Teachers - can you tell which kids come from wealthy families and which don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a teacher here; just a parent.

My DD went to a public HS with many rich kids. We compensated by making sure DD always had spending $ (monthly allowance). I thought it would help her to be able to pay for lunches, etc ... Sure maybe we don't live in a mansion but at least she could afford to go to a movie when she wanted. Also odd is that many of the wealthy kids never had any spending money.

I found it most interesting when some of the apparently wealthy kids ended up going to the state college whereas my DD is going private.

Point being is that sometimes it is all about priorities; not just money.

Sorry to disagree, but it looks as if the "rich kids" 's parents had the right mindset and better long-term priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a teacher here; just a parent.

My DD went to a public HS with many rich kids. We compensated by making sure DD always had spending $ (monthly allowance). I thought it would help her to be able to pay for lunches, etc ... Sure maybe we don't live in a mansion but at least she could afford to go to a movie when she wanted. Also odd is that many of the wealthy kids never had any spending money.

I found it most interesting when some of the apparently wealthy kids ended up going to the state college whereas my DD is going private.

Point being is that sometimes it is all about priorities; not just money.

I wouldn't be so judgmental of their "priorities".

Maybe you get financial aid that they don't? Maybe they don't like the idea of paying full sticker for a private, when that money is just going to subsidize other kids? Maybe they think that most private undergrads are simply a poor value?

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher in an UMC school.

Yes, you can often tell who is who.

No, I don't care at all.

There are kind, inquisitive, sensational kids who are both rich and poor.

There are arrogant, stupid, pathetic kids who are both rich and poor.

Content of their character, you know...

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why so many posters on this board are so anti private. I know it is expensive that is why we started saving when DD was born. We also chose to only have one child. Education is a priority in my family.

Personally if I had to choose between a new car every year in HS or a private college -- I would chose the private college.

In regards to this thread -- I think often what appears to be financial differences -- is often simply a difference in priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I crazy for thinking that's crazy? Who would know or care?

This is probably very upper middle class of me, but I don't care who rich the other kids are, as long as they don't flaunt it. I think when people are asking about this during home buying, they are probably looking at schools that are similar academically, but they're trying to get a read on the social situation. Are the wealthy kids show-offs, or are they modest? Do the richest families control the social hierarchy at school?

Who cares? It's none of your business what a bunch of kids are doing.

That's right, but it's my kids' community. If I could wave a magic wand, I'd make wealth and income disparities a non-issue for them. (And yes, PP, I'm aware that my UMC kids are privileged, too.)

It’s part of the diversity of experience. There are going to be people who are a lot richer than you and people who ate a lot poorer. And a bunch of people in between.

If you value diversity, which everyone claims to, then you have to have rich kids too. They’re part of the social makeup of society as much as anyone else.

[Anonymous]

I think you can tell by where people go on vacations. Are you bringing your kids to work with you, letting them read or do other projects in an office while you work, while it is "Spring Break"? Or are you on an island in the Caribbean?

When all the kids get back to school and say ,"How was your Spring Break?" or "Where did you go for Spring Break?" (not even "DID you go anywhere for Spring Break?"), the kids in the first category above feel different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It’s part of the diversity of experience. There are going to be people who are a lot richer than you and people who ate a lot poorer. And a bunch of people in between.

If you value diversity, which everyone claims to, then you have to have rich kids too. They’re part of the social makeup of society as much as anyone else.

I'm saying people are wondering about their character. Here's the extreme: I know society has evil people as well as angelic people, but I'm not so interested in my kids having a school experience that draws on both sides equally. That's not diversity I value.

Yes, it's ridiculous to think that I can protect my kids from qualities I don't like in other people, but I'd prefer to delay some of their realizations about the cruel realities of the world. In the case of wealth, the rich kids have the potential of dominating the social hierarchy, because they can have the "right" clothes, cars, parties, vacations. Of course my kids will be at school with wealthier kids, given our rung on the socioeconomic ladder. If I could choose, I'd rather have those be down-to-earth wealthy kids. I believe that that's what people are asking about when they are looking at real estate and education decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why so many posters on this board are so anti private. I know it is expensive that is why we started saving when DD was born. We also chose to only have one child. Education is a priority in my family.

Personally if I had to choose between a new car every year in HS or a private college -- I would chose the private college.

In regards to this thread -- I think often what appears to be financial differences -- is often simply a difference in priorities.

There is nothing inherently more valuable about a private college experience v public. Public is often better once you get below Ivy and a few other schools (Stanford, Duke, Northwestern, etc). Going to Carleton over Michigan is not a good decision.

[Anonymous]

you can’t tell. Expensive clothing can be hand me downs, eBay purchases or thrift store finds. Vacations could be using points, paid for on credit or using all the points you have for two years. Expensive gifts can come from family members (only grandchild or only niece).

There is no way to tell at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher in a lower income area. I can't always tell who is lower middle income and who is really poor. But I can tell which families talk with and read to their children. I can tell which families read the newsletters and try and do some of the homework with their kids. I can tell which families do something other than just sit their kids in front of the TV or not. I can tell which ones teach their kids manners, to say please and thank you, to wait patiently. Manners, work ethic, and reading don't take a lot of money.

Fwiw, I'd rather work with the families in my school over the upper income families right in the same boundaries who avoid our school and send them to private school. I love my students

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Genuinely curious. What school do you work in where you see both of these extreme demographics?

[Anonymous]

Not reliably.

I’ve seen some loaded families send the kids to school in hand me downs with simple lunches and the parents drive beaters.

There are other families that seem to enjoy a lavish lifestyle, but it’s unclear how. These aren’t low income families, just not millionaires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your privilege is showing. You are confusing the unimportant variations within the middle class to the larger inequalities in our population.

If the school has your child on the list for Free and Reduced Meals because you signed up for that service, and the school counselor fills your child's backpack with canned food and clothes before each school break, and the teacher notices that your child is hungry in class, and cannot bring in headphones, or field trip money, or anything like that, then obviously they know the family is poor.

In our Bethesda school, this happens. I'm on the PTA Board, I help organize donations. In schools in Silver Spring and elsewhere, there are so many children eligible for FARMS that MCPS just institutes free breakfast for all students, to minimize social impact, but they still know who can afford to buy/bring lunch, and who cannot.

Get your head of your bubble and see the world for what it is, it will help you understand why people vote the way they do.

You are showing your privilege. We don't have a school counselor to give food/clothing before school breaks nor do we get free breakfasts for all kids. We also have some kids whose families can do and choose not to... just like at your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, absolutely. Not always, but often. The kids who have air pods, 3 Helly Hanson jackets, an iphone x, and shoes worth more than my monthly salary. Others have stories of spring break trips to France. The kid sitting next to them has one sweatshirt and spring break is watching netflix for a week.

Those kids have tacky parents. They might have money but they’re tacky nonetheless

[Anonymous]

Teacher here. Yes, we know and no I don't care. I invest my energies in making sure my kids feel loved, try their best, meet goals and that their needs outside of school are met.