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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Fiance - Cat Tension
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Anonymous
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DF and I just moved in together. I have two cats. DF is not a cat person but he seemed to OK with them when we were dating.
Us living together has somehow stressed the cats out. Boy cat has taken a swipe at DH or hissed at him. The girl cat will hide whenever DF is around. DF also seems uncomfortable around them. Anyone have any suggestions on what i can do? |
Anonymous
| Get rid of the cats. |
Anonymous
Op here. I rescued them. I have had them for 5 years. It would break my heart. |
Anonymous
| Put up some secret cameras in your house to see what your guy does to the cats when you are not around. He may be abusing or mistreating them. If he is you should call the cops. |
Anonymous
| I think hiding is fine. The aggression, not so much. |
Anonymous
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Omg, do NOT get rid of the cats! Ignore that poster.
Have your DH feed the cats and offer them treats, over and over. He has to build their trust. Cats HATE change. It will take time. |
Anonymous
| It’ll just take time for all parties to adjust. |
Anonymous
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I would recommend therapy for your soon to be DH.
You should set him up with a cat behaviorist who can coach and counsel him in earning the trust of the cats. If need be the behaviorist can also work with the cats but obviously working with the human is easier. Here is a quick recommendation for the consultant: http://www.humanerescuealliance.org/lisa-stemcosky |
Anonymous
If my now-husband had suggested this back when he and his cats moved in with me, I would have thought he was a little nuts. Maybe don't start with this. Like PP said, have him give them treats or something simple. He's not marrying the cats. |
Anonymous
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Studies on cats have shown they usually take about 9 months to adjust to changes.
You can help by raising your fiance’s value to them- have DF do all the feeding, giving treats, toys if the cats like them. The rest of the time, have DF ignore them unless they initiate contact. Most cats don’t really like unsolicited attention. |
Anonymous
PP here. It is important that the fiance not being a cat person learns the proper etiquette of being around cats. It will save a lot of grief later on. |
Anonymous
+1. Do this. |
Anonymous
| What was he doing right before the hissing and swatting? Cats don’t usually just do that out of nowhere. Maybe he could just not do whatever he did and ignore the cats. |
Anonymous
Ah, be evil, be stupid, be dishonest with your significant other. Cat lady logic. |
Anonymous
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I would just encourage prioritizing your human soon-to-be-DH. The cats will probably adjust eventually.
My MIL has alienated my FIL with an over-fixation on her multiple cats, one of them essentially feral. It's a sad thing to watch in a marriage. |