Anxious about childcare - nanny or daycare or?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what town? There is no part of CT that is so rural that you won't be able to find high-quality childcare or activities a nanny can take a child to.

IF you both work at home, and you are prone to anxiety, use a daycare or you will probably be replacing nannies every so often.

The second part is very true.

[Anonymous]

OP - I’ve worked at home before in a one bedroom apt and know to stay out of the way and have had no complaints from my current nanny. The issue is we are both at home, nanny would have to drive which my husband doesn’t like, I’m stressing about candidates as I’d have to use care.com as there are no listservs and I don’t know anyone there. I was set up to visit daycares but after conversation with my mom my fears are back in because she articulated what I’m anxious about. Just a mess.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here and in your situation I would look for an in-home daycare close to your house. A big center is a major transition on top of the move so that would be a drawback at that age. A nanny would be stuck in the same house as two working parents and that would be tough all around and make it really hard to transition to a new caregiver. A small in-home daycare is often a good midpoint—the kid gets out of the house and a little more structure and social time with peers but it is less overwhelming if the numbers are small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I’ve worked at home before in a one bedroom apt and know to stay out of the way and have had no complaints from my current nanny. The issue is we are both at home, nanny would have to drive which my husband doesn’t like, I’m stressing about candidates as I’d have to use care.com as there are no listservs and I don’t know anyone there. I was set up to visit daycares but after conversation with my mom my fears are back in because she articulated what I’m anxious about. Just a mess.

You need to calm down and stop listening to your mom, who sounds full of misinformation

[Anonymous]

it Sounds like you and your DH will only be happy if one of you becomes a SAHP. Or instead of fear mongering your mom can actually be useful and watch your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I’ve worked at home before in a one bedroom apt and know to stay out of the way and have had no complaints from my current nanny. The issue is we are both at home, nanny would have to drive which my husband doesn’t like, I’m stressing about candidates as I’d have to use care.com as there are no listservs and I don’t know anyone there. I was set up to visit daycares but after conversation with my mom my fears are back in because she articulated what I’m anxious about. Just a mess.

You need therapy

[Anonymous]

Your child is at a good age to consider a daycare center. When there are multiple kids around his age, he'll learn from the slightly older/more advanced ones and get to play with other kids.

We used two centers - one from 6 weeks until my daughter was 2.5 and one from then until kindergarten. They were both terrific. I never felt like she wasn't getting enough attention, and she was very prepared for elementary. They even did the bulk of the potty-training!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I’ve worked at home before in a one bedroom apt and know to stay out of the way and have had no complaints from my current nanny. The issue is we are both at home, nanny would have to drive which my husband doesn’t like, I’m stressing about candidates as I’d have to use care.com as there are no listservs and I don’t know anyone there. I was set up to visit daycares but after conversation with my mom my fears are back in because she articulated what I’m anxious about. Just a mess.

You need therapy

OP, I'll say it a bit nicer, but you should seek out a therapist in your new area. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety and it's channeling through the daycare/nanny decision. You are moving to a new place where you do not have connections and that can feel scary. You will figure it out. Tour daycare and interview nannies and see which feels better in your new location. You don't need to make this decision right now. Could you extend whatever leave you're taking to move to include a few days to sort out childcare? I don't think your true fear is about daycare vs. nanny. I think you are afraid of this move. You'll be OK and you'll feel settled in your new place soon. Give yourself a break.

[Anonymous]

People should give OP a break. Yes she is anxious but she’s from another culture where daycares aren’t used.

OP, care.com is not that hard to use. I usually do a manual search in addition to posting a job and write to the ones that seem promising. We do paper screen (ask for CV and have them answer a few questions), phone interview, in person, and if all that goes well check references and working interview of 1-2 weeks where I am home. I think it is fine to not want to trust your kid with a random person. But we have used nannies and preschool for under age 3, which is when I think they are fairly vulnerable/ less verbal. You just do your due diligence and that is it.

As for the people who are saying day care is usually fine, tragedies happen. A baby was killed by a worker at a daycare in town last year. Extremely sad. I think the worker had other life stress and took it out on baby. That is why I personally want to meet and vet the people who are caring for my child. I would not leave it to another person (agency, director). It’s a high burnout job and requires a certain combination of maturity, positive energy, and mental stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People should give OP a break. Yes she is anxious but she’s from another culture where daycares aren’t used.

OP, care.com is not that hard to use. I usually do a manual search in addition to posting a job and write to the ones that seem promising. We do paper screen (ask for CV and have them answer a few questions), phone interview, in person, and if all that goes well check references and working interview of 1-2 weeks where I am home. I think it is fine to not want to trust your kid with a random person. But we have used nannies and preschool for under age 3, which is when I think they are fairly vulnerable/ less verbal. You just do your due diligence and that is it.

As for the people who are saying day care is usually fine, tragedies happen. A baby was killed by a worker at a daycare in town last year. Extremely sad. I think the worker had other life stress and took it out on baby. That is why I personally want to meet and vet the people who are caring for my child. I would not leave it to another person (agency, director). It’s a high burnout job and requires a certain combination of maturity, positive energy, and mental stability.

Are you suggesting that tragedies don't happen with nanny care? One reassurance with day care is that there is always more than one caregiver on site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People should give OP a break. Yes she is anxious but she’s from another culture where daycares aren’t used.

OP, care.com is not that hard to use. I usually do a manual search in addition to posting a job and write to the ones that seem promising. We do paper screen (ask for CV and have them answer a few questions), phone interview, in person, and if all that goes well check references and working interview of 1-2 weeks where I am home. I think it is fine to not want to trust your kid with a random person. But we have used nannies and preschool for under age 3, which is when I think they are fairly vulnerable/ less verbal. You just do your due diligence and that is it.

As for the people who are saying day care is usually fine, tragedies happen. A baby was killed by a worker at a daycare in town last year. Extremely sad. I think the worker had other life stress and took it out on baby. That is why I personally want to meet and vet the people who are caring for my child. I would not leave it to another person (agency, director). It’s a high burnout job and requires a certain combination of maturity, positive energy, and mental stability.

Are you suggesting that tragedies don't happen with nanny care? One reassurance with day care is that there is always more than one caregiver on site.

Some daycares also have camera systems.

[Anonymous]

A good nanny is generally the best way to go.

[Anonymous]

OP, I really recommend that you try to find a nanny because that has worked for you and while i do think daycare can be great, it would cause you far too much anxiety and therefore it will not be a good fit. Any potential social interaction is not worth the anxiety it would cause you. Your child can get interaction out and about with the nanny. I do agree talking to a therapist about this anxiety is a good idea because your child will eventually have to go to group care even if it’s elementary school. Do a nanny and then maybe you can ease in half day preschool a few days a week in a couple years. I think that will be a better fit.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone suggested this -- what about a live-in au pair? If you have a spare bedroom/bathroom.

Also, just because you work from home, doesn't mean you have to stay home. You could go work from coffee shop or coworking space.

For activities, every community has a library. Maybe you can find otger moms and put together a play group.

I am a day care parent and I love it. Our day care (here in DC) is awesome. I have no idea how they will be in your area. You should visit them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone suggested this -- what about a live-in au pair? If you have a spare bedroom/bathroom.

Also, just because you work from home, doesn't mean you have to stay home. You could go work from coffee shop or coworking space.

For activities, every community has a library. Maybe you can find otger moms and put together a play group.

I am a day care parent and I love it. Our day care (here in DC) is awesome. I have no idea how they will be in your area. You should visit them.

If OPs husband is scared of a nanny driving, he’s going to be terrified about a young au pair driving.