What advice do you have for raising a child who is gifted?

[Anonymous]

What resources do you recommend? Any good books for parenting a gifted child? How do you handle some of the social and emotional downsides, ie difficulty connecting with peers of the same age, extreme sensitivity, etc? New to all of this, thanks.

[Anonymous]

How gifted? Some school districts over 50% are gifted. Also how old?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both profoundly gifted (ugh, hate writing that because it sounds so arrogant, but we were both tested as children and in gifted programs at school growing up). DC is, not surprisingly, showing all the signs, has been since birth, and seems even smarter than us. Honestly it scares me. DC is only 3 so it’s too early for testing.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about testing or get hung up on comparisons to peers. Follow your child's lead. Provide enrichment as necessary. Critically, do not over-communicate to your child how smart they are. Instead, focus on complimenting hard work, creativity, innovation, etc. Lots of gifted kids are repeatedly told how smart they are and because everything comes pretty easily, and so it takes a long time (and is often a hard road) to develop/appreciate the importance of work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both profoundly gifted (ugh, hate writing that because it sounds so arrogant, but we were both tested as children and in gifted programs at school growing up). DC is, not surprisingly, showing all the signs, has been since birth, and seems even smarter than us. Honestly it scares me. DC is only 3 so it’s too early for testing.

Intelligence often reverts to the mean.

[Anonymous]

Many kids in this area test at the 90-99%, and are very smart/gifted. In less your child is above 99% in everything they are just average here. Sorry to be the one to tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both profoundly gifted (ugh, hate writing that because it sounds so arrogant, but we were both tested as children and in gifted programs at school growing up). DC is, not surprisingly, showing all the signs, has been since birth, and seems even smarter than us. Honestly it scares me. DC is only 3 so it’s too early for testing.

That's normal around here. Quite a few of our kids were reading t age 3, so not its not too early for testing but why would you test? To stroke your ego?

[Anonymous]

^^I don’t think you understand what “profoundly gifted” means.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Avoid using the words "smart" or "gifted" in the kid's earshot. My parents hid my IQ test results from me and I didn't know what I was working with until I was in my teens. It was v. helpful.

[Anonymous]

Teach them you can learn something from everyone you meet.
Work on the social stuff.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I figured I would get flamed for this but wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast. I’m less concerned about education or testing at this point, and more about the specific social emotional issues that gifted kids have. DC has super advanced language so peer relationships are challenging because other kids can’t communicate or participate well in the type of complex play DC prefers. DC is super sensitive, prefers interacting with adults or doing solo play, struggles to connect with other kids on the playground who don’t take turns or share or follow rules, push, are aggressive, etc.

I want to figure out how to help DC navigate these social issues so she doesn’t feel isolated from peers. I am seeing it already and despite doinf activities, play dates, etc. and coaching her on how to initiate and make friends with other kids and play together she still seems to generally prefer adult interaction.

When DH and I were being raised there was no attention on these types of downsides to giftedness, or the unique social/emotional challenges that can crop up, it was just a sole focus on making sure we were educationally challenged.

And yes thank you for the point about effort and not praising for being “smart” I have heard that before and think it is great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^I don’t think you understand what “profoundly gifted” means.

Yes, I do, and most kids aren't and child may or may not be but who cares. OP approach is why kids who are profoundly gifted fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I figured I would get flamed for this but wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast. I’m less concerned about education or testing at this point, and more about the specific social emotional issues that gifted kids have. DC has super advanced language so peer relationships are challenging because other kids can’t communicate or participate well in the type of complex play DC prefers. DC is super sensitive, prefers interacting with adults or doing solo play, struggles to connect with other kids on the playground who don’t take turns or share or follow rules, push, are aggressive, etc.

I want to figure out how to help DC navigate these social issues so she doesn’t feel isolated from peers. I am seeing it already and despite doinf activities, play dates, etc. and coaching her on how to initiate and make friends with other kids and play together she still seems to generally prefer adult interaction.

When DH and I were being raised there was no attention on these types of downsides to giftedness, or the unique social/emotional challenges that can crop up, it was just a sole focus on making sure we were educationally challenged.

And yes thank you for the point about effort and not praising for being “smart” I have heard that before and think it is great advice.

Language ability means nothing at that age. My kid wasn't talking but reading (and not memorized things). You are way over thinking it. You assuming how much better and smarter your child is, will be your child's downfall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I figured I would get flamed for this but wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast. I’m less concerned about education or testing at this point, and more about the specific social emotional issues that gifted kids have. DC has super advanced language so peer relationships are challenging because other kids can’t communicate or participate well in the type of complex play DC prefers. DC is super sensitive, prefers interacting with adults or doing solo play, struggles to connect with other kids on the playground who don’t take turns or share or follow rules, push, are aggressive, etc.

I want to figure out how to help DC navigate these social issues so she doesn’t feel isolated from peers. I am seeing it already and despite doinf activities, play dates, etc. and coaching her on how to initiate and make friends with other kids and play together she still seems to generally prefer adult interaction.

When DH and I were being raised there was no attention on these types of downsides to giftedness, or the unique social/emotional challenges that can crop up, it was just a sole focus on making sure we were educationally challenged.

And yes thank you for the point about effort and not praising for being “smart” I have heard that before and think it is great advice.

you are already doing too much.

-- parent with IQ 160+