Are People Without Kids Treated Unfairly By Those With Kids?

[Anonymous]

I mean I try not to treat them unfairly and get them gifts etc.

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like your friend is a very generous person by nature and everyone takes her for granted. This dynamic among friends can occur regardless of whether anyone has kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds more like your friend is a very generous person by nature and everyone takes her for granted. This dynamic among friends can occur regardless of whether anyone has kids.

OP again. This is a good point. On top of everything else, both she and her husband are from very wealthy families. They are insanely generous, but I think others take it for granted because it’s assumed they are rich and can/should be this way. She’s great with kids and though I realize it’s none of my business, I sometimes wish she would have kids because she’d be a wonderful mother.

I think people take her for granted because she is rich and has no kids. There is definitely that component of others not being very considerate of her time and expecting her to take charge of lots of stuff because she has the time and money. I also think there is jealousy and people get overwhelmed with her life and are subconsciously petty. I’ve never, ever heard her say anything about the pettiness, so I guess she’s just leaned to be the bigger person. I don’t want to take advantage of her and I want her to know how much she means to me and my family.

[Anonymous]

Your other mom friend sounds like someone I’d want to punt off a rooftop. Who does she think she is?! I wouldn’t associate with her anymore if this is who she is.

[Anonymous]

I don’t expect anyone to remember my or my kids birthday, so why would my childless friends?

If the friend is very generous but are expecting reciprocity, that puts original generously in doubt

[Anonymous]

There are thoughtful people with and without kids, and thoughtless people with and without kids.

[Anonymous]

Call and apologize for missing her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t expect anyone to remember my or my kids birthday, so why would my childless friends?

If the friend is very generous but are expecting reciprocity, that puts original generously in doubt

OP did not say this anywhere. Don’t ascribe shitty intentions to someone who by all descriptions is an extremely generous and thoughtful person. And the point is that the childless friend DOES remember birthdays. Did you even read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend who is childless by choice. She is amazing to all her friends and family who are parents, which pretty much everyone is at this point. She’s hosted baby showers, brought dinners after births, sends so many random gifts to various kids just because the particular gift made her think of a particular kid, run errands to help a sick mom and is just generally a generous and thoughtful person.

I just realized I missed her birthday. I mentioned it to another mom (not a mutual friend) who said something about her not having kids and I shouldn’t worry about it too much. It’s got me thinking of how much my friend does without ever expecting anything in return. My other’s friends dismissiveness was really cold, but she also got me wondering if we as parents treat non parents as expendable.

I am really grateful to her and sent a gift and belated card right after the conversation. I honestly don’t think my friend would even expect it but maybe she should? Do you have anyone like this in your life?

She doesn't have kids so she doesn't get to have her birthday acknowledged? What the whut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder that too. I have a friend who is childless by choice is in a long-term committed relationship and not married. We live On different coasts and see each other rarely.. I have two kids a dog and cat. And she has two dogs. We saw each other recently and were talking about our dogs. Then about her poor dog that died a few years ago.

Afterwords, I wondered if she had kids we might’ve had a different conversation?

wtf is that supposed to mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder that too. I have a friend who is childless by choice is in a long-term committed relationship and not married. We live On different coasts and see each other rarely.. I have two kids a dog and cat. And she has two dogs. We saw each other recently and were talking about our dogs. Then about her poor dog that died a few years ago.

Afterwords, I wondered if she had kids we might’ve had a different conversation?

wtf is that supposed to mean?

NP but apparently once you have kids you can only discuss children.

[Anonymous]

I am married with no kids. I felt treated more "unfairly" - if you'd put it like that - when I was single, more than I do on account of not having kids. (I married in my late 30s.)I hated that - it really did feel like being a second class citizen, as a single person.

We have a lot of friends who don't have kids. And I don't feel as if our families treat us badly for not having kids. There are some irritations, sure. Like my husband's brother has three kids, and the expectation is that we will always be the ones to make the effort to see them and they never make the effort to see us. The excuse is that they couldn't possibly come see us, or go out of their way, because of course they have kids. Ya know, it's irritating but in the scheme of things it's not that big of a deal. (Though my husband is pretty fed up.)

But yeah I think it's a good idea to be cognizant of the possibility that you might treat someone else as if their life or their time is less important than yours because they don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

What does the person having kids got to do with you being a good friend to her or not. She’s selfless. Step up your game. Having kids has nothing to do with you being a good friend to someone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are treated unfairly at times by unthinking people.

I am childless (not by choice) and have had neighbors ask if we have children--when I say no, they turn around and walk away, like we aren't even worth knowing. Many women with kids expect me to be available at any time they want to see me, because "of course" I don't have as much to do.

What exactly happens between revealing you are childless and them turning around? I assume they don't just turn the second the info comes out of your mouth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they are treated unfairly at times by unthinking people.

I am childless (not by choice) and have had neighbors ask if we have children--when I say no, they turn around and walk away, like we aren't even worth knowing. Many women with kids expect me to be available at any time they want to see me, because "of course" I don't have as much to do.

I've experienced this. We were new in a neighborhood and when a few families came to introduce themselves, they kind of made a face when they found out we didn't have kids. One guy asked why we'd want to move into that neighborhood, known for being family friendly and close to good schools, and take it away from another family. Yikes, nice to meet you, too!