Emergency key/visit key: what are your expectations?

[Anonymous]

If you give family members a key to your home for an emergency, or for use during their visit, what are your expectations for how it will be used?

Have you ever had to clarify your epectations to family or guests? Have you ever had to take a key back, or change your own expectations of use?

[Anonymous]

Those are 2 separate things. My Il's have our garage code as do a couple of our neighbors. I assume they would only enter our house if we call them or ask them to. We have 2 dogs so have on occasion asked them to go and let them out for us.

If someone is staying with us we also give them our garage code or a front door key. I would expect that they use it as if they live there and come and go as they need to. if we have given an actual key I expect to get it back when they leave.

[Anonymous]

My local parents have a key to our house. My assumption is they will only use it on the rare occasions that need access to our house when we are not there and we are aware they are going to be there. If they just stopped by and let themselves in it would be a problem.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

[Anonymous]

We had to change our garage code after my ILs let themselves in with it A FULL DAY BEFORE their planned visit. They were supposed to arrive Friday and stay through Monday; instead they just decided to show up on Thursday while DH and I were at work.

They still pout that we changed the code and won't give them the new one. We hand them the key when they arrive and take it back when they depart, from now on.

[Anonymous]

Both sets of our parents live far away. My ILs refuse to take a cab or Uber from the airport, so H always picks them up and brings them to us. We give them a key when they arrive and take it back when they leave. There’s no reason for them to have one to keep since they live 3000 miles away. And they would never remember to bring it on their next visit, we’d have to constantly be churning new spare keys.

My parents live a 5 hour drive away, so they will often drive during off hours and arrive when we are at work. They have a key because we cannot be home to let them in. They have never lost it or abused it in the 12 years we’ve owned a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

[Anonymous]

When spouse and I bought our first home we realized we knew one neighbor, an older couple, from work. That neighbor was given keys to many other neighbor's houses for security reasons or whatever. They hounded us incessantly to give them a copy of our key after we moved in. They invited us to tour another neighbor's home while they were gone on vacation right after we moved in. The neighbor who owned the house had no clue these people were going in their house regularly and showing the house to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When spouse and I bought our first home we realized we knew one neighbor, an older couple, from work. That neighbor was given keys to many other neighbor's houses for security reasons or whatever. They hounded us incessantly to give them a copy of our key after we moved in. They invited us to tour another neighbor's home while they were gone on vacation right after we moved in. The neighbor who owned the house had no clue these people were going in their house regularly and showing the house to strangers.

Yes, we've heard this one. Hopefully, you told the people whose house and trust were being violated.

[Anonymous]

I have the key to my sister’s house. I would only use it with her knowledge. I’d take the key back/change the code if someone came in my house without letting me know first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

Relax, it was funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

Relax, it was funny.

Meh, I’m with pp. it was dismissive DCUM snark, like something is wrong if someone actually has a helpful family member. I’d love it if my mother were alive and close enough to help out like that. I don’t understand the expectation that we not only have to “do it all”, but that we also have to do it all alone. If that works for pp and her family, more power to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

Relax, it was funny.

Meh, I’m with pp. it was dismissive DCUM snark, like something is wrong if someone actually has a helpful family member. I’d love it if my mother were alive and close enough to help out like that. I don’t understand the expectation that we not only have to “do it all”, but that we also have to do it all alone. If that works for pp and her family, more power to them.

Thanks for the support! That was my post about the mom with the laundry. I thought it was great then and I still think it is great now. Now the shoe is on the other foot and my parents need a little extra help so I'll frequently pop in unannounced to their condo to drop something off or to help with a little chore. It works for us. I'm just happy they're still with us, happy and living good lives. There isn't much more to ask for!