Husband concealed credit card debt

[Anonymous]

When we got married, my husband admitted to having debt with significant monthly obligations. I had none.

We came up with a plan and for 12! years worked hard to be debt free. We sat down each month to go over what we owe (I used my credit card at some point), what balances and interests get priority, etc. We had an explicit discussion about not opening new credit cards without making such decision together. From time to time when we talked about finances, I asked him to confirm that the information I have re: his finances is accurate and he confirmed.

He monitored his own credit. He provided me with printed copies of his credit reports. I found out today that he edited them in Adobe.

We were planning to buy a house and applied online today. Several high balances came up. After about an hour of me checking everything and him pretending that he does not know what they are, he admitted that he incurred those balances. He said he just paid for our family needs with those cards when things were tight. I believe that in part. I also know that he is a shopaholic and a bit of a hoarder.

Aside from trust issues that this created, what are some practical steps that I should take to protect myself and our children:

- his credit score affects our ability to buy a house
- his monthly obligations affect our family finances
- our finances affect our ability to pay for kids' college

If I decide to get divorced after analyzing this and other issues, what should I be thinking about now - in terms of practical steps?

He just can't help himself and I do not know if I can be his partner...

[Anonymous]

Lady, this is like the third time you’ve posted about it. Get a therapist and a financial adviser.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/787308.page

[Anonymous]

This is OP and this is my first post in this subforum and on the subject.

Must be a common issue...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and this is my first post in this subforum and on the subject.

Must be a common issue...

I think it is. I have a friend who got married and it wasn’t until after the marriage he found out a $10,000. credit card balance she was hiding. Great way to start a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we got married, my husband admitted to having debt with significant monthly obligations. I had none.

We came up with a plan and for 12! years worked hard to be debt free. We sat down each month to go over what we owe (I used my credit card at some point), what balances and interests get priority, etc. We had an explicit discussion about not opening new credit cards without making such decision together. From time to time when we talked about finances, I asked him to confirm that the information I have re: his finances is accurate and he confirmed.

He monitored his own credit. He provided me with printed copies of his credit reports. I found out today that he edited them in Adobe.

We were planning to buy a house and applied online today. Several high balances came up. After about an hour of me checking everything and him pretending that he does not know what they are, he admitted that he incurred those balances. He said he just paid for our family needs with those cards when things were tight. I believe that in part. I also know that he is a shopaholic and a bit of a hoarder.

Aside from trust issues that this created, what are some practical steps that I should take to protect myself and our children:

- his credit score affects our ability to buy a house
- his monthly obligations affect our family finances
- our finances affect our ability to pay for kids' college

If I decide to get divorced after analyzing this and other issues, what should I be thinking about now - in terms of practical steps?

He just can't help himself and I do not know if I can be his partner...

OP, I'm sorry he is a liar. I would divorce him now, so fast. I gave this advice to someone else going through something similar (on another forum/ thread, maybe the same that the PP referred to), but even if you want to be with him still- divorce him so your finances are not linked. You can always charge him rent, etc.

[Anonymous]

I went through the same thing. Right after I got married I found out my husband not only had a lot of credit card debt but also owed a lot in back taxes. I was so mad that we had spent so much on a wedding. Had I known I wouldn’t have gotten married then and instead help pay off debt. I set up a plan to pay off what he owed. I helped pay off as well. Basically all his money went to house bills and to pay off debt. Barely had any extra money left over for anything. Money was really tight during this time and it was what we fought about constantly. This went on for 2 years are now everything is paid off. He doesn’t have a credit card now and he knows that if I ever find out he gets one or gets into debt again I’m done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through the same thing. Right after I got married I found out my husband not only had a lot of credit card debt but also owed a lot in back taxes. I was so mad that we had spent so much on a wedding. Had I known I wouldn’t have gotten married then and instead help pay off debt. I set up a plan to pay off what he owed. I helped pay off as well. Basically all his money went to house bills and to pay off debt. Barely had any extra money left over for anything. Money was really tight during this time and it was what we fought about constantly. This went on for 2 years are now everything is paid off. He doesn’t have a credit card now and he knows that if I ever find out he gets one or gets into debt again I’m done.

You should have been done as soon as you found out. You married a liar. You must know that he's going to rack up more debt, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through the same thing. Right after I got married I found out my husband not only had a lot of credit card debt but also owed a lot in back taxes. I was so mad that we had spent so much on a wedding. Had I known I wouldn’t have gotten married then and instead help pay off debt. I set up a plan to pay off what he owed. I helped pay off as well. Basically all his money went to house bills and to pay off debt. Barely had any extra money left over for anything. Money was really tight during this time and it was what we fought about constantly. This went on for 2 years are now everything is paid off. He doesn’t have a credit card now and he knows that if I ever find out he gets one or gets into debt again I’m done.

You should have been done as soon as you found out. You married a liar. You must know that he's going to rack up more debt, right?

He hasn’t so far.

[Anonymous]

Please, please , please run credit checks for years to be sure. "Trust, but verify."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we got married, my husband admitted to having debt with significant monthly obligations. I had none.

We came up with a plan and for 12! years worked hard to be debt free. We sat down each month to go over what we owe (I used my credit card at some point), what balances and interests get priority, etc. We had an explicit discussion about not opening new credit cards without making such decision together. From time to time when we talked about finances, I asked him to confirm that the information I have re: his finances is accurate and he confirmed.

He monitored his own credit. He provided me with printed copies of his credit reports. I found out today that he edited them in Adobe.

We were planning to buy a house and applied online today. Several high balances came up. After about an hour of me checking everything and him pretending that he does not know what they are, he admitted that he incurred those balances. He said he just paid for our family needs with those cards when things were tight. I believe that in part. I also know that he is a shopaholic and a bit of a hoarder.

Aside from trust issues that this created, what are some practical steps that I should take to protect myself and our children:

- his credit score affects our ability to buy a house
- his monthly obligations affect our family finances
- our finances affect our ability to pay for kids' college

If I decide to get divorced after analyzing this and other issues, what should I be thinking about now - in terms of practical steps?

He just can't help himself and I do not know if I can be his partner...

He edited them??? Like fraud?? He literally spent time and effort going to trouble to deceive you. Something that really affects you. Wow. I wouldn't believe even one single word that came out of his mouth at this point.

In case this is a serious post, I'd freeze all credit, freeze accounts, withdraw money, kick him out. Probably in that order, but all of it ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through the same thing. Right after I got married I found out my husband not only had a lot of credit card debt but also owed a lot in back taxes. I was so mad that we had spent so much on a wedding. Had I known I wouldn’t have gotten married then and instead help pay off debt. I set up a plan to pay off what he owed. I helped pay off as well. Basically all his money went to house bills and to pay off debt. Barely had any extra money left over for anything. Money was really tight during this time and it was what we fought about constantly. This went on for 2 years are now everything is paid off. He doesn’t have a credit card now and he knows that if I ever find out he gets one or gets into debt again I’m done.

You should have been done as soon as you found out. You married a liar. You must know that he's going to rack up more debt, right?

He hasn’t so far.

Of course not, because he knows you're monitoring.

You are a sucker, OP, a sitting duck. Take action now before you get dragged down by this loser you chose.

[Anonymous]

I have two friends that this happened to, and both ended up divorced. They couldn’t get past the betrayal and the lies. In both cases my friends were scrimping and saving to pay the bills, save up for vacations etc and their husbands were racking up 10s of thousands in debt and lying about it. Your DH basically store money from your kids college funds. I don’t think I could stay married. Sorry, I don’t have advice about next steps, but you could consult a divorce atty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends that this happened to, and both ended up divorced. They couldn’t get past the betrayal and the lies. In both cases my friends were scrimping and saving to pay the bills, save up for vacations etc and their husbands were racking up 10s of thousands in debt and lying about it. Your DH basically store money from your kids college funds. I don’t think I could stay married. Sorry, I don’t have advice about next steps, but you could consult a divorce atty.

Are you serious?? I was pretty sure that OP must have been trolling. I just can't believe that some people's marriages are so thin that they basically have no idea who they actually married. And worse, had kids with. It's literally unbelievable to me.

[Anonymous]

Have you pulled his credit report?

What was it spent on? If it was gambling or a girlfriend, it isn’t a marital debt.

What does he say should happen now re: trust, credit cards, spending, etc.