Are People Without Kids Treated Unfairly By Those With Kids?

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend who is childless by choice. She is amazing to all her friends and family who are parents, which pretty much everyone is at this point. She’s hosted baby showers, brought dinners after births, sends so many random gifts to various kids just because the particular gift made her think of a particular kid, run errands to help a sick mom and is just generally a generous and thoughtful person.

I just realized I missed her birthday. I mentioned it to another mom (not a mutual friend) who said something about her not having kids and I shouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s got me thinking of how much my friend does without ever expecting anything in return. My other’s friends dismissiveness was really cold, but she also got me wondering if we as parents treat non parents as expendable.

I am really grateful to her and sent a gift and belated card right after the conversation. I honestly don’t think my friend would even expect it but maybe she should? Do you have anyone like this in your life?

[Anonymous]

We have a close friend who sends lots of gifts to our child and sometimes us and we do try to remember her birthday and holidays.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are treated unfairly at times by unthinking people.

I am childless (not by choice) and have had neighbors ask if we have children--when I say no, they turn around and walk away, like we aren't even worth knowing. Many women with kids expect me to be available at any time they want to see me, because "of course" I don't have as much to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are treated unfairly at times by unthinking people.

I am childless (not by choice) and have had neighbors ask if we have children--when I say no, they turn around and walk away, like we aren't even worth knowing. Many women with kids expect me to be available at any time they want to see me, because "of course" I don't have as much to do.

I am so sorry you have to go through this with your neighbors after everything you’ve gone through. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds like a douche friend.

[Anonymous]

I wonder that too. I have a friend who is childless by choice is in a long-term committed relationship and not married. We live On different coasts and see each other rarely.. I have two kids a dog and cat. And she has two dogs. We saw each other recently and were talking about our dogs. Then about her poor dog that died a few years ago.

Afterwords, I wondered if she had kids we might’ve had a different conversation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend sounds like a douche friend.

OP here. You are right. I assume you mean the friend who told me not to worry about the birthday. She is a relatively new friend and now I’m kind of asking myself what kind of person she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend sounds like a douche friend.

OP here. You are right. I assume you mean the friend who told me not to worry about the birthday. She is a relatively new friend and now I’m kind of asking myself what kind of person she is.

Not a good one. Even if she thinks that, nobody says such uncaring thoughts out-loud! Especially not to new friends. What is she saying about you?

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of the woman who married herself. No one throws showers for single or childless people.

[Anonymous]

As someone who doesn't have kids, I say no. Overall, I am NOT treated unfairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of the woman who married herself. No one throws showers for single or childless people.

I thought of Carrie Bradshaw’s Manolo Blahnik gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who doesn't have kids, I say no. Overall, I am NOT treated unfairly.

+1

[Anonymous]

It is mixed. I don't have kids and most of my friends treat me perfectly fairly and the same. There are occasionally individuals who think being a parent makes them superior or an expert. Occasionally I will be excluded or talked down to by someone because I don't have kids but those people aren't the kind of people I am friends with.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think they are. One of my sisters chose not to get married or have children. At Christmas, she gives separate gifts to my other sister, her husband and her two kids - and gets one gift back. She is the one who has to sleep on the couch while the “married with children” get her d room and bed.

Everyone - sister and cousins - ask her to babysit all the time.

I have sworn never to do this crap to her.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's unfair to forget a birthday, or to not host. You didn't forget her birthday because she's childless. You don't fail to reciprocate her generosity because she's childless (if she is more generous than you because she's childless, that's her choice).

Expecting someone to do more work, be more flexible, stay later, etc is unfair. Talking only about your kids, or refusing to attend kid free events, is unfair because it's one-sided.