If you were stay at home mom or working mom what are your regrets?

[Anonymous]

Would love to hear from moms who did it all and are done and over rising kids. What did you do? Did you stay at home or did you go to work and how do you look at your decision from the perspective of time? If you were to choose again all over would you do the same? What would you do differently? What are the best and worse things that you recall about being stay at home mom and about being a professional mom. How your decision affected your kids and your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Stayed at home 15 years (started when my son was 6 months old) and then went back to work part time when my kids were in 6th and 8th grades.

Not a lot of regrets, although the transition to staying at home was tough. I missed the camaraderie of an office and never clicked 100% with mom groups. But I'm so glad I had the time with my kids, even though I would never say I loved every moment. You really hear a lot more from your kids when you're with them more...random comments, questions, confessions, plus you get the chance to point out lessons to be learned, etc.

I also feel like I developed myself personally during this time. I learned to be frugal and developed a ton of domestic skillz while they were young, even though I would never have called myself crafty or talented in this area. I learned to cook, landscape, knit, sew halloween costume-level-stuff, and do easy home improvement like painting. I started a women's hiking group when the kids were in school and volunteered a little bit with their school. When I actually went back to work I found it interesting how many women didn't know how to even sew a button back on their blouse or plant a shrub etc and so spent money hiring people for these tasks.

My regrets about not working all this time is that I could have earned a lot more money. But the older I get the more I feel like the experiences were worth way more than than money ever would be. My oldest will be out of the house next year and the next just 2 years behind. Granted, my DH makes a decent living now ($150k) but when I started staying home in 2002 it was $85k. Our vacations usually entail East Coast family visits so we didn't have a lot of extra money for that. But I'm not sure how much I care about that stuff - it's the daily kid interactions that mean the most to me and that I want to encourage. When your kids are teens, you just need to be sitting there, not saying anything (preferably, ha ha!) - and this is when they'll open up to you.

Whatever you do, it will be the right decision. So many ways to slice it, and everyone's needs are different - kids, parents, and couples alike!

[Anonymous]

None.

I have been a WAH mom the entire time. Kids are now 13 and 10. When they were small (until 3 years old)we had a loving fantastic nanny. They really don’t remember it. Then, preschool and school hours were sufficient for me to work.

I had the benefits of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: None.

I have been a WAH mom the entire time. Kids are now 13 and 10. When they were small (until 3 years old)we had a loving fantastic nanny. They really don’t remember it. Then, preschool and school hours were sufficient for me to work.

I had the benefits of both worlds.

OP is looking for reflections from people who are done raising kids. Not from people
Still raising them.

[Anonymous]

Not completely done yet, but mine are in HS so I guess I have some perspective. I was a SAHM for 7 years and now been a WOHM for 8 years. No regrets. I LOVED being home for the little-kid years. Loved that my babies didn't have to work around anybody else's schedule. Loved taking them places. I made great friends with other SAHMs. I don't think home is better than childcare, I certainly know lots of kids who thrived in both. But, being a SAHM was great for ME, and for DH who didn't have to worry about childcare pick-ups, sick coverage, etc.

I was able to freelance occasionally during the SAHM years so I found it pretty easy to go back to work FT when youngest was in K. Love my job, started at a similar salary and level to where I was when I stopped. And have a great boss (who's always been a WOHM) who supports a flexible, family-friendly workspace for all of us. I WAH once a week or whenever I need to. Am never asked to work late.

There was a little angst about the kids starting MS and not having after care but DH was at that point on a project that let him WAH most days so he was around to keep an eye on things.

[Anonymous]

I WOH and I have a good life. My life isn't perfect. Every day isn't perfect. But overall, I have a great life. I'm grateful. I don't waste time on nitpicking and regrets. There is too much actual pain and suffering in this world for me to feel anything other than grateful and blessed for my life and the opportunities I have been blessed with.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been both. I had a career prior to kids, stayed home 1 year. Worked reduced hours for 8 years. Now back to FT.
I wish I would have not put so much pressure on myself during the 1 year at home. Wish I would have slowed down and enjoyed the slow pace while it lasted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: None.

I have been a WAH mom the entire time. Kids are now 13 and 10. When they were small (until 3 years old)we had a loving fantastic nanny. They really don’t remember it. Then, preschool and school hours were sufficient for me to work.

I had the benefits of both worlds.

OP is looking for reflections from people who are done raising kids. Not from people
Still raising them.

Thank you! This sounds like it could be a very interesting thread, as long as it's really just people who "are done and over rising kids."

[Anonymous]

No regrets.

[Anonymous]

So my kids are all over 18 but all under 22 so Im kinda done but still a huge financial and emotional support for them.

I stayed at home till the youngest was 12 and then went to work at their [future] private high school as a substitute in hopes of getting hired full time. I didn't get full time till they were graduated (go figures!) but my eventual part time position lead to 65 percent off tuition for the first and 85 percent off for any kids behind them. It was a pretty good deal IMO. I had to re-certify myself in my field and do some really bad sub jobs but it all worked out. I think I underestimated how much I would like going back to work and if I realized that I would have gone back when my oldest was in 1st. Part time [for me] was the best of both worlds.

That said my sister, who's kids are similar ages, was/is a full time physician their entire lives working 50 to 60 hours a week and her kids are just as confident, adorable, hilarious and kind as mine. They had good nannies and spent on amazing camps and all that and they had a great childhood. As my grandpa said "there are a million ways to skin a cat."

[Anonymous]

My children are grown, I have grandchildren. I stayed home with them until my kids were 10 and 15 yrs old. Then I went to college (married very young) and got a bachelor's degree in 4 1/2 years while also working part-time and raising kids. Worked in that field for awhile, now work in a different field, was married for 25 years, now divorced for 20 years. My kids are happy and successful, I'm still friends with my ex, I support myself just fine.

It was an easy choice for me to SAH w/young kids. I know other people could have taken care of my kids pretty well, but they couldn't love them like I do. That was very important to both my husband and I. We both felt that, especially before they were school age (meaning like 5 or 6, not 2), the best case scenario is a loving parent caring for them.

No regrets about any of it.

[Anonymous]

I had a great corporate career going until I had my second (of three) children at which point I ran a consulting business out of my home and then out of an office but I had a full time nanny. This allowed me to be very close to home for most everything that was important. I do regret not knowing how far I could have gone up the corporate ladder given I had an Ivy MBA and was doing very well. But, it worked very well from a family perspective as I had great control over my life. It helped that my DH was very successful so money wasn't a big issue. So while I wasn't a SAHM...more like a tweener....I'm very pleased with how well my children have done as adults and feel that my being somewhat close to home was a good thing.

[Anonymous]

no regrets

worked for much of my life FT (teacher for over 25 years)
married, had kids, worked PT for about 10 years

am not between jobs and loving it! It's only temporary, but it's such a good break.

Kids have been fine with any configuration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: None.

I have been a WAH mom the entire time. Kids are now 13 and 10. When they were small (until 3 years old)we had a loving fantastic nanny. They really don’t remember it. Then, preschool and school hours were sufficient for me to work.

I had the benefits of both worlds.

OP is looking for reflections from people who are done raising kids. Not from people
Still raising them.

Thank you! This sounds like it could be a very interesting thread, as long as it's really just people who "are done and over rising kids."

DP here, I think the world has changed a lot in the last 20+ years. The experience of somebody my mom's age (70) is interesting, but not always relevant to the choices and tradeoffs I have at age 40. Somebody whose kids are 10 likely has relevant info for somebody with an infant.

[Anonymous]

SAHM with 25 year old twins, one with severe SN. No regrets from either me or DH.