Do women really always know when their DH is cheating or in love with someone else?

[Anonymous]

I've been thinking about this lately for two reasons...

I ask first because my DH has always had female friends. He meets them for coffee, texts them, will even help them find jobs. I've realized over the years that I could be driving myself crazy over every woman he's friends with or just friendly with, but I don't. I came to terms with it years ago. And I don't think he's cheated or had affairs with any of them. I'm about 90% sure. That other 10%... who really knows. Maybe I just don't have good spidey sense. Or maybe I just don't feel like blowing up my life and my kids' lives over my husband having something as simple as a crush or an emotional affair. He's certainly not one who acts in that sort of overcompensating way that some would say cheaters act, i.e. tons of "I love you's" and texts with a million heart emojis and raving about your spouse and fantastic marriage to anyone who will listen.

The second reason I've been wondering about this is that DH and I have been friends with a couple for more than a year. The husband is a colleague several years older than me. We found out early that we and our spouses have a lot in common. So we all started to get together for drinks after work and even took a few road trips to wineries, shows, things like that. Well, last month, things took an unfortunate turn when his wife called me her husband's "girlfriend" at a party at their house. She had already had a drink or two and just blurted it out. No, he and I are not having an affair. Yes, we have some chemistry but I have no interest in blowing up my life and I think we all get along very well as friends. I value their friendship and want to be friends for a long time. I thought we were all a good friend match.

But that fact that she said this now throws a monkey wrench into our relationship. Maybe he is cheating on her-- with someone else-- but she thinks it's me? Maybe I just need to ask her point blank why she would say that. Which goes back to my original question-- are we women always right about these things or can we blow things out of proportion?

[Anonymous]

No, of course they don't always know! What kind of a question is this?

[Anonymous]

Just back off a little.

[Anonymous]

I would most definitely address this with his wife.

A very yelling slip I say.......

[Anonymous]

No, my spouse did not act at all in the overcompensating way you describe. He knew I didn't have access to his phone, phone bill, or credit card statements, so basically he had free reign to do as he pleased. I knew nothing until someone else told me.

[Anonymous]

I am happily married and have several male friends. Most of them have known me since before I got married (25 years ago) and are now friends with my husband as well. If any of their wives ever called me their girlfriend, even if she was tipsy when she said it, I would have nicely but very firmly cleared it up right then and there. What she said would not have been okay with me.

[Anonymous]

Ah, the evils of alcohol! Avoid socializing with them especially if he's a work colleague. Also, socializing with an older work colleague could churn the office rumor mill.

[Anonymous]

Women "think" they always know about everything. In reality, women are clueless.

[Anonymous]

Calm down. He’s not cheating on her. She’s drunk and made a basic comment

Have you ever heard of a work wife?

[Anonymous]

I found out because he ran up a $700 cell phone bill. The bill was in my name, but I admit I never looked at the list of charges. Well, I looked at that one! There were lots of hours long, daytime calls to the west coast where his close-in age cousin lived. He tried to play it off that he was talking to his cousin who was divorcing. Only his cousin was a ER physician. There was no way he was talking for 3-4 hours straight a day, 5 days a week. And none of the calls occurred on evenings or weekends when I would have been home.

When I pointed this out, the whole tawdry story spilled. Of course, it involved Facebook. They were going to both leave their spouses. She backed out. He and I reconciled, but divorced a year later for other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Most of the time they have no clue.

[Anonymous]

As to the first part of your post, if you want to know, get access to his phone and itemized phone bill statements online to see if he is deleting texts. Look for apps that he may use to communicate that wouldn't appear on the statement as texts. Also, iMessages won't appear as texts on the statement. Facebook messaging, hidden email addresses. Credit card and bank statements. Watch how he acts when you ask for access to his phone for some reason that you provide. Check browser history if you can. Locations. Amazon/PayPal. Look for signs of a separate phone altogether. Do NOT reveal to him what you've found as you go along. Thoroughly investigate everything first, or your access will be gone, passwords will be changed, etc..

[Anonymous]

Lordy, sounds like a lot of drama...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out because he ran up a $700 cell phone bill. The bill was in my name, but I admit I never looked at the list of charges. Well, I looked at that one! There were lots of hours long, daytime calls to the west coast where his close-in age cousin lived. He tried to play it off that he was talking to his cousin who was divorcing. Only his cousin was a ER physician. There was no way he was talking for 3-4 hours straight a day, 5 days a week. And none of the calls occurred on evenings or weekends when I would have been home.

When I pointed this out, the whole tawdry story spilled. Of course, it involved Facebook. They were going to both leave their spouses. She backed out. He and I reconciled, but divorced a year later for other reasons.

The affair didn't play a role in your divorce at all?

[Anonymous]

My DH has a bunch of female friends who I've met and I don't worry that he might be cheating. He's way too family dedicated to put it at risk and we have a great relationship. I still look pretty darn good at 43 and I happily enjoy trying to find my sexual peak and he's the beneficiary.....frequently.