My son thinks he is emotionally abused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally abused may be an exaggeration but it's the first time your son learned words to fit his feelings. He should not be dealing with brothers picking on him all the time. Put an end to that. And just because little sister wants her way doesn't make her right. He's shared something very painful with you. Listen to him. When you talk to him don't discredit his emotional abuse statement. Just tell him you're so happy he shared with you.

We had a good talk today about hurt feelings and abuse. I said it was wrong to give in to the toddler. She ran off with his book earlier and made her give the book back. Toddler cried and had a fit. This is the type of situation where we may have previously let toddler run off and I would have tried to distract or get book after she is tired of it (5-10min). DS seemed satisfied that we took book from toddler and gave it back to DS immediately.

I am going to make an active effort to yell less, especially to DS since I now know how sensitive he is to it.

OP, this is great news. Do you remember the TV show Malcolm in the Middle? I think you should try to read up on middle children. They often feel the way your ds is feeling. Knowing about it will help you a lot, because you will get where he is coming from. The book thing is a great example. Small changes (that do make more work for you, unfortunately) will have a big impact because he will feel like he is treated fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is being very sensitive and he has to toughen up.

Or, alternatively, he is being abused! Listen to him, OP! He is communicating with you and you are ignoring him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is being very sensitive and he has to toughen up.

Or, alternatively, he is being abused! Listen to him, OP! He is communicating with you and you are ignoring him.

Omg get a life

[Anonymous]

Yelling at a kid to hurry up after multiple warning is now abuse. Someone being not nice to a classmate is now bullying.

Children need to learn to work through negative experiences. We're not helping our children navigate through life by turning every little incident into bullying and abuse. Sometime people suck. They need coping skills.

A classmate making a mean joke about your shirt once is not bullying. They aren't being nice. There are kids throwing up before school with anxiety due to true bullying and walking on eggshells & fearful in true abusive homes.

[Anonymous]

My child, 6, has asked me 2-3 times in his life to stop yelling. I did not think I was yelling, I was speaking more loudly then normal and in a stern tone because he did something dangerous. In those rare instances, I picked him up and gave him a hug and told him that my voice was raised because he put himself in danger and I needed his immediate attention. We talked about the situation and how to handle it safely in the future. A few more hugs and we were all good. The last time was when he put his hand in the cars door frame as I was shutting the door and almost got it smashed. One time was running across the street without looking and almost into a car (he was following friends at school and also ignored the crossing guard).

Different kids do respond to different stimulation and responses. As a middle child, I get the feeling of being in the middle and getting in trouble for being too rough with my younger sibling but my parents ignoring something my older siblings did because I was suppose to be old enough to handle it solo. You also feel lost because you are not the first to do something or the baby. No one is saying not to discipline the child but tho think about what is effective for that child and how that child sees his place in the family.

I am glad that the child said something and that his parents are not blowing what he said off. He does not sound like he is overly sensitive but was able to point out what he sees as an imbalance and which the OP acknowledged was an imbalance.

My DS is in Cub Scouts and I actually like that they have that brochure for the parents to read and to talk to the kids about. It is a good way to have some not so easy conversations "We have to do this to earn your rank" and it opens up some difficult areas. It sounds like this time it gave the child an opportunity to voice some concerns and for the parents to hear them.

Good on both parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yelling at a kid to hurry up after multiple warning is now abuse. Someone being not nice to a classmate is now bullying.

Children need to learn to work through negative experiences. We're not helping our children navigate through life by turning every little incident into bullying and abuse. Sometime people suck. They need coping skills.

A classmate making a mean joke about your shirt once is not bullying. They aren't being nice. There are kids throwing up before school with anxiety due to true bullying and walking on eggshells & fearful in true abusive homes.

+1 finally some common sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally abused may be an exaggeration but it's the first time your son learned words to fit his feelings. He should not be dealing with brothers picking on him all the time. Put an end to that. And just because little sister wants her way doesn't make her right. He's shared something very painful with you. Listen to him. When you talk to him don't discredit his emotional abuse statement. Just tell him you're so happy he shared with you.

We had a good talk today about hurt feelings and abuse. I said it was wrong to give in to the toddler. She ran off with his book earlier and made her give the book back. Toddler cried and had a fit. This is the type of situation where we may have previously let toddler run off and I would have tried to distract or get book after she is tired of it (5-10min). DS seemed satisfied that we took book from toddler and gave it back to DS immediately.

I am going to make an active effort to yell less, especially to DS since I now know how sensitive he is to it.

Wow! I'm impressed! Good job mom! (or dad)

[Anonymous]

At age 9, I got hold of a child psychology book (I got this about the same time as I got "Gambling Secrets of Nick the Greek" and was going to Charles Town with my dad about 25 or so times a year and betting with my allowance money.)

I then sprung when my parents were trying to discipline me - I told them they were ruining my self-esteem.

They laughed.

[Anonymous]

I was a middle child and my mom always clearly favored my sister. It was a terrible way to grow up. My parents were also really big on ridiculing us for being "too sensitive." By the time I was ten, I knew that it wasn't a good idea to tell them about things because it was likely to be turned against me. Sexually abused by a family friend? Check. Didn't tell them for a really long time because I had already concluded that I would be blamed. Drinking, smoking, acting out? You betcha.

THe thing is that if your kid feels like they can't trust you to respect them and their belongings and their feelings, at some point they're going to clam up and stop sharing anything with you. You have the ability to fix this, OP, and you should feel really lucky that now you're aware of the unhealthy dynamics you have created, perhaps unintentionally, you can fix them. Please don't ridicule your child and tell him to get over it unless you're planning on having a relationship where your kid keeps his distance from you, perhaps for his whole life.

[Anonymous]

Check out the book The Highly Sensitive Child

https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Overwhelms/dp/0767908724/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1AGRI0ESY2T3&keywords=the+highly+sensitive+child+by+elaine+aron&qid=1557846068&s=gateway&sprefix=the+highly+sensitive+child%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of it is about how they process what's going on. You do have to parent some kids differently. My sister and I were raised the same way. I love my parents and am extremely close to them. They're good people. My sister says that my parents were emotionally abusive and negligent. She thinks she should have been able to see a therapist weekly about this the entire time she was growing up. I'm always shocked to hear her talk about our parents because our views are so drastically different. If anything, my sister was a tough kid who didn't have to do enough chores.

A grown woman resents her sister as she “didn’t do enough chores.” Good God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yelling at a kid to hurry up after multiple warning is now abuse. Someone being not nice to a classmate is now bullying.

Children need to learn to work through negative experiences. We're not helping our children navigate through life by turning every little incident into bullying and abuse. Sometime people suck. They need coping skills.

A classmate making a mean joke about your shirt once is not bullying. They aren't being nice. There are kids throwing up before school with anxiety due to true bullying and walking on eggshells & fearful in true abusive homes.

+1 finally some common sense!

+2

We do need to do a better job at teaching resilience as a society.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like he is trying to make you question yourself. He is trying to pull one over on you. Ow woes me. He wants to get away with everything now. I would become even stricter. Don’t fall for his antics .

[Anonymous]

Your kid is gaslighting you. Kids are smart. They learn cause and effect real fast.

Now we know where snowflakes come from.

And boy scouts have no right to lecture anyone on abuse. That organization is about to go bankrupt after covering it up for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is gaslighting you. Kids are smart. They learn cause and effect real fast.

Now we know where snowflakes come from.

And boy scouts have no right to lecture anyone on abuse. That organization is about to go bankrupt after covering it up for years.

The Cub Scouts have included the pamphlet and the requirement for parents to review the pamphlet with their kids because of the past abuse that occured. The idea is for the parents to know the warning signs, let parents know what they Scouts are doing to prevent it from happening, and to make sure that kids have additional resources. You cannot earn rank (Tiger, Wolf, Bear, and the like) wihtout completing the pamphlet and a cyber awareness program. It is on the parents to make sure that they complete these requirements.

The OP said this came up because they were reviewing the infomration that the Cub Scouts provide to make the family and kids more aware.