PSA: Inviting friends/family to celebrate your birthday at an expensive restaurant

[Anonymous]

And expecting everyone to split the tab is TACKY.

I don’t care if it’s 2019, it’s still tacky.

[Anonymous]

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't it depend on the person? We usually take our parents and inlaws out for their birthdays and have to pick up the entire tab. They always pick the place and there are other presents too.

[Anonymous]

Meh. Give the guests the option to pitch in or not, NBD. If you have the party at a relatively inexpensive place, it shouldn't matter who pays. If you throw a party at an expensive place, well then you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it depend on the person? We usually take our parents and inlaws out for their birthdays and have to pick up the entire tab. They always pick the place and there are other presents too.

OP here. Is it their idea? Is there just a family assumption you will pay? If yes to either, then yes, tacky. If you offer/insist without any expectation on their part, it’s fine.

I’m talking about BIL inviting family to a restaurant of his choosing on a day/time of his choosing in honor of “his birthday” and running up the tab with apps and alcohol and expecting everyone to just blindly toss a credit card in at the end.

[Anonymous]

This is constantly discussed. Some ppl are fine with it some thing it's horrid. I don't mind it as it's easy to frame one vs the other. "Celebrating Dan at old arnies Friday if you want to stop for a drink or a bite to eat with us." = pay your own way. "Please join us at XYZ for Laura's 40th, we are in the front reserved room, let us know if you can attend." = a party where ppl are hosting.

[Anonymous]

I've known one adult who behaves like this. Yes, it's tacky when they issue the invitation and pick the expensive place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it depend on the person? We usually take our parents and inlaws out for their birthdays and have to pick up the entire tab. They always pick the place and there are other presents too.

OP here. Is it their idea? Is there just a family assumption you will pay? If yes to either, then yes, tacky. If you offer/insist without any expectation on their part, it’s fine.

I’m talking about BIL inviting family to a restaurant of his choosing on a day/time of his choosing in honor of “his birthday” and running up the tab with apps and alcohol and expecting everyone to just blindly toss a credit card in at the end.

In this situation you can just do the same when your birthday comes and BIL can treat you!

[Anonymous]

We get it, you don’t want to celebrate- don’t attend!!

So sick of people complaining about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is constantly discussed. Some ppl are fine with it some thing it's horrid. I don't mind it as it's easy to frame one vs the other. "Celebrating Dan at old arnies Friday if you want to stop for a drink or a bite to eat with us." = pay your own way. "Please join us at XYZ for Laura's 40th, we are in the front reserved room, let us know if you can attend." = a party where ppl are hosting.

OP here. I disagree. Scenario #1 is still tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get it, you don’t want to celebrate- don’t attend!!

So sick of people complaining about this.

How about host at your damn house?

[Anonymous]

So your friend’s B-day is not worth $50? They are better off without you. It’s seems a little narcissistic of you to think they should pay for the pleasure of your company.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can think this is tacky until you are blue in the face, but the reality is, a lot of people think this is fine and this is how they celebrate adult birthdays. It's one of those things that many people think it super rude, and many other people think is totally fine.

This is a known "thing." As an adult, I never have expectations of being treated; I always attend, ready to open my wallet and split the check evenly. When I'm treated, it's a nice surprise. If it seems like too pricey a place/too large a group for me to cheerfully split the check evenly, I decline the invitation.

Why not host at home?

Can you imagine if I held my daughter’s birthday party at SkyZone and expected all the attendees to split the bill? This is exactly the same thing. Exactly. People have just decided to embrace their own tackiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your friend’s B-day is not worth $50? They are better off without you. It’s seems a little narcissistic of you to think they should pay for the pleasure of your company.

I don't think you understand expensive if you think it's $50.
I've been in this situation and with the alcohol and all that more like $300. Yeah, don't spend my money for me.