If my Daughter Marries Someone with Student Loans do I have to Pay for the Wedding?

[Anonymous]

You sound like one of those people who is always concerned someone is going to screw them in some way. You could also be the reason you become estranged from your daughters life if you keep this mentality up. You are supposed to support them as a couple, no strings attached.

Also, I hope you realize the insanity of being 100% okay with paying for all of your daughters college and then freaking out about this. If it was going to bother you so much, you should have let her take out loans! Heck, let her pay for her own wedding!

[Anonymous]

OP - my Mom married my Dad who was very good looking but in end he left her a widow after 20 years of marriage with 4 kids and a stack of bills and no insurance or savings.

My two sisters married guys where they ended up breadwinners. But unlike dual equal income they carried load and with raising kids careers did not get far.

I don't want my daughters to end up with deadbeats. Nearly every girl I dated Dad sized me up. I am not money hungry for others peoples money. But I hate to lose my money. I also don't want to end up like my old rich girlfriend uncle the Firefighter who lived in a million dollar home back on 1993 and drove a Mercedes but ran to get us drinks and serve us while wife was in living room as he was treated like the help and folks would talk behind his back.

My one other daughter is dating a guy with a trust fund and parents are in one of those River Road mansions. Doubt that will last as they are young but that is a wedding I would pay for. Lucky his trust fund pays for college for him and his kids.

My aunt has a dead beat son in law what an anchor she paid off his student loans and has accounts set up for her grandchildren and he is expecting to use her inheritance to retire. He is a clerk in a cube and lives in a million dollar home. We all know it's his mother in laws money.

My aunt has it double bad she also has a deadbeat son she is also having to pay those grand kids tuition. And she put her own kids through school. The burden of her kids marrying bad has a 78 year old women bailing out her gen x kids instead of enjoying retirement.

Folks you convinced me I am not paying unless it feels right.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care what people on this thread said about you. I get totally get it. As a daughter and a now wife, I would be glad to have a dad look out for me like the way you are.

With that being said, I do not think you have to pay for the wedding if you do not want to. Sometime guys with lots of students loan debts , such as doctor, overestimate their earning power and underestimated their amount of debts ( such as my husband for example) . They can feel so entitled that they take advantage of your daughter.

I saying this as a physician with no student loan, helped pay of my husband student loan. My parents took care of all my education. I don’t think we should have the audacity to ask them to pay for the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saved up and paid 100% for my daughter to go to College she is graduating soon debt free. What if she marries someone with a ton of student loans. She now gets stuck for half the bill. Should this factor in? What if I pay for wedding, they take wedding gifts pays off his student loans.

Seems a bit unequal. Was not planning on paying for whole wedding but usually father of groom chips in the most. So seems unfair if my daughter with no debt inherits debt then I am supposed to bail out my new son-in-law and his parents for debt prior to marriage.

On other hand if daughter marries a guy with no student loans a great job with in-laws give who give down payment for new home jointly in my daughter and new son-in-laws name and a 20K engagement ring I would be a schmuck not to pay for whole wedding. Which I would. After all he and parents have a lot of skin in the game.

Makes me nervous when only the bride and and Father of Bride has skin in the game. Groom did not pay for wedding, does not have a pot to pee in and a bunch of debts why am I getting involved?

What are your thoughts?

Incorrect. The parents of the bride usually chip in the most.

[Anonymous]

No, you don't have to pay for anyone's wedding.

[Anonymous]

I am really confused as to why OP thinks student loans mean someone is a deadbeat, unless there are some other red flags not mentioned in his post. My parents are hardworking immigrants who came to this country in their 40s with nothing. 30 years later, they have a comfortable life and are enjoying retirement with a paid-off house and a few million in the bank. But at the time I was heading to college, they were still trying to get on their feet and barely getting by. I had student loans that I eventually paid off once I was a working professional. I was never a deadbeat and have worked since I was 15...

Even if you don't pay for the wedding, OP, your daughter could still take the wedding gifts and pay his student loans. In fact she probably will be paying off his loans no matter what you do or don't do, since their money most likely will be combined...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - my Mom married my Dad who was very good looking but in end he left her a widow after 20 years of marriage with 4 kids and a stack of bills and no insurance or savings.

My two sisters married guys where they ended up breadwinners. But unlike dual equal income they carried load and with raising kids careers did not get far.

I don't want my daughters to end up with deadbeats. Nearly every girl I dated Dad sized me up. I am not money hungry for others peoples money. But I hate to lose my money. I also don't want to end up like my old rich girlfriend uncle the Firefighter who lived in a million dollar home back on 1993 and drove a Mercedes but ran to get us drinks and serve us while wife was in living room as he was treated like the help and folks would talk behind his back.

My one other daughter is dating a guy with a trust fund and parents are in one of those River Road mansions. Doubt that will last as they are young but that is a wedding I would pay for. Lucky his trust fund pays for college for him and his kids.

My aunt has a dead beat son in law what an anchor she paid off his student loans and has accounts set up for her grandchildren and he is expecting to use her inheritance to retire. He is a clerk in a cube and lives in a million dollar home. We all know it's his mother in laws money.

My aunt has it double bad she also has a deadbeat son she is also having to pay those grand kids tuition. And she put her own kids through school. The burden of her kids marrying bad has a 78 year old women bailing out her gen x kids instead of enjoying retirement.

Folks you convinced me I am not paying unless it feels right.

Pretty sure you are living in your mother's basement so hardly in a position to talk smack about other people. And be careful of people living in those Niroo mansions. Aside from having absolutely no taste (seriously, the gold encrusted stuff is just hideous) chances are this guy will dump your other daughter for a younger woman after a few years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

They could live in my house rent free for a year. He could put the majority of his paycheck towards paying off his loans and she could put the majority of her pay into savings to use as a nest egg/down payment on a house.

By the time they left my house they should be in pretty good shape financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really confused as to why OP thinks student loans mean someone is a deadbeat, unless there are some other red flags not mentioned in his post. My parents are hardworking immigrants who came to this country in their 40s with nothing. 30 years later, they have a comfortable life and are enjoying retirement with a paid-off house and a few million in the bank. But at the time I was heading to college, they were still trying to get on their feet and barely getting by. I had student loans that I eventually paid off once I was a working professional. I was never a deadbeat and have worked since I was 15...

Even if you don't pay for the wedding, OP, your daughter could still take the wedding gifts and pay his student loans. In fact she probably will be paying off his loans no matter what you do or don't do, since their money most likely will be combined...

If when getting married have a ton on loans and expect your wife to pay that's a dead beat. Move back home after school and pay it off

[Anonymous]

Ok weird timing don't know if I agree with the OP but I have two sons and am trying to guide them into a decision to make sure they graduate debt free.. So this could also increase their marriage material status

[Anonymous]

Wait, why does she owe half the loan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saved up and paid 100% for my daughter to go to College she is graduating soon debt free. What if she marries someone with a ton of student loans. She now gets stuck for half the bill. Should this factor in? What if I pay for wedding, they take wedding gifts pays off his student loans.

Seems a bit unequal. Was not planning on paying for whole wedding but usually father of groom chips in the most. So seems unfair if my daughter with no debt inherits debt then I am supposed to bail out my new son-in-law and his parents for debt prior to marriage.

On other hand if daughter marries a guy with no student loans a great job with in-laws give who give down payment for new home jointly in my daughter and new son-in-laws name and a 20K engagement ring I would be a schmuck not to pay for whole wedding. Which I would. After all he and parents have a lot of skin in the game.

Makes me nervous when only the bride and and Father of Bride has skin in the game. Groom did not pay for wedding, does not have a pot to pee in and a bunch of debts why am I getting involved?

What are your thoughts?

Honestly...most men probably won't care if you do but your daughter definitely will. Most guys I know aren't into all the things women want. The guy would probably just make due with what he has.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I married a man with student loans, my parents paid for our wedding, and I used ALL MY SAVINGS (mostly inherited from grandparents) to pay off his loans the month we were married.

Ten years later, he's making in the high 6 figures, so honestly I've seen a great return on my investment!

[Anonymous]

I don't know but I kiiiiiiiind of feel like OP doesn't really like her daughter's fiancé...anyone else getting this vibe?

[Anonymous]

I've heard having student loans is like having herpes! /eyeroll