My son thinks he is emotionally abused

[Anonymous]

My 2 elementary boys are in cub scouts. One of the requirements was to go over child abuse - physical, emotional and sexual.

My younger child told me he often feels like he is emotionally abused. He said he feels this way from me (mom), dad, older brother, friends and classmates. He says he feels abused when he gets yelled at and when friends and classmates discourage him. He also said he feels abused by his toddler sister because she takes things from him and we (parents) always take the toddler’s side and often punish him wrongfully.

DS started sobbing when telling me this. I don’t know how to handle.

Is he just being sensitive?

[Anonymous]

You need to stop treating him like he should be perfect with his little sister and his brothers need to stop teasing him.
Market the feedback and do better.

[Anonymous]

Encourage him to think about the difference between abuse and incidents that make people upset.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety.

[Anonymous]

But, yes it is common that the older child gets punished wrongly bcs of younger siblings. Why are you yelling at your kid anyway?

[Anonymous]

My kids have told me they are abused also. Apparently the requirement to do homework and and take a shower can be abusive at times!

Does he seem particularly sensitive generally or just when talking about this? How old is he? You guys need to work on his resiliency.

[Anonymous]

Plus, why are you dismissing his feelings right away? "Is he being over sensitive?" Even if he is, this is the kid that is your son, and he just told you something very emotional to him, so much so that he is crying. Why not take his feelings t face value?
Even if he is oversensitive, even if he has anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Wait why are you punishing him about his little sister? She's a toddler, good time to teach her "no Sarah, this is Joey's. Please do not take it from him". Then take it from her and give it back to him. Why are you ounishing him?

It's telling your reaction is "is he oversensitive" and not wondering what you're doing wrong and how to fix it.

Time for you and DH to take a nice look at yourselves.

[Anonymous]

He is being very sensitive and he has to toughen up.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to say what you should do without knowing more about what the yelling/punishments entail. I don't yell at my kids much, but when they behave in a manner that is inappropriate, I speak to them sternly and punish and discipline them by taking away things that they enjoy (electronics, play dates) for periods of time. That's normal, and if that is what you are doing that upsets your child, I would explain the difference between appropriate punishment/correction and emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

That’s tough. It does sound like he’s a sensitive kid and the comments from his peers are really getting to him. There’s not much you can do about that, of course. But you can treat him a little more gently at home. If he has both an older brother and a younger (toddler) sister, he’s in the middle and probably feels left out or ignored at times. Maybe you can carve out more one on one time with him at home. Does he have his own space that he can retreat to at home without his parents/siblings around? With his own toys and belongings that he can play with without having to “share” (in his mind, “give up” to his younger sister)? You want them to be mature and self-sacrificing, but if your kid is in cub scouts he’s, what, 5-7 years old? So I think a little perspective on your part is in order here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage him to think about the difference between abuse and incidents that make people upset.

Op here. I absolutely plan to talk about this further with him.

This morning, he was not dressed and it was time to leave for bus stop. I did yell to hurry after 5 minutes of asking nicely. He was upstairs for a long time not coming downstairs.

He is a very social kid. Has lots of friends. He is the social butterfly in our family.

I was truly shocked he feels he is emotionally abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Encourage him to think about the difference between abuse and incidents that make people upset.

Op here. I absolutely plan to talk about this further with him.

This morning, he was not dressed and it was time to leave for bus stop. I did yell to hurry after 5 minutes of asking nicely. He was upstairs for a long time not coming downstairs.

He is a very social kid. Has lots of friends. He is the social butterfly in our family.

I was truly shocked he feels he is emotionally abused.

How often do you find yourself yelling at him. Would setting a timer work for him instead of you reminding him.to the point you are yelling at him?

He's young and he probably had anxiety. I bet in his head he only remembers you telling him once and then yelling at him. The anxiety and being oversensitive causes him.to focus on the negative. So you yell. You get mad at his emotions and punish him for them (like the situation with his sister). So hes making the connection with what was likely a very basic and broad description of emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is being very sensitive and he has to toughen up.

This is a great way to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But, yes it is common that the older child gets punished wrongly bcs of younger siblings. Why are you yelling at your kid anyway?

I really don’t think I yell more than any other mom.

We do often give in to toddler but not always. When we see DS running away with TODDLER’s toy, we tell DS to give toy back. We tell both older boys to share with toddler.