in elementary you can tell but the buses at our school since teachers manage the dismissals. Certain routes go to wealthier areas and others go to more working class areas. It's also the parents in the wealthier areas who have more time to volunteer because presumably there is a stay at home spouse or their jobs have more flexibility. There is also talk of vacations abroad. Two thirds of the class seems to have gone abroad this spring break while the other one third seemed puzzled by the idea of their parents getting that much time off and of spending so much money on plane tickets just to go away for a few days.

Some of these working kids go abroad, too, usually to their own countries, but it's a once every few years thing and they go for a few months.

[Anonymous]

George Mason, College Park

[Anonymous]

I worked in a school with uniform, and that helped to even a lot of disparities. It helped a great deal that only a few models of shoes fit the strict requirements. However, the children’s conversations about visits to pricey restaurants, home remodeling, vacations and extracurriculars (travel teams, horseback riding) sometimes tipped off that they had greater wealth. Nor could we control the Tiffany baubles that some girls wore. Some children would speak about their parents professions, business acquisitions, or media appearances outright. The lack of busing in private schools is certainly an issue because we definitely see the very pricey vehicles in the carpool line. However, not every minivan-driving parent or public bus-riding child comes from a family without a lot of money. I have learned over time that there are subtle signs that a child probably comes from a family with lower means. Even in a school that provides laptops to children, we can’t guarantee that there will be reliable internet access at home for homework. If a student had a creative excuse about a web-based assignment being late, I didn’t ask probing questions. I also noticed certain patterns around food — the quality and amount that kids would bring to school.

Though DC certainly is a city with a lot of wealth, there are plenty of families in the middle. There are also many who have the money but don’t spend like it (and others who spend far beyond their means). I think it’s fine to expose your kid to differences and to teach tact, discretion, and empathy from an early age.