Friend hasn't acknowledged my recent childbirth. Weird?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so glad a self-focused bean-counterclike you is not my “friend.” You really are “that person,” and you really are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

You have friend’s number....send a text asking how things are going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: UPDATE: I asked my husband again, since writing the OP and he filled in more details. He said her husband has been confiding in him about how stressed she's been with work. My DH mentioned she was busy but apparently it's to the point her hair is falling out. She told my DH when he stopped by to meet with her DH how bad she felt that she had not reached out. Could she have reached out and said she's swamped instead of feeling guilty? I guess but when under that kind of stress you're just plain overwhelmed and should be given a measure of grace.

Long story short I wish DH told me this weeks ago. Neither of us have family local so we became friends and relied on each other over the years. That's why I noticed her not saying anything when it would have gone unnoticed for someone else.

I guess some of you blunt posters were right.

So, as a goodfriend, you should reach out to HER. Stop playing your post partum/newborn card and look up and you'll see there are some real struggles out there.
How do you not see this? Oh, that's right. You were too busy being petty with keeping track of well-wishers for the past 8 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So, as a goodfriend, you should reach out to HER. Stop playing your post partum/newborn card and look up and you'll see there are some real struggles out there.
How do you not see this? Oh, that's right. You were too busy being petty with keeping track of well-wishers for the past 8 weeks.

I do plan to reach out now that I know. For what it's worth I don't think being postpartum or having a newborn is a card per se. Other than my parents, sibling and 2 local friends, her being one of them, I don't think this would even register even 2 months later.

[Anonymous]

My very best friend that I used to see daily didn’t come visit me until the baby was 8 weeks old. We’d had other issues but that was the final straw. I was really struggling postpartum and could have used a friend. I’m not sure why no one visits new moms but I think it’s awful. I was desperate for company.

[Anonymous]

Weird you've noticed OP.

[Anonymous]

She’s a narcissist. It wasn’t all about her, it wasn’t about her at all - so she is uninterested.
This is not an easy person to have in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I can’t believe any of you hunk that’s normal. This is a close friend. If my close friend didn’t call me when I had my baby I’d call her like what is going on? And she would tell me and we’d talk about it because that’s what friends do. Either something’s goijg on or you’re not as friendly as you think

It's not a close friend. If it was Op would have called her instead of trying to guess what the problem might be.

Even after my husband contacted friends and family informing them that I had given birth, I would have called my closest friends if I did not hear from them in a couple of days to give them the details. Somthing major happens, and you call your closest friends, not wait for them to call you.

[Anonymous]

You had a baby. It’s joyous. No need to wallow because one person isn’t gushing over you while everyone else is. You did not have life altering surgery nor did you begin chemo—actual things that you need to be checked on for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My very best friend that I used to see daily didn’t come visit me until the baby was 8 weeks old. We’d had other issues but that was the final straw. I was really struggling postpartum and could have used a friend. I’m not sure why no one visits new moms but I think it’s awful. I was desperate for company.

And I was desperate for people to leave me the eff alone. Different strokes for different folks. Maybe she had a sister or a SIL or someone teacher her that new parents are very busy, and visitors aren't always wanted. A visit within the first 8 weeks is still visiting pretty damn early on.

You sound incredibly selfish, myopic and vain. She's better off without a "very best friend" like you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is experiencing infertility, lost a pregnancy, or in my case, had to have an emergency hyst and didn’t feel like being around someone gushing over a newborn. If you care about this friend, reach out and say you miss her and thank her for sending her regards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprised no one has suggested this, but does she only have the one child? Perhaps she is going through secondary infertility and/or just had a miscarriage. My friend from college texted me her first ultrasound picture not even 48 hours after we'd been to an ultrasound to find that our baby had no heartbeat. When I responded with a short "congrats" she expressed discontent, and then I had to divulge that DW had just had her second miscarriage in six months and it was a very difficult time. As others have suggested, maybe she's going through some stuff. Or maybe she's just really busy and as one PP suggested, realizes it's awkward now because it's been so long.

Are you a lesbian couple?

yes

Hugs. I wondered bcs there was a post about a couple that were ready to have a kid...

[Anonymous]

Despite how DCUM loves to blame OPs for any issue, yes, I do think it would be odd that my close friend didn't reach out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also think this is odd and insensitive. You just had a baby! She's had many weeks to contact you and give you her congratulations, ask how you are, and see if your son wants an extra couple of playdates to give you a break. It takes one minute to send a text.

Now, devil's advocate: if she's like me, she procrastinates because she wants to call you. But she doesn't find the right time to call, time passes, and then it seems like a quick text message is inadequate in light of the delay. Then it becomes awkward to call because time has passed, she's feeling guilty and awkward, which makes her not call, which turns into a vicious cycle of non-communication. Now she's feeling guilty, awkward, a bit self-loathing, and overall avoidant. If, in fact, she's like me, then the best thing for you to do is reach out to her. I know that seems counterintuitive. But shoot her a quick text photo of something relevant to your relationship, and then suggest a park meet-up or coffee at your house so she can meet the baby.

You're psycho. Honestly.

And you’re a jerk.
OP, thanks for the update.

[Anonymous]

She’s too busy posting on DCUM about how pasta salad is trashy.