Anxious about childcare - nanny or daycare or?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have family who work in high quality daycares and they aren't ideal (when you hear all the inside scoop)but they aren't going to leave your child in a playpen. Lots of kids go to daycare and grow up to be happy, healthy adults.

I think you first need to figure out what your needs are. If you are both working from home then a nanny doesn't seem like a good option as they would need to be out most of the day.

Since you are rural, are there options for daycare centers close to you - how far would you need to drive? how many centers do you have to choose from?

Is a family run daycare an option? Any of those near you - there you get more mothering type care in a home environment but your child is still with other kids - but often they have less staff so can't get out for activities as much if driving is required.

Your child can be safe or unsafe, thrive or not thrive in any of the options. It isn't the type of care that will determine how it goes.

We are using a home daycare with a low ratio (they split the kids into age groups for activities and DS has two other kids that are within a month of him in age in his group), licensing, two providers plus a part timer/sub, and cameras. I like it a lot because I feel like we have a lot of the benefits of a nannyshare (which I did before) but also the added benefit of structure (they send us a menu and sample curriculum monthly) accountability, etc.

[Anonymous]

Our daughter was in a nanny share ( just two babies) until our nanny suddenly gave notice at 13 months. Then involuntarily into daycare and it was great for her. I didn’t think she would benefit much from social interaction at that age but she did. She was soon telling me friends names, bringing home lots of art, she potty trained early because friends a little older were. I would lean daycare in your situation.

[Anonymous]

OP again - thanks all helpful and keep it coming, the move is happening this upcoming weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you cannot find an engaged and educated nanny (one who can involve your child in playgroups, storytimes and classes) I would go with a good daycare. I am not a fan of daycare at all but I do believe that daycare is better than a nanny who is nothing more than a babysitter.

This. I am firmly in the educated nanny camp and I think you could find some great candidates in Connecticut (when you said rural my first thought was Alabama). Our nanny is a former preschool teacher and has DS involved in so many things - playgroups and classes - that we are actually putting off starting him in preschool until he is 3.5. Our nanny hosts an art class with DS and other kids in our garage once a week!

[Anonymous]

OP again - of course I just got off the phone w mom and mentioned daycare and she told me stories about kids sleeping on the ground with no shirts on as the teacher was on her iPhone. So ....no one is helping me just adding to my anxiety and self doubt so I guess I’m back to nanny searching too.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the kid. My first was with FT nanny until 18 months and then went to half time preschool, nanny picked up at 11:30 and home for lunch, nap, outdoor fun. We tried to transition the second to the same schedule at 2 and it did not work. Second child did not like the school environment that first child loved. First child is very extroverted and exploratory. Second child more oriented to intimate relationships and loves being home.

I always liked to have mine napping at home regardless of the morning. But maybe you can try a split schedule since that will be best of both worlds. In 2-3 hours at daycare/preschool they do a little outdoor play, snack, reading:music and time to go home. I do think most kids need quite a bit of one on one time until about 3. 3-4 is the age that I saw my kids preferring peer interaction to bonding with a grown up. For that age group care is really important. Younger than 2, I think a play date or group class few times a eeem is more than enough.

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about a day care where the kids are sleeping on the ground without shirts while the teacher is on their phone, choose one with video cameras that lets you check in on the kids.

You are going to hear about the bed ones in the news, those are the outliers. There is not an opposing program that shows you all the good to great daycares that are available. And even good day cares will have the occassional hiccup. It is a hiccup because the program sees the problem and fixes it. My DS day care had a problem with one teacher and one child who refused to nap or lie quietly on his cot during nap time. The teacher only lasted 4 months because his bahvior towards the one child was not proper, ie he tried to hold him on the cot. The first time that happened, the parents called and the teacher was gone. Not ideal but quickly dealt with.

We choose a day care that had a cirriculum, regular evaluations of the kid, out and indoor play areas, and served good food to the kids. as a bonus, it offered sports classes and swimming that the kids could do.

We never even thought about a Nanny, way too expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - of course I just got off the phone w mom and mentioned daycare and she told me stories about kids sleeping on the ground with no shirts on as the teacher was on her iPhone. So ....no one is helping me just adding to my anxiety and self doubt so I guess I’m back to nanny searching too.

I saw this gently but you need to get a grip and look around. You probably interact with dozens of people a day who sent this children to daycare. Those kids were not sleeping on the ground with no shirts on. Horror stories from daycares -- and nannies -- happen because they are anomalies.

Please seek help for your anxiety. It will really help your quality of life.

[Anonymous]

Our daycare has weekly music and science classes (for the toddler classroom), very low teacher turnover and they even had a mother’s day party where we did arts and crafts with the kids. Our parents generation has an unfavorable impression of daycare likely because they didn’t have these bougie daycare options. Not every daycare is great of course but there are plenty of amazing ones, you just need to actually get out there and so some research. I am firmly in the camp of socialization is great for the kids. My toddler loves saying his friends names when he’s supposed to be going to sleep and saying night night to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our daycare has weekly music and science classes (for the toddler classroom), very low teacher turnover and they even had a mother’s day party where we did arts and crafts with the kids. Our parents generation has an unfavorable impression of daycare likely because they didn’t have these bougie daycare options. Not every daycare is great of course but there are plenty of amazing ones, you just need to actually get out there and so some research. I am firmly in the camp of socialization is great for the kids. My toddler loves saying his friends names when he’s supposed to be going to sleep and saying night night to them.

Yep, my bouquet in home daycare is small with tons of accountability ( she tells us after an inspection and walks us through the results) and trained providers (she and her assistant use the holiday in winter partially for training). Heck, my main teacher’s kids went through AAP and she gives us advice on navigating FCPS and the AAP process. DD was afraid of water until they worked with her using the water table in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Most people who have their children in daycare centers that they love aren't going to the news and raving about it -- that's why you are only hearing the bad stories. My daughter started daycare at 4 months and was there until she went to K. She had great friends there and wonderful experiences. They exposed her to different foods (they provided hot lunch) and taught her to eat family style (and pour her own milk from a pitcher into a cup before age 2). They had weekly themes and had an academic approach for certain times of the day -- science-y stuff for 1/2 hour, quiet reading time, etc even in the young ages. They taught her how to read and write, and she loved it. She would get upset on days I didn't take her, or days I picked up early.

[Anonymous]

OP what town? There is no part of CT that is so rural that you won't be able to find high-quality childcare or activities a nanny can take a child to.

IF you both work at home, and you are prone to anxiety, use a daycare or you will probably be replacing nannies every so often.

[Anonymous]

I am not a fan of Day scares and see them as necessary evil for working parents. If you are able to find a good nanny, go for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a fan of Day scares and see them as necessary evil for working parents. If you are able to find a good nanny, go for that.

Well, there is a thoughtful and well-informed statement.

[Anonymous]

Fixed:

I am not a fan of daycares and see them as necessary evil for working parents. If you are able to find a good nanny, go for that.