Anxious about childcare - nanny or daycare or?
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Anonymous
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Please help me with my decision making, I’m so anxious I don’t know where to start. We are making a big move to a rural place and both DH and I will work from home full time. We have a 14 month old that until now has been with a nanny in the middle of DC, walkable everywhere. I’m terrified of the move and so scared how our lives will change. We can’t seem to agree on childcare either. Husband thinks nanny is not good for kid who is outgoing and energetic and he’s not comfortable with the idea of a stranger driving him to places. I am petrified of my son being put in a playpen and abandoned there by himself while one teacher tends to four other kids. I know the move is messing with my head and I don’t know where to start. Should we do a combination of both? We’re moving to improve our lives and we’d be kicking him out of the house to be at daycare.
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Anonymous
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You have to stop with the anxiety and crazy fear. Your son is 14 months. There is no reputable daycare that will stick him in a playpen by himself.
I would look at it, not as generic daycare v. nanny, but at what the actual options are in your area. I'd start by looking at what the actual options are near your new home--how far away are the daycares? Will it be a huge pain to drive him there every day, given that you work from home? What do you think of them? Do other people in the area have nannies? If you're not near a population center, it might be hard to find one. But figure out what actually exists in your area, rather than trying to decide categorically. |
Anonymous
Agree with everything PP is saying. Keep in mind that in a rural area, a nanny isn't going to have a plethora of options of things to do with you kid, like library story time, multiple playgrounds and playgroups. music classes, etc. Not saying those things won't exist, just not in the quantity they exist in DC. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety about this move in general? |
Anonymous
| I've never once seen any of the babies at my child's daycare center in a playpen, and I stop by multiple times a day to nurse (as do many of the other moms). Find a good, reputable center that you get a good vibe from touring. |
Anonymous
| For what it's worth, most nannies hate it when parents work from home. If both of you are going to be doing that, you may have a hard time finding a nanny. Also, do you really want your child home every day if you're both there? I get that it may mean some extra time with him, but it could also get to be a lot for everyone involved. Unless of course you're looking at 15,000 square foot houses in which case, carry on. |
Anonymous
| I work from home with a daycare in the neighborhood and it is wonderful - whenever LO is sick and home with a nanny it's way more painful for both of us being in close proximity but not together. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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OP here - thanks for the calming thoughts. Yes we’re trying something new but I’m afraid of it and no, it’s not a 15k sq foot house just your regular 3 bed 2 bath. My husband thinks
A nanny will be detrimental because it’s boring and she’d have to drive just to get to a playground or to library or to a far away zoo so he thinks a daycare (which few are close by) would be more fun for our son. I’m from Eastern Europe with a mom that stayed home and where daycares are a step up from orphanages. I just don’t know if he’ll have that undivided caring loving attention like with a nanny. (And I don’t want to tackle the reason or pro/con of the move, it’s happening and I need to come to terms With it). |
Anonymous
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When I left my 2 year old at daycare this morning, half the kids were playing dressup and dancing around to Let it Go, the other half were playing in a big box fort the kids decorated themselves and are all crazy proud of. My daughter ran up to her primary daycare teacher and gave me a big hug - and the teacher gave me a mothers day craft they made for us.
I can't speak to the places that are options for you - but my kid is doing way more interesting and enriching stuff there than she ever would do with me in my house, let alone a nanny! |
Anonymous
OP here - has she always been in daycare? I’m not sure what they’ll be doing at 1 year. |
Anonymous
Yes she started at 4 months. In the toddler room (1-2) the did crafts, story time, outdoor time, songs, and independent play with books, crayons, age appropriate toys. There’s a weekly theme all this stuff is arranged around. And a daily nap on cots ( no play pens). They did have cribs in the infant room, but for sleep, not baby storage. Daycare isn’t the orphanage you’re picturing. |
Anonymous
| I’m not a fan of daycare, OP. I’ve work in several. But I can assure you that 14 month olds in daycare centers are never in play pens. They have the freedom to move around the room between activities. They go outdoors. They sleep on cots. It will be fine. |
Anonymous
OP again - I read the dcum horror stories about daycare (sure nanny stories are bad too but not as often mentioned here) - if you’re not a fan of daycare is that age specific? Would your concerns be alleviated if he’s 14 months? |
Anonymous
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OP, I have a nearly 4 year old who has never been to traditional daycare, only nanny with classes and this past year half-day preschool that is mostly outdoors.
We have been super happy with his nanny and the preschool this year. YET, I would have no qualms about sending him to daycare as long as it's reputable. We know many, many people, and at this point my son has many friends who did go to daycare from a very young age, and they are all perfectly healthy, well adjusted kids. It will really be ok. In fact, I bet your son will love it in daycare, as well as in a rural area where he'll be able to roam around in nature. |
Anonymous
| PP here again. do you mind sharing where you are moving? We are considering a similar type of move in a couple of years. |