If my Daughter Marries Someone with Student Loans do I have to Pay for the Wedding?

[Anonymous]

I think this thread has been infiltrated by 1960. Seriously, “father” of the bride pays for the wedding?

[Anonymous]

"usually father of groom chips in the most"

I couldn't figure out that part at all.

Otherwise. . . . She may well have a fiancé in mind, shouldn't assume this is hypothetical.

OP does sound like a curmudgeon. OP, if you grumble loud enough long enough, they might take the hint and elope. Doesn't sound like you're so much worried about your baby girl living in a walk-up cold water flat while they pay off hubby's student loans (she's not liable for them, but it's a budget bite) as the wedding itself, and you've got yourself stuck on this student loan vs. pay outright deal. Decide what you can contribute to the wedding and tell your daughter how much that is. That's all you need to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can't be real.

Although, I think I recognize this tortured writing style - OP, did you recently try to sell a crappy old house with a pool?

+1

[Anonymous]

God help your future SIL if he has any debt regardless of his other qualities. My SIL and DIL both graduated from medical school with about $200,000 in debt each and that didn’t factor into what we would spend for either of our kids weddings. Our kids graduated debt free. We could easily pay off all the debt but we won’t because taking on debt and paying it off on your own is part of life. We are generous with annual gifts but how it is used is up to them to decide.

[Anonymous]

OP has a point I think. Especially if said groom racked up all those student loans for a degree in basketweaving.

[Anonymous]

My husband had student loans from state school because his family wasn't wealthy, we paid them off together, it wasn't a sign of poor character or anything, this is so weird.

OP you sound like you use money as a tool to control relationships. I probably wouldn't want you to pay for my wedding, knowing that.

[Anonymous]

Raised by trash and they marry trash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope your dd doesn't meet my son the DOCTOR!!

OP - Why I would pay whole thing. I used to date a really rich girl once. I had the discussion with father over money at one year point. He liked me. Anyhow he told me the deal. GrandHis other son-in-law he made him sign a pre-nup with him. No wife with father in law. Deal was as follows. When he dies grandchildren inherit wealth directly in trust not touchable till 30th birthday if wife dies first, if no children they inherit money but if wife dies first remaining funds go back to other siblings grandchildren. At no point can the son-in-law run off with money by divorcing wife or just out-living wife. He then adds I like you so much I will pay for wedding and you don't have to sign anything like the other son-in-law.

I told him sounds great I appreciate it and btw I would not sign anything you can keep your money. He said I know that. But the other guy is not like that. Did not marry her

My other girlfriend was an only child, her Dad owned a really profitable business. He told me the deal is he owns the business, a rental property near business and a really nice house and two expensive cars. You marry daughter you live in the rental house will give it to you. I retire, you run business, I get half profits till my wife and I die then you get everything, will put it in writing. Had no interest in his business. Did not marry.

Third girlfriend Dad offered to pay for wedding. But he was a tightwad so bid deal.

Fourth girlfriend dad was a Billionaire. Guy played me after three dates. Said he wanted to know me better and loves golf, so I should join his club and meet him for golf. OK, I am game, give them a call, was 100K to join cash. The fourth date was going to cost me one hundred grand so never happened

My favorite I was briefly dating this super super pretty girl who ended up living back at home at 31. The parents were not happy. I picked her up for a date at home for a wedding she was all dressed up. He was bitching why is she back at home go get married or get your own place. I pull up during fight. He opens door. He starts off so what is wrong with you? I go what do you mean? He said you Mercedes, do you own that thing. I go yea I owned I paid cash a few years ago. He goes great. Then he goes better you are a renter, I say I actually own my own condo. Now he goes where do you work. I go I have an MBA and work on Wall street. Her dad yells Jesus Christ we got a live one. Put your suit case in his car now the man has a house and a car. Trouble is that smoking hot girl was a school teacher with student loans who loved to spend. I wanted to keep my house and car.

A son in law is an investment. I say 90 percent of Dads sized me up. My father-in-law was my favorite, I don't tell folks how to do their wedding, but I write my check at the wedding depending on how much I like it so I better like it. His theory you plan a shit show wedding that makes me look bad why am I paying,

And not just Dads, had a girl run a credit check on me as she was engaged to a deadbeat, thank god she got out of it. Amazing my Mercedes and MBA was a turn when I was 30 to 28 year old girls when they found out I had no student loans and owned the car outright. My wife I did marry was renting when I married her and she moved into my condo after marriage. Sadly I married for love. Turns out she had a loan on her new Camry and I paid if off. Later my Mercedes got totaled and she used part of the funds to buy a SUV. So yea I want a guy who is paying his way. Every Dad of girls I dated with half a brain was watching out.

Who are you picking to date? My goodness..

[Anonymous]

Op is on some serious drugs with this one!

[Anonymous]

I would encourage my kids to have a small, affordable wedding and take a budget honeymoon.

I would also offer to have them live with dh and me in our home for a year rent free while they both worked and aggressively saved money and paid down debt.

[Anonymous]

When is Tiffany getting married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would encourage my kids to have a small, affordable wedding and take a budget honeymoon.

I would also offer to have them live with dh and me in our home for a year rent free while they both worked and aggressively saved money and paid down debt.

After the wedding? Now that is overstepping, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would encourage my kids to have a small, affordable wedding and take a budget honeymoon.

I would also offer to have them live with dh and me in our home for a year rent free while they both worked and aggressively saved money and paid down debt.

After the wedding? Now that is overstepping, pp.

You miss the word "offer". I would offer to let them live with us rent free for a year while they got their finances under control. What I would not do is fork over money to them while they lived above their means. I'm not an enabler. I empower my kids.

[Anonymous]

So... don't pay for the wedding?? My father paid over 100k for my education but made it clear there wasn't any money put aside for a wedding. We made do with a small family only affair, spending about 10k total.

[Anonymous]

So... don't pay for the wedding?? My father paid over 100k for my education but made it clear there wasn't any money put aside for a wedding. We made do with a small family only affair, spending about 10k total.

Exactly. OP, you are totally fixated on money.