If my Daughter Marries Someone with Student Loans do I have to Pay for the Wedding?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to pay for a wedding regardless. It's 2019.

[Anonymous]

It is his student loan debt, and does not become hers once they are married unless she signs on to that debt in some capacity. She would be an idiot to agree to turn that into a marital debt, like paying it off with a home equity loan.

My wife, whose parents paid for our $50K wedding, paid off my credit card debt when we got married - I didn't ask, she just hates credit card debt. We've been virtually debt free ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why should you subscribe to antiquated notions of the father of the bride paying for a wedding?????

The people getting married should pay for a good portion of the costs, in this day and age, and particularly if they marry later in life, as seems to be the trend.

In my case, my fiance, my parents and my ILs all chipped in. I was 23 and didn't have much to contribute, but had I been older, obviously I would have.

She’s not. She thinks the father of the groom pays.

OP I ment Father of the bride pays

[Anonymous]

What's at the heart of this? Are you trying to control who your daughter marries? Give her the money or don't, communicate your values around money to her, but make that two separate things. I was the bride (with loans!) and both my parents and my in-laws kicked in for our wedding, and I've kept my debt separate from our co-mingled finances and pay it separately too. My credit score was actually higher than my debt-free husbands when we went to buy a house, since I had a track record of making timely payments. So there's that...

[Anonymous]

Op U R an a$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saved up and paid 100% for my daughter to go to College she is graduating soon debt free. What if she marries someone with a ton of student loans. She now gets stuck for half the bill. Should this factor in? What if I pay for wedding, they take wedding gifts pays off his student loans.

Seems a bit unequal. Was not planning on paying for whole wedding but usually father of groom chips in the most. So seems unfair if my daughter with no debt inherits debt then I am supposed to bail out my new son-in-law and his parents for debt prior to marriage.

On other hand if daughter marries a guy with no student loans a great job with in-laws give who give down payment for new home jointly in my daughter and new son-in-laws name and a 20K engagement ring I would be a schmuck not to pay for whole wedding. Which I would. After all he and parents have a lot of skin in the game.

Makes me nervous when only the bride and and Father of Bride has skin in the game. Groom did not pay for wedding, does not have a pot to pee in and a bunch of debts why am I getting involved?

What are your thoughts?

I don't understand how you paying for a wedding is related to your daughter's fiance's student loan debt. Figure out how much you are comfortable spending on a wedding and tell your daughter that that is what you are comfortable contributing. After that, it is her and her fiance's business to approach his parents about their contribution and determine the scope of their wedding. Presumably you have raised a young woman who is able to think critically about her choices and will therefore be able to prioritize what is important to her and what matters less.

There are a lot of people who have both student loan debt and a steady job to pay them. If you were writing a check for $20k for a wedding and the $20k was instead used to pay the groom's student loan debt and the wedding itself didn't happen, I can see why you would be irritated, but since it doesn't even seem like your daughter is engaged, I suspect this is all ridiculous penny-pinching wishful thinking on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is paying off their student loan debt with weddings. Even weddings in which only cash is requested, they're not making out that great. And that cash is always used for the honeymoon, definitely not balls.

OP - I am one of four kids and last one to be married. My oldest sister for thank yous put in the amount next to guest name when she was about to cash checks, for thank you notes. My brother got married next and used list as starting point, but put it in excel, next my sister got married and updated it. Then I had list.

By time I got married going rate was 5K, father of groom, 1k, close uncles and siblings, $500 well off couples and close couples. Singles $125 to $200.

Last big wedding I went to was around 400 people in attendance and father of Bride paid whole thing. You do math. And tax free money.

I went to an Orthodox Jewish wedding once. 500 people and all gifts were 2-5k. Big bucks. Father of Bride paid for wedding and bought groom a new car as a gift. Father of Groom bought a water front mansion as a gift. That was a great wedding.

Want to buy my daughter a mansion, heck new car and I pay for the wedding!!

[Anonymous]

Hope your dd doesn't meet my son the DOCTOR!!

[Anonymous]

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about it, with a parent like you your daughter will certainly elope and let you know after the fact. Maybe she’ll let you meet your grandkids after they graduate from
High school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hope your dd doesn't meet my son the DOCTOR!!

OP - Why I would pay whole thing. I used to date a really rich girl once. I had the discussion with father over money at one year point. He liked me. Anyhow he told me the deal. GrandHis other son-in-law he made him sign a pre-nup with him. No wife with father in law. Deal was as follows. When he dies grandchildren inherit wealth directly in trust not touchable till 30th birthday if wife dies first, if no children they inherit money but if wife dies first remaining funds go back to other siblings grandchildren. At no point can the son-in-law run off with money by divorcing wife or just out-living wife. He then adds I like you so much I will pay for wedding and you don't have to sign anything like the other son-in-law.

I told him sounds great I appreciate it and btw I would not sign anything you can keep your money. He said I know that. But the other guy is not like that. Did not marry her

My other girlfriend was an only child, her Dad owned a really profitable business. He told me the deal is he owns the business, a rental property near business and a really nice house and two expensive cars. You marry daughter you live in the rental house will give it to you. I retire, you run business, I get half profits till my wife and I die then you get everything, will put it in writing. Had no interest in his business. Did not marry.

Third girlfriend Dad offered to pay for wedding. But he was a tightwad so bid deal.

Fourth girlfriend dad was a Billionaire. Guy played me after three dates. Said he wanted to know me better and loves golf, so I should join his club and meet him for golf. OK, I am game, give them a call, was 100K to join cash. The fourth date was going to cost me one hundred grand so never happened

My favorite I was briefly dating this super super pretty girl who ended up living back at home at 31. The parents were not happy. I picked her up for a date at home for a wedding she was all dressed up. He was bitching why is she back at home go get married or get your own place. I pull up during fight. He opens door. He starts off so what is wrong with you? I go what do you mean? He said you Mercedes, do you own that thing. I go yea I owned I paid cash a few years ago. He goes great. Then he goes better you are a renter, I say I actually own my own condo. Now he goes where do you work. I go I have an MBA and work on Wall street. Her dad yells Jesus Christ we got a live one. Put your suit case in his car now the man has a house and a car. Trouble is that smoking hot girl was a school teacher with student loans who loved to spend. I wanted to keep my house and car.

A son in law is an investment. I say 90 percent of Dads sized me up. My father-in-law was my favorite, I don't tell folks how to do their wedding, but I write my check at the wedding depending on how much I like it so I better like it. His theory you plan a shit show wedding that makes me look bad why am I paying,

And not just Dads, had a girl run a credit check on me as she was engaged to a deadbeat, thank god she got out of it. Amazing my Mercedes and MBA was a turn when I was 30 to 28 year old girls when they found out I had no student loans and owned the car outright. My wife I did marry was renting when I married her and she moved into my condo after marriage. Sadly I married for love. Turns out she had a loan on her new Camry and I paid if off. Later my Mercedes got totaled and she used part of the funds to buy a SUV. So yea I want a guy who is paying his way. Every Dad of girls I dated with half a brain was watching out.

[Anonymous]

You sound extremely shallow, OP.

[Anonymous]

If he has student loans then you only have to give 10 cows instead of the usual 20 cows bride price -- but only if she's a virgin. Gee, guys, don't you know anything?

[Anonymous]

This can't be real.

Although, I think I recognize this tortured writing style - OP, did you recently try to sell a crappy old house with a pool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope your dd doesn't meet my son the DOCTOR!!

OP - Why I would pay whole thing. I used to date a really rich girl once. I had the discussion with father over money at one year point. He liked me. Anyhow he told me the deal. GrandHis other son-in-law he made him sign a pre-nup with him. No wife with father in law. Deal was as follows. When he dies grandchildren inherit wealth directly in trust not touchable till 30th birthday if wife dies first, if no children they inherit money but if wife dies first remaining funds go back to other siblings grandchildren. At no point can the son-in-law run off with money by divorcing wife or just out-living wife. He then adds I like you so much I will pay for wedding and you don't have to sign anything like the other son-in-law.

I told him sounds great I appreciate it and btw I would not sign anything you can keep your money. He said I know that. But the other guy is not like that. Did not marry her

My other girlfriend was an only child, her Dad owned a really profitable business. He told me the deal is he owns the business, a rental property near business and a really nice house and two expensive cars. You marry daughter you live in the rental house will give it to you. I retire, you run business, I get half profits till my wife and I die then you get everything, will put it in writing. Had no interest in his business. Did not marry.

Third girlfriend Dad offered to pay for wedding. But he was a tightwad so bid deal.

Fourth girlfriend dad was a Billionaire. Guy played me after three dates. Said he wanted to know me better and loves golf, so I should join his club and meet him for golf. OK, I am game, give them a call, was 100K to join cash. The fourth date was going to cost me one hundred grand so never happened

My favorite I was briefly dating this super super pretty girl who ended up living back at home at 31. The parents were not happy. I picked her up for a date at home for a wedding she was all dressed up. He was bitching why is she back at home go get married or get your own place. I pull up during fight. He opens door. He starts off so what is wrong with you? I go what do you mean? He said you Mercedes, do you own that thing. I go yea I owned I paid cash a few years ago. He goes great. Then he goes better you are a renter, I say I actually own my own condo. Now he goes where do you work. I go I have an MBA and work on Wall street. Her dad yells Jesus Christ we got a live one. Put your suit case in his car now the man has a house and a car. Trouble is that smoking hot girl was a school teacher with student loans who loved to spend. I wanted to keep my house and car.

A son in law is an investment. I say 90 percent of Dads sized me up. My father-in-law was my favorite, I don't tell folks how to do their wedding, but I write my check at the wedding depending on how much I like it so I better like it. His theory you plan a shit show wedding that makes me look bad why am I paying,

And not just Dads, had a girl run a credit check on me as she was engaged to a deadbeat, thank god she got out of it. Amazing my Mercedes and MBA was a turn when I was 30 to 28 year old girls when they found out I had no student loans and owned the car outright. My wife I did marry was renting when I married her and she moved into my condo after marriage. Sadly I married for love. Turns out she had a loan on her new Camry and I paid if off. Later my Mercedes got totaled and she used part of the funds to buy a SUV. So yea I want a guy who is paying his way. Every Dad of girls I dated with half a brain was watching out.

those girls dodged a bullet