If my Daughter Marries Someone with Student Loans do I have to Pay for the Wedding?

[Anonymous]

I saved up and paid 100% for my daughter to go to College she is graduating soon debt free. What if she marries someone with a ton of student loans. She now gets stuck for half the bill. Should this factor in? What if I pay for wedding, they take wedding gifts pays off his student loans.

Seems a bit unequal. Was not planning on paying for whole wedding but usually father of groom chips in the most. So seems unfair if my daughter with no debt inherits debt then I am supposed to bail out my new son-in-law and his parents for debt prior to marriage.

On other hand if daughter marries a guy with no student loans a great job with in-laws give who give down payment for new home jointly in my daughter and new son-in-laws name and a 20K engagement ring I would be a schmuck not to pay for whole wedding. Which I would. After all he and parents have a lot of skin in the game.

Makes me nervous when only the bride and and Father of Bride has skin in the game. Groom did not pay for wedding, does not have a pot to pee in and a bunch of debts why am I getting involved?

What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My first thought is that I feel sorry for your daughter.

Either pay for the wedding, or don't. Either give them gifts, or don't.

Conditioning your actions on the financial position of your daughter's as-yet-unidentified fiancee is gross. Parents don't have "skin in the game" of their kids' marriages.

[Anonymous]

What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Why should you subscribe to antiquated notions of the father of the bride paying for a wedding?????

The people getting married should pay for a good portion of the costs, in this day and age, and particularly if they marry later in life, as seems to be the trend.

In my case, my fiance, my parents and my ILs all chipped in. I was 23 and didn't have much to contribute, but had I been older, obviously I would have.

[Anonymous]

Assuming you're not a troll (which I think you might be), you sound like a real jerk.

Just because someone has student debt doesn't mean they're some sort of loser without financial stability or a job.

[Anonymous]

Well my parents paid for my wedding. I married a doctor who had major student loan debt. The payment for the wedding was a gift. Did not matter who I married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why should you subscribe to antiquated notions of the father of the bride paying for a wedding?????

The people getting married should pay for a good portion of the costs, in this day and age, and particularly if they marry later in life, as seems to be the trend.

In my case, my fiance, my parents and my ILs all chipped in. I was 23 and didn't have much to contribute, but had I been older, obviously I would have.

She’s not. She thinks the father of the groom pays.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll post?

You are worried about some hypothetical engagement to a guy/lady that she hasn't met yet?

If you don't want to pay for a wedding, then don't. Your daughter is an adult. You can suggest they meet with a lawyer and draft a prenup.

Generally debts and assets each person has going into the marriage stay with that person and don't become joint. But she should really consult a lawyer on the specifics.

But a marriage based on a financial tabulation of what each brought into it sounds like a miserable relationship.

[Anonymous]

You must live a pretty miserable existence, OP. You have no idea what truly matters in life. I get that you want to be prudent and save money, but you are coming off as selfish and egotistical.

[Anonymous]

My thought is she should marry for love and a guy who will make a living. You sound like a nut job as as in-law and you are going to destroy your relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

A gift with strings is not a gift.

[Anonymous]

You are waaay over thinking this. Is your daughter even close to being engaged? Talk about trying to control the future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saved up and paid 100% for my daughter to go to College she is graduating soon debt free. What if she marries someone with a ton of student loans. She now gets stuck for half the bill. Should this factor in? What if I pay for wedding, they take wedding gifts pays off his student loans.

Seems a bit unequal. Was not planning on paying for whole wedding but usually father of groom chips in the most. So seems unfair if my daughter with no debt inherits debt then I am supposed to bail out my new son-in-law and his parents for debt prior to marriage.

On other hand if daughter marries a guy with no student loans a great job with in-laws give who give down payment for new home jointly in my daughter and new son-in-laws name and a 20K engagement ring I would be a schmuck not to pay for whole wedding. Which I would. After all he and parents have a lot of skin in the game.

Makes me nervous when only the bride and and Father of Bride has skin in the game. Groom did not pay for wedding, does not have a pot to pee in and a bunch of debts why am I getting involved?

What are your thoughts?

Uhh. False. "Usually" father of the bride pays for the whole thing, if you're going by tradition. You're a nut, though. Regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why should you subscribe to antiquated notions of the father of the bride paying for a wedding?????

The people getting married should pay for a good portion of the costs, in this day and age, and particularly if they marry later in life, as seems to be the trend.

In my case, my fiance, my parents and my ILs all chipped in. I was 23 and didn't have much to contribute, but had I been older, obviously I would have.

She’s not. She thinks the father of the groom pays.

Re-read. He's the father and is worried about paying for the wedding if his daughter married someone in debt.

[Anonymous]

No one is paying off their student loan debt with weddings. Even weddings in which only cash is requested, they're not making out that great. And that cash is always used for the honeymoon, definitely not balls.