Husband concealed credit card debt

[Anonymous]

If he lies about this he’ll Lie about other or worse things. You could try marriage counseling but the trust you had probably won’t ever recover. Coming from an XDW who’s XH borrows day $10k without my knowledge, ten more lies later.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand having separate credit card accounts as a married couple where one spouse doesn't have access to another. A while ago, my husband opened a travel credit card to earn us travel points which is fine, but it drove me nuts because he was stacking most of our finances on it (and paying it off), but I couldn't effectively budget. I would think we had x dollars on hand, think we had the means to splurge on something, then suddenly see him pay out a huge amount each time he paid off the card, and realize we weren't as well off as I thought. Cue fighting. I now have access to the same credit card account so we can stay on the same page about where we are financially and we stopped arguing about it.

Plus really, if you are sharing finances, what do you have to hide on separate credit card? That alone would make me wary.

Anyhow, the whole adobe acrobat editing thing is pretty bad - that alone warrants some serious couples therapy. Moving forward, the only way to resolve that is to be on agreement that you have 100% access to all loan/credit card accounts so that nothing is hidden.

[Anonymous]

OP, how much are we talking here? 2k? 5 figures? Worse?
Apologies if I missed it in an earlier post. I think the amount matters in terms of the ways you and your husband can work this out.

[Anonymous]

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you. Yes I will discuss postnup with him tonight and will try to see a lawyer tomorrow.

Divorce... yes I am so hurt AND need to protect myself and the kids, but that decision has to be made with a cool head... esp. when kids are involved. He is a good dad.

To questions on how could I not see red flags, I relied on our regular meetings where we discussed spendings and balances. Because I thought I knew his credit I did not question if he said he bought a guitar at a liquidation sale or got a deal on ebay for a sound amplifier or withdrew cash so he does not use debit card on a trip abroad... I have two young kids and a full time job an thought I have a understanding of our finances...

-OP

I would divorce because this story causes me anxiety and it's not even my story. He can be a good dad from his debt-ridden house, but not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand having separate credit card accounts as a married couple where one spouse doesn't have access to another. A while ago, my husband opened a travel credit card to earn us travel points which is fine, but it drove me nuts because he was stacking most of our finances on it (and paying it off), but I couldn't effectively budget. I would think we had x dollars on hand, think we had the means to splurge on something, then suddenly see him pay out a huge amount each time he paid off the card, and realize we weren't as well off as I thought. Cue fighting. I now have access to the same credit card account so we can stay on the same page about where we are financially and we stopped arguing about it.

Plenty of people manage yours, mine, and ours accounts just fin. In this case, we'd have made the most lucrative rewards card the joint account and used that to rack up miles/points/dollars/whatever and synced with the budget. Husband's cards are for his fun money and have to be paid out of his account, my card is for my fun money and is paid for my account. If we accidentally use the wrong card, we just transfer the amount out to a personal account and code the transfer in the budget for what it was used for. Takes about two seconds to ask/text the correction. Has worked for us for 15+ years without the issue you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

It's not the dollar amount, it's the lying and hiding.

[Anonymous]

PP- lying about 10k is wrong, it could show he has drug or sex addiction and you just don’t know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

+1

I assumed all this drama was about much more than 10K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

+1

I assumed all this drama was about much more than 10K

10K is a huge sum of money to many people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

+1

I assumed all this drama was about much more than 10K

10K is a huge sum of money to many people

10K is one of the PP's post giving advice to OP, not OP's post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

a $10,000. credit card balance

Double that I would be concerned. You don't divorce over $10,000. You forgive and move on and make adjustments.

It's not the dollar amount, it's the lying and hiding.

This. It's called financial infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Any update OP? How did the discussions with DH go? Is he ready to follow your plan?