What advice do you have for raising a child who is gifted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, a few things stand out for me about your post. What you describe (hyper-verbal, lots of parallel play, good with adults but not so good with peers, etc) are also all indicators for what *could be* HFA. Autism looks very different in girls than in boys. My oldest was very similar to your DD (it sounds like) when she was younger (I assume your DC is under 4?)-talked full sentences at 1, read by 2.5, did puzzles, crazy imaginary games etc. It was hard for her to play with peers because she was on a different level. What I thought was just social awkwardness because she was more advanced (compared to her peers not necessarily herself) actually became more pronounced the older she got. We had her tested at Stixrud and evaluated at Children's (the former at age 8.5, the latter when she was 5), and she was placed on the high end of the spectrum or what used to be Aspbergers. She also has an IQ that is off the charts.

I am in no way saying your DC has HFA. At. all. But while you seek to enrich her academic life, I think it is good you are also keeping an eye on her peer relationships. I would keep doing one-on-one playdates as much as you can and just keep an eye on her.

Yes you are in this way implying OPs kid will have problems. Ugly.

Op’s Kid does have problems. Did you not read page 1?

[Anonymous]

Tell them it’s its their duty to use their gifts to help those less fortunate

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter what you do. Beto says we're going to did from climate change in ten years anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I figured I would get flamed for this but wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast. I’m less concerned about education or testing at this point, and more about the specific social emotional issues that gifted kids have. DC has super advanced language so peer relationships are challenging because other kids can’t communicate or participate well in the type of complex play DC prefers. DC is super sensitive, prefers interacting with adults or doing solo play, struggles to connect with other kids on the playground who don’t take turns or share or follow rules, push, are aggressive, etc.

I want to figure out how to help DC navigate these social issues so she doesn’t feel isolated from peers. I am seeing it already and despite doinf activities, play dates, etc. and coaching her on how to initiate and make friends with other kids and play together she still seems to generally prefer adult interaction.

When DH and I were being raised there was no attention on these types of downsides to giftedness, or the unique social/emotional challenges that can crop up, it was just a sole focus on making sure we were educationally challenged.

And yes thank you for the point about effort and not praising for being “smart” I have heard that before and think it is great advice.

You are not describing any behaviors that are unique to gifted children.

[Anonymous]

OP our household is like yours. We shifted our perspective after reading The Drama of the Gifted Child. The child you have is adjusting to your wants and needs more than you can know.

[Anonymous]

I really enjoyed the book "Your Child's Growing Mind" by Jane Healy. It encouraged me to follow and watch the little guy's brain at work instead of trying to manipulate it into what I thought it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both profoundly gifted (ugh, hate writing that because it sounds so arrogant, but we were both tested as children and in gifted programs at school growing up). DC is, not surprisingly, showing all the signs, has been since birth, and seems even smarter than us. Honestly it scares me. DC is only 3 so it’s too early for testing.

"since birth"
please tell us more!

uhm hello it’s scary and OP is scared

[Anonymous]

"Children Above 180 IQ Stanford-Binet: Origin and Development" is the best I've read on profoundly gifted children. Hollingworth was instrumental in helping start New York City's gifted program in the early 1900s. It's mostly made up of case studies. Hollingworth followed "her" children into adulthood, so you get to see a broader picture. She closes with a general discussion of giftedness. The book is freely available from Project Gutenberg.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/47403

I was in FCPS' GT program back when it required (unprepped) scores of 140+. I knew some really impressive prodigies - though presumably not anyone at that high a level - and Hollingworth's writing rings true.

[Anonymous]

I'd agree that three is a bit young to worry about this. At that age, just support DC's interests and social interaction.

For one of our DC's, things got worse in elementary. Don't let the DCUM know-it-alls tell you that gifted kids don't have higher incidence of sensory and/or social issues. They do. But that doesn't mean that every individual gifted kid does. Our DC's have WISC-V scores of 138 and 140, so almost identical. They're nowhere near the range of PG, but definitely in the gifted range. One has every single gifted kid issue and didn't do well socially until we moved them to a private gifted school. The other one functioned just fine in the classroom and you'd never know they're gifted. Let your kid mature a bit and keep an eye on them.

Our neuropsych recommended the following resources:

The Social and Emotional Lives of Gifted Children by Tracy Cross, Ph.D.

Teaching Gifted Children in the Regular Classroom by Susan Winebrenner and Pamela Espeland.

The Survival Guide for Parents of Gifted Kids by Sally Yahnke Walker.

Hoagie’s Gifted Education Page: www.hoagiesgifted.org contains many resources, articles, books, and links to help support parents, teachers, and gifted children.

The Davison Institute (www.davidsongifted.org) offers supportive family services, education, summer programs, resources, and seminars for gifted children.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s really not fair to your child to just pretend she’s just like everyone else to meet someone’s standards of “normal”; ie of average intelligence. It’s a gift. It’s also a drive. Not all highly intelligent children/ people have all these “sensory issues”.
The world is full of very bright well adjusted happy smart people.
In preschool is ok but it rapidly becomes not ok. My DC (at Ivy now) said finished everything on Monday and spent the rest of the week in school just waiting. All day every day just waiting for the rest of the class to catch up. Not allowed to say or act “bored” just waiting waiting waiting.
During an illness wrote and published on an adult level in 7th grade. Enough. Needed to be with others like DC was and we changed schools — much happier.
You need to accommodate your child.

[Anonymous]

I'd really emphasize the value of hard work, growth mindset etc. Smart kids tend to get used to having everything be easy for them and can't deal when something is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s really not fair to your child to just pretend she’s just like everyone else to meet someone’s standards of “normal”; ie of average intelligence. It’s a gift. It’s also a drive. Not all highly intelligent children/ people have all these “sensory issues”.
The world is full of very bright well adjusted happy smart people.
In preschool is ok but it rapidly becomes not ok. My DC (at Ivy now) said finished everything on Monday and spent the rest of the week in school just waiting. All day every day just waiting for the rest of the class to catch up. Not allowed to say or act “bored” just waiting waiting waiting.
During an illness wrote and published on an adult level in 7th grade. Enough. Needed to be with others like DC was and we changed schools — much happier.
You need to accommodate your child.

It’s also not fair to pretend she’s not normal when she is.

Op has a very young child who speaks well. That’s not gifted. So everything she’s claiming as being a consequence of being too smart isn’t actually a consequence of that. Poor social skills are just that. Poor social skills. They should be addressed as such.

Oof. Can you imagine a kid who is struggling with social skills and mom just reads books on gifted children and dismisses her child’s deficits as her being too smart? Then the kid grows up with crap social skills and end up being normal academically.

I’ve seen it happen. In that case mom kept making excuses for everything. Kid was never performing to his actual potential. It’s maddening. I kid you not, she still talks about his early verbal skills. He’s 12! I remember he wasn’t reading fluently in 1st grade (like real chapter books which isn’t normal but whatever) and she was sure he was dyslexic because he knew all letters at 18 mo and could sound out easy words by 3.

[Anonymous]

Those social difficulties do not stem from being gifted, but rather are social difficulties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both profoundly gifted (ugh, hate writing that because it sounds so arrogant, but we were both tested as children and in gifted programs at school growing up). DC is, not surprisingly, showing all the signs, has been since birth, and seems even smarter than us. Honestly it scares me. DC is only 3 so it’s too early for testing.

"since birth"
please tell us more!

"No thank you, Mommy, I prefer the left boob."

[Anonymous]

The ability to strategically hide intelligence is a huge social advantage, particularly for women. “Normal,” “abnormal,” frame that in your head however, but make sure she gets this skill.