Sick of DH's Behavior

[Anonymous]

I would focus on the kitchen only. With 3 kids, who cares if the bed is made in the morning or if your DH’s laundry is put away on your schedule? If he’s doing his own laundry then whatever. My bed is never made unless the cleaners come and frankly I just don’t care. I’ve nefer understood having made beds unless you’re hosting a guest.

The kitchen mess, however, is a legitimate issue.

[Anonymous]

OP--having piles of unfolded laundry lying around for months is annoying....constant kitchen mess drives me insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP--having piles of unfolded laundry lying around for months is annoying....constant kitchen mess drives me insane.

Then clean it. I am sure DH is driven insane by a nagging wife who needs unimportant things done immediately and complains I don’t clean correctly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should sit down and talk it out

With a third party professional therapist.

Slob, passive aggressive, angry about something else, misogynist, adhd inattentive.
Who knows, but he needs to have some pride in himself and his property/house/clothes.p

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been a slob?

OP--not at all. When we were dating: "no".

How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of agree that this is your issue. He doesn’t care that the laundry is not put away, you do. You want things done your way. How about focusing on what things DH does well? What do you appreciate about him?

Is this his second marriage? Did someone already divorce him over his ManChild habits? I mean, who wants to grow old to that...

[Anonymous]

I dunno OP, but I agree that complaining about the cleaners is a step too far. My lazy, messy DH does that too, and I about want to strangle him!

[Anonymous]

Focus on what's really important, and push for that, but let the other stuff go, and try to put all that resentment to bed, because it will destroy your relationship. Will you be better off without your DH? If that's true, then don't waste your energy on resentment, just divorce. If that's not true, then don't turn him into an enemy. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not doing it on purpose. Is he feeling overwhelmed? Depressed? Looking for attention? Realize that this isn't about you, and that this is his house too and figure out compromises (can you buy a laundry basket and have him throw his laundry there, so it's not on the floor? etc.). Can you clean the kitchen together? Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would focus on the kitchen only. With 3 kids, who cares if the bed is made in the morning or if your DH’s laundry is put away on your schedule? If he’s doing his own laundry then whatever. My bed is never made unless the cleaners come and frankly I just don’t care. I’ve nefer understood having made beds unless you’re hosting a guest.

The kitchen mess, however, is a legitimate issue.

Agreed. The others are cosmetic things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do you have kids? if not, do you and DH want them?

Yes we do--16yo, 2yo, and 10mo. 16yo is very helpful with set weekly chores and does his own laundry. I do not ask DH to do kids' laundry or mine....just his.

Maybe this is part of the problem if you're treating DH like a roommate (or child) with his own chore list to complete but that's just making sure he doesn't have a negative contribution to the running of the household. He needs to make a positive contribution to whatever is necessary and isn't just a mess he creates -- like the kids' laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound shrill, whiny, and controlling. Learn to relax. Take up yoga and meditation. The world's not going to come to an end if he doesn't put his laundry away as fast as you'd like.

Looks like OP's DH is here.

[Anonymous]

He's gonna bitch about the cleaners? Too much. Lazy af.

[Anonymous]

relegate him to a basement room and kitchen so he can only make a $hit$hack of that instead of the whole house.

[Anonymous]

I don't care *when* other adults put their laundry away, but I do care if it's in communal space.

If he parks his laundry on the kitchen table, pick up the pile and move it somewhere out of your way. In his closet, on top of his dresser -- somewhere that it is his problem, not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on what's really important, and push for that, but let the other stuff go, and try to put all that resentment to bed, because it will destroy your relationship. Will you be better off without your DH? If that's true, then don't waste your energy on resentment, just divorce. If that's not true, then don't turn him into an enemy. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not doing it on purpose. Is he feeling overwhelmed? Depressed? Looking for attention? Realize that this isn't about you, and that this is his house too and figure out compromises (can you buy a laundry basket and have him throw his laundry there, so it's not on the floor? etc.). Can you clean the kitchen together? Etc.

OP--this is good advice. I have asked him to clean the kitchen together and he just ignores me or tells me to quit bit****.