Sick of DH's Behavior

[Anonymous]

Why are men not able to clean up after themselves? My DH is completely not able to function lately. He does not make the bed after he gets out of bed (last person out makes the bed). He is only is responsible for doing his own laundry and cleaning up his mess in the kitchen if he cooks/makes his own lunch. The laundry usually ends up in a pile in the laundry room for a week, then moves to the kitchen table for a few days, then gets folded and left on the kitchen table, then moves upstairs on top of the dresser for a week and maybe then gets put away in a few weeks. If he cooks/makes lunch, the kitchen looks like a nuclear explosion. He just leaves it all on the counters...crumbs....dirty dishes....etc. He asks me if I want breakfast on weekends and my response is: "No, thank you. I'll just have some cereal/yogurt, as I don't feel like cleaning up after you for another hour." I hired a cleaning crew and he complained that he needs to pick up his things before they come. I am like WTF????!!!! I really consider him a bad roommate and not a DH anymore. How to encourage better behavior?

[Anonymous]

do you have kids? if not, do you and DH want them?

[Anonymous]

Men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves and others. Mine does all house laundry, irons, cleans the kitchen after he cooks or after I cook while I do kid bedtime.
Was you dh always like this or is this recent? If always then it'll be hard as he's used to it already. Does he not like living in a clean house?
I did find that negative reinforcement does not work. Only praising does. So when he folds the laundry and puts away fast praise and say thank you. Yes I feel stupid doing it but it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves and others. Mine does all house laundry, irons, cleans the kitchen after he cooks or after I cook while I do kid bedtime.
Was you dh always like this or is this recent? If always then it'll be hard as he's used to it already. Does he not like living in a clean house?
I did find that negative reinforcement does not work. Only praising does. So when he folds the laundry and puts away fast praise and say thank you. Yes I feel stupid doing it but it works.

I don't feel stupid thanking DH for housework. I personally like being thanked for housework. So when he says thank you for vacuuming -- yay! I say it back when he cleans up or makes dinner or whatever. I'd thank a stranger, I'll thank DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves and others. Mine does all house laundry, irons, cleans the kitchen after he cooks or after I cook while I do kid bedtime.
Was you dh always like this or is this recent? If always then it'll be hard as he's used to it already. Does he not like living in a clean house?
I did find that negative reinforcement does not work. Only praising does. So when he folds the laundry and puts away fast praise and say thank you. Yes I feel stupid doing it but it works.

Don’t do this. I tried this and thanked DH for doing normal things like unloading the dishwasher or putting HIS dirty clothes in the laundry. We got in a fight and he brought up how he does so much housework. In his mind I was thanking him bc it was something extra he was doing for me. I have never again thanked him for doing something a normal human being should be doing .

[Anonymous]

Your husband does more than mine, be thankful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you have kids? if not, do you and DH want them?

Yes we do--16yo, 2yo, and 10mo. 16yo is very helpful with set weekly chores and does his own laundry. I do not ask DH to do kids' laundry or mine....just his.

[Anonymous]

Has he always been a slob?

[Anonymous]

You should sit down and talk it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves and others. Mine does all house laundry, irons, cleans the kitchen after he cooks or after I cook while I do kid bedtime.
Was you dh always like this or is this recent? If always then it'll be hard as he's used to it already. Does he not like living in a clean house?
I did find that negative reinforcement does not work. Only praising does. So when he folds the laundry and puts away fast praise and say thank you. Yes I feel stupid doing it but it works.

I don't feel stupid thanking DH for housework. I personally like being thanked for housework. So when he says thank you for vacuuming -- yay! I say it back when he cleans up or makes dinner or whatever. I'd thank a stranger, I'll thank DH.

OP--I do thank him always, but there are not many opportunities to do so.

[Anonymous]

You sound shrill, whiny, and controlling. Learn to relax. Take up yoga and meditation. The world's not going to come to an end if he doesn't put his laundry away as fast as you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been a slob?

OP--not at all. When we were dating: "no".

[Anonymous]

I think with three kids you have a very busy household. Either you take on what bothers you or you learn to let some things slide. The last resort would be to hire a laundry service like Suds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are men not able to clean up after themselves?

Men can and do clean up after themselves. Why your DH can't or won't is specific to him.

[Anonymous]

I sort of agree that this is your issue. He doesn’t care that the laundry is not put away, you do. You want things done your way. How about focusing on what things DH does well? What do you appreciate about him?