Emergency key/visit key: what are your expectations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had to change our garage code after my ILs let themselves in with it A FULL DAY BEFORE their planned visit. They were supposed to arrive Friday and stay through Monday; instead they just decided to show up on Thursday while DH and I were at work.

They still pout that we changed the code and won't give them the new one. We hand them the key when they arrive and take it back when they depart, from now on.

Truly YMMV.

I'm the polar opposite of you. We gave our keys/codes to the inlaws and would love for them to 'just drop in' more. Good thing you and your spouse are on the same page, I guess. Just curious- what are you worried they will do/what have they done to you?

Pp has told this story before. IMO they super overreacted.

I actually have not told this story before on DCUM, but thanks for playing. It is entirely possible that something similar has happened to someone else. You're welcome to link to it, and have Jeff confirm that it wasn't me, if you like.

This happened only a few weeks after the death of a loved one, so I wasn't exactly in a place where I was tooling around on DCUM at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had to change our garage code after my ILs let themselves in with it A FULL DAY BEFORE their planned visit. They were supposed to arrive Friday and stay through Monday; instead they just decided to show up on Thursday while DH and I were at work.

They still pout that we changed the code and won't give them the new one. We hand them the key when they arrive and take it back when they depart, from now on.

Truly YMMV.

I'm the polar opposite of you. We gave our keys/codes to the inlaws and would love for them to 'just drop in' more. Good thing you and your spouse are on the same page, I guess. Just curious- what are you worried they will do/what have they done to you?

NP: You say YMMV, but what follows sounds condescending.

The bottom line : If your parents/in-laws/neighbors are well-adjusted, thoughtful people, then no problem.

If you need to give access to people who don’t respect boundaries generally, or don’t respect *your* boundaries specifically, then they need clear rules with keys. Even then, you may come to find them organizing your underwear drawer.

[Anonymous]

NP. I don't get how people don't get that you...can't just go into someone's house without their knowledge, even if you have a key or a code. They need to know when someone will be in their house, who is in their house, etc. Duh!

[Anonymous]

My local inlaws know our garage code to be used for explicit reasons, not at their will. Shortly after giving it to them, they came over for dinner (invited) but came in that way instead of the front door. We explained that we wanted them to come to the front door unless we told them otherwise/an emergency.

They have since honored the request but I would have changed the code if they didn’t.

[Anonymous]

For everyone that gives out garage codes- Why doesn’t the door that opens to your home have a deadbolt on it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Here come the haters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had to change our garage code after my ILs let themselves in with it A FULL DAY BEFORE their planned visit. They were supposed to arrive Friday and stay through Monday; instead they just decided to show up on Thursday while DH and I were at work.

They still pout that we changed the code and won't give them the new one. We hand them the key when they arrive and take it back when they depart, from now on.

Truly YMMV.

I'm the polar opposite of you. We gave our keys/codes to the inlaws and would love for them to 'just drop in' more. Good thing you and your spouse are on the same page, I guess. Just curious- what are you worried they will do/what have they done to you?

Pp has told this story before. IMO they super overreacted.

I think so too. I would have just said, please let us know, that's how people get shot! If I had been at home and heard an unexpected person come thru the door.
To each his own.

[Anonymous]

Both sets of grandparents have a key to our house. They only come over when invited. One set is local, one set is 5 hours away. We haven’t needed to clarify because they don’t abuse it. We need to pick up / drop off kids, take kids to extracurriculars, etc. If we know they are coming over and they arrive before we’re home, they let themselves in to freshen up after their drive. If it’s my mom, she might look at the recipe out in the counter and start making dinner or unload my dishwasher for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

Relax, it was funny.

DP- don't insult someone and then tell them "relax, it was funny!" when they get miffed by said insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws and parents have a key to the house. But they pick up dd from daycare once a week and bring her here before we get home from work.
When they come over for an event or dinner they don't use their key since we are home.
I have keys tonitb their houses and have stopped at both when they were away to check on their house, plants etc (with their knowledge).

This is pretty much us.

Although when the kids were young and my mom was newly retired, she frequently would stop by while I was at work or out running a carpool and she would do a load of laundry and then leave, or drop off some groceries. It worked for us. She never called first. I would just get home and find all the laundry done, folded and ready to put away. It was my little miracle!

So you were in college at the time?

Haven't you ever heard that it takes a village? Why must everybody be so quick to judge? It's a nice favor, one that I'd like to do for my family if I knew they were struggling or had a bad week and small kids. On the flip side, I'd also love somebody to help me out once in a while. It's just a thoughtful gesture.

Relax, it was funny.

Meh, I’m with pp. it was dismissive DCUM snark, like something is wrong if someone actually has a helpful family member. I’d love it if my mother were alive and close enough to help out like that. I don’t understand the expectation that we not only have to “do it all”, but that we also have to do it all alone. If that works for pp and her family, more power to them.

Thanks for the support! That was my post about the mom with the laundry. I thought it was great then and I still think it is great now. Now the shoe is on the other foot and my parents need a little extra help so I'll frequently pop in unannounced to their condo to drop something off or to help with a little chore. It works for us. I'm just happy they're still with us, happy and living good lives. There isn't much more to ask for!

You’re reading a lot into one little joke. -np

Insults =/= jokes

[Anonymous]

My 2 local siblings have keys to my house and don't abuse the privilege. They are sane and responsible people so I really wouldn't care if they dropped in without asking because their reason would make sense, but they always give a heads up. My neighbor also has a key, we ask them to feed the cat sometimes on vacation. They would never come in without being asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone that gives out garage codes- Why doesn’t the door that opens to your home have a deadbolt on it?

I give out garage code (to my parents and in laws) and have a front door with a deadbolt What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone that gives out garage codes- Why doesn’t the door that opens to your home have a deadbolt on it?

I give out garage code (to my parents and in laws) and have a front door with a deadbolt What am I missing?

If a burglar breaks in your garage they have free access right into your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone that gives out garage codes- Why doesn’t the door that opens to your home have a deadbolt on it?

I give out garage code (to my parents and in laws) and have a front door with a deadbolt What am I missing?

If a burglar breaks in your garage they have free access right into your home.

Yes, and also if they break into my door they have free access right into my home. The garage acts as a door. With a code.

[Anonymous]

My sister and bil each have keys to our house. They are welcome to come and go as they please anytime we are not home and I truly mean this. I need a heads up if we are home. They never show up unannounced.

House guests can come and go as they please at anytime during their stay. The key is returned prior to departure.