Friend hasn't acknowledged my recent childbirth. Weird?

[Anonymous]

I had my second baby at the beginning of March. As you know those first few weeks are a whirlwind of adjustment. My husband took control of corresponding with family and friends to announce the delivery. Over the next week I received texts and calls checking in on my welfare. It dawned on me over a week later that I had heard nothing from one of our closest local friends (my older son and their son have monthly playdates and we've spent time together apart from the kids). I asked my son if he informed them. He said he did. My baby is now 8 weeks and I've received not even a text from the wife. It's just just this past week that I've mulled it over and it seems odd. Mg husband saw her about 2 weeks ago and she told him to pass along her regards ("tell her I say hello"). But this is someone who has my number, who've I've had lengthy conversations with and shared numerous meals. I don't know if I should be puzzled or hurt. I can't imagine not checking in on a friend who had a baby in that first week let alone 2 months. Am I overreacting by feeling this way or this normal?

[Anonymous]

The world does not revolve around you and your baby. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she has her own life and her own worries. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you should be at the top of her list.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you’ve even noticed. Try not to score keep.

[Anonymous]

You're overreacting. I love my friends to death, but had a horribly traumatic birth and entry into motherhood, and I don't talk to my friends about their pregnancies or births or babies. Once baby is older I can handle being around them, but I have horrific PTSD (yes I'm in therapy) and all things pregnancy/birth/baby sets me off.

It's not all about you. You have no idea why she hasn't said anything, so let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world does not revolve around you and your baby. Get over it.

Yep. Your phone is able to make calls not just receive them. Call her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you’ve even noticed. Try not to score keep.

Seriously. Except for siblings I have no memory of who did or did not reach out after my second was born. Who cares. People have their own lives.

[Anonymous]

This is so odd. I mean, it would be one thing if you could somehow read minds and know that she didn't care or felt actively antagonistic about/averse to your new kid. But there are so many reasons to intentionally not reach out that have nothing to do with apathy or antipathy. Like... not wanting to bug a busy mom of a newborn, figuring she'll contact you when she's feeling up to socializing. And so many more.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m having a lot of really difficult things going on in my life right now. I’m sure I’ve missed contacting people I should have lately. Reach out to her and say hi

[Anonymous]

I thought you said your kid and her kid play together regularly, no? So why havent you or dh kept to your normal routine and meet up for those weekly/monthly playdates?

This isnt your first rodeo Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my second baby at the beginning of March. As you know those first few weeks are a whirlwind of adjustment. My husband took control of corresponding with family and friends to announce the delivery. Over the next week I received texts and calls checking in on my welfare. It dawned on me over a week later that I had heard nothing from one of our closest local friends (my older son and their son have monthly playdates and we've spent time together apart from the kids). I asked my son if he informed them. He said he did. My baby is now 8 weeks and I've received not even a text from the wife. It's just just this past week that I've mulled it over and it seems odd. Mg husband saw her about 2 weeks ago and she told him to pass along her regards ("tell her I say hello"). But this is someone who has my number, who've I've had lengthy conversations with and shared numerous meals. I don't know if I should be puzzled or hurt. I can't imagine not checking in on a friend who had a baby in that first week let alone 2 months. Am I overreacting by feeling this way or this normal?

I definitely think that is odd behavior by your friend — I would feel hurt if I were in your position. Who doesn’t send congrats on the birth of a child, even if just a text? Has she had some personal loss recently (miscarriage, infertility problems, a death in the family, etc) that might offer some explanation?

[Anonymous]

I also think this is odd and insensitive. You just had a baby! She's had many weeks to contact you and give you her congratulations, ask how you are, and see if your son wants an extra couple of playdates to give you a break. It takes one minute to send a text.

Now, devil's advocate: if she's like me, she procrastinates because she wants to call you. But she doesn't find the right time to call, time passes, and then it seems like a quick text message is inadequate in light of the delay. Then it becomes awkward to call because time has passed, she's feeling guilty and awkward, which makes her not call, which turns into a vicious cycle of non-communication. Now she's feeling guilty, awkward, a bit self-loathing, and overall avoidant. If, in fact, she's like me, then the best thing for you to do is reach out to her. I know that seems counterintuitive. But shoot her a quick text photo of something relevant to your relationship, and then suggest a park meet-up or coffee at your house so she can meet the baby.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she thinks you don’t want to be bothered by texts and phone calls. It’s weird to me that you even noticed. How does it really affect you to not get a congratulations text?

I think it’s probably your hormones talking.

[Anonymous]

Can you explain how you have the time or energy to care?

[Anonymous]

A playdate once a month hardly constitutes a good or close friend. She is an acquaintance! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she, or a member of her family, has been ill or had a terrible diagnosis. Or, maybe,, she just doesn't give a damn