Very young moms and their “research”

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both in the medical field (pediatrician and speech therapist) so we see a lot of parents who take very different approaches. We’ve both found that very young moms tend to be the most likely to reject medical advice in favor of their own research. Rather it be refusing vaccines, refusing to use or finish an antibiotic, refusing necessary treatment... it tends to come from white mothers who under 25. Of course, there of very opinionated people of all ages but most of my more challenging parents are young white mothers (often single mothers, sometimes with a similar aged husband who I rarely see). DH sees the same demographic.

DH had a case where a 3-year-old kept coming in with strep. He kept prescribing antibiotics until he said they’d need to admit him because they just weren’t working. The mother then casually mentioned she’d never given him the antibiotic because she didn’t want him to get resistant to it. He’s had a handful of patients start the antibiotic and stop after two days, and then come in and the parents complain antibiotics don’t work because the child is ill again.

I’m often met with a lot of hostility from some young mothers. I can think of three parents I have right now where everything I say is wrong because the internet says X, Y, Z. Everything is a battle. I’m constantly getting print outs from Natural News.

We have a friend who is a pediatric dentist who has similar issues. An uprise in cavities because parents are using fluoride free toothpaste. Teeth rotting out because they refuse treatment (no fillings because of the toxins in the fillings/novocaine).

And no, I’m not saying this is an issue with all young mothers. We’ve all just found that our avant “researchers” fall into the 19-25 demographic.

DH thinks it’s a mix of lack of formal education with inflated ego. I disagree. I think the pressures of motherhood on a younger women can just become too much. It’s hard to prove myself competent as a 36 year old. I can’t imagine being a mom at 21 and going through it. I do believe these women are good mothers and are trying their best. It’s almost like an overcompensation.

“I’m parenting! I care! See how much work I’ve put in! See how much I know!”

Has anyone else found this to be true? Maybe it’s regional for us.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to prove myself competent as a 36 year old. I can’t imagine being a mom at 21 and going through it. I do believe these women are good mothers and are trying their best. It’s almost like an overcompensation.

“I’m parenting! I care! See how much work I’ve put in! See how much I know!”

Pediatrician here, has worked in about 4 different regions of the US. I would agree.

It takes a lot of extra energy to deal with it. The kids are worth it, but it's exhausting. You do it anyway.

[Anonymous]

You are a health practitioner, and need to get over your judgment and generalities, or get out of your profession.

You were once a young, inexperienced person. Maybe you didn’t have the internet and media at your fingertips, which is a game changer for how ANYONE gains information.

Seems to me you and your husband aren’t good health educators, or very good with communicating with your clientele on their level. Of course, based on your dripping with judgement and disdain post, I’m not surprised that you’re that way in real life. They’re not listening and communicating with you honestly because they KNOW you think you’re better than them. Sooner or later, they’ll find other practices, which, the universe willing, they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a health practitioner, and need to get over your judgment and generalities, or get out of your profession.

You were once a young, inexperienced person. Maybe you didn’t have the internet and media at your fingertips, which is a game changer for how ANYONE gains information.

Seems to me you and your husband aren’t good health educators, or very good with communicating with your clientele on their level. Of course, based on your dripping with judgement and disdain post, I’m not surprised that you’re that way in real life. They’re not listening and communicating with you honestly because they KNOW you think you’re better than them. Sooner or later, they’ll find other practices, which, the universe willing, they should.

I’ve found the anti-vaxer.

OP doesn’t sound any more judgmental than anyone else who has to deal with people with no education who think they know all.

Yes, even doctors are allowed to be frustrated with their clients. I’m
A teacher and I’m constantly annoyed with parents. It’s frustrating ing when people think they know best, as if my education and experience means nothing.

Can’t imagine how frustrated I’d be if I was a doctor and spent twice as long in school only to have some 22-year-old tell me I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a health practitioner but I see it a lot on the Internet at large too. I have a sixth sense for them now. Every time I see some obnoxious comment about breastfeeding or vaccines, it comes from an obviously lower/lower middle class white woman where her FB profile picture is her and her kid/kids, with that Snapchat glasses filter, bio is “mommy to Landyn (7-7-16) and Karter (10-3-18), EBF, CD, Intactivist, co-sleeping mama!”

[Anonymous]

I think you’re ignoring all the rich, educated, older parents who are also into this stuff (anti-vaxx, etc). A lot of the anti-vaxx reports are out of affluent communities in California. I am educated, UMC, and was 29 when I had my first child, and I’m embarrassed now at how much of the natural childbirth koolaid I drank during my first pregnancy. There is a thread on this site right now from an older (and seemingly educated) woman questioning her dr’s care plan due to her AMA.

For whatever reason, people today do not trust doctors. It is hard to accept an antibiotic prescription when there is so much news out there about antibiotic overuse and antibiotic resistance. I felt during pregnancy like it was my duty to question my doctor through the whole process. Just look at all the news reports about how c-sections are done too often, etc. What is the average person supposed to do with that information?

[Anonymous]

OP, while I agree with you that there are a lot of ignorant people ignoring doctors' advice, it's hardly just white, young, single moms.

The measles outbreak in Brooklyn is primarily centered in the Hasidic Jewish community. While many of those women begin having children early, the vast majority of them are married. Whether they are white is a whole other issue we don't have to discuss here.

[Anonymous]

while I don't diasgree with your point I think medical information is constantly changing and evolving. For example we are a non cows milk family. DD gets calcium from other sources and we don't think cows milk is for human babies. There are a lot of doctors though who push for babies to start on cows milk at the age of 1 because the diary industry has been pushing for it for years.
So like i said, I agree with your point in general but I think its good for parents to try and stay informed.

[Anonymous]

https://www.verywellfamily.com/religious-exemptions-to-vaccines-2633702

A list of religious exemptions to vaccinations

[Anonymous]

I was a young mom - had my son at 24 - and it was TERRIBLE. Every single person thought they knew more than I did about my child (he's fully vaccinated, is now 10, and isn't a spoiled brat), his doctors talked down to me, my own doctors didn't believe when I had health problems related to delivery ("You're too young to be having that problem, only older mothers have that issue"; "Sorry you're still in pain after 5 months, I'm sure you'll feel better soon, call back in 2 weeks if you think you need to be seen by a doctor"; "PPD is pretty common, but your baby is completely perfect, why aren't you happy?"), and I was blamed for pretty much everything that ever went wrong. I had ZERO support, please let these mothers be. TELL THEM that they're doing a great job, LISTEN TO THEM when they tell you things. Don't be dismissive.

[Anonymous]

Im not an antivaxer... Just to be clear and I've never not finished antibiotics.

I think the best doctors act as a partner not an authority.

My experience with doctors is that they are.making a "best guess" which works 90% of the time.

Pediatricians are usually less pompous than an orthopedic ... In my experience.

Also doctors often are thinking "what will insurance cover"... What is the fastest fix.

If you approach everything as the authority you will fail. If you treat people as intelligent people able to make decision you have will have less frustration and better results.

Also, you use western medicine and overlook other ways to treat your patients... Like diet change or meditation or acupuncture.

If the person was able to tell they doctor they are not using antibiotics instead of pretending because the doctor would be a pompous jerk the doctor would actually had the right information.

[Anonymous]

I had my first at 25 while in grad school in a biomedical field - I don’t really appreciate your generalizations. In turn, you are opening yourself up to generalizations that doctors are condescending and intolerant.

Look, I fight anti-science prejudices all the time. You have to take people where they’re at, without judgement. They’re not stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:while I don't diasgree with your point I think medical information is constantly changing and evolving. For example we are a non cows milk family. DD gets calcium from other sources and we don't think cows milk is for human babies. There are a lot of doctors though who push for babies to start on cows milk at the age of 1 because the diary industry has been pushing for it for years.
So like i said, I agree with your point in general but I think its good for parents to try and stay informed.

Deciding to not give your kid cow's milk is very different than refusing antibiotics or vaccines (particularly the latter since it impacts others).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re ignoring all the rich, educated, older parents who are also into this stuff (anti-vaxx, etc). A lot of the anti-vaxx reports are out of affluent communities in California. I am educated, UMC, and was 29 when I had my first child, and I’m embarrassed now at how much of the natural childbirth koolaid I drank during my first pregnancy. There is a thread on this site right now from an older (and seemingly educated) woman questioning her dr’s care plan due to her AMA.

For whatever reason, people today do not trust doctors. It is hard to accept an antibiotic prescription when there is so much news out there about antibiotic overuse and antibiotic resistance. I felt during pregnancy like it was my duty to question my doctor through the whole process. Just look at all the news reports about how c-sections are done too often, etc. What is the average person supposed to do with that information?

I'm from an affluent part of LA, and the number of 35 plus moms who are into this stuff is staggering.

[Anonymous]

I see it in wealthy educated women and think it is the pressure of motherhood. You have to Do It Right, whether to justify leaving the workforce or justify staying in. Things that make mom's job harder, especially, are important - like no epidural, making own baby food, no formula ever, etc.

And, also, people don't trust doctors. I'm sure OP is a good doctor but everyone has a story about a doctor who was wrong, rude, dismissive, pushing outdated advice, pushing expensive drugs, etc. We are encouraged to get second and third opinions on everything. So yes, in that environment you will get DIY internet research.