If you were stay at home mom or working mom what are your regrets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not completely done yet, but mine are in HS so I guess I have some perspective. I was a SAHM for 7 years and now been a WOHM for 8 years. No regrets. I LOVED being home for the little-kid years. Loved that my babies didn't have to work around anybody else's schedule. Loved taking them places. I made great friends with other SAHMs. I don't think home is better than childcare, I certainly know lots of kids who thrived in both. But, being a SAHM was great for ME, and for DH who didn't have to worry about childcare pick-ups, sick coverage, etc.

I was able to freelance occasionally during the SAHM years so I found it pretty easy to go back to work FT when youngest was in K. Love my job, started at a similar salary and level to where I was when I stopped. And have a great boss (who's always been a WOHM) who supports a flexible, family-friendly workspace for all of us. I WAH once a week or whenever I need to. Am never asked to work late.

There was a little angst about the kids starting MS and not having after care but DH was at that point on a project that let him WAH most days so he was around to keep an eye on things.

What work do you do?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, hindsight is 20/20. You make the best decisions for your family at the time. Most working moms I know wish they could at least work PT. It's really stressful to be a FT wohm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not completely done yet, but mine are in HS so I guess I have some perspective. I was a SAHM for 7 years and now been a WOHM for 8 years. No regrets. I LOVED being home for the little-kid years. Loved that my babies didn't have to work around anybody else's schedule. Loved taking them places. I made great friends with other SAHMs. I don't think home is better than childcare, I certainly know lots of kids who thrived in both. But, being a SAHM was great for ME, and for DH who didn't have to worry about childcare pick-ups, sick coverage, etc.

I was able to freelance occasionally during the SAHM years so I found it pretty easy to go back to work FT when youngest was in K. Love my job, started at a similar salary and level to where I was when I stopped. And have a great boss (who's always been a WOHM) who supports a flexible, family-friendly workspace for all of us. I WAH once a week or whenever I need to. Am never asked to work late.

There was a little angst about the kids starting MS and not having after care but DH was at that point on a project that let him WAH most days so he was around to keep an eye on things.

What work do you do?

Marketing research director, client-side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, hindsight is 20/20. You make the best decisions for your family at the time. Most working moms I know wish they could at least work PT. It's really stressful to be a FT wohm.

^^This.

Parent of two kids and I know I have not done a good job supporting my kids needs with therapy appointments, doctors appointments, assessments, etc. I am trying to accept I did the best I could, but it is easy to slip into the thoughts of my failure as a mom.

[Anonymous]

I worked and raised two children who seem to have successful lives (you never know). My biggest regret was knocking myself out when they were in school to volunteer in the classroom and also for home/school events, it was too stressful and pretty thankless looking back. It took time from my life and family that I honestly did not have to give. What my time was better spent doing was working with my children on their schoolwork and advocating for them in the classroom.
That really helped my children to be better prepared and gave them confidence,

[Anonymous]

SAHM for last 15 years. My youngest will graduate in two and a half year. I loved that I stayed behind. When they were younger I was very torn up for a long time about giving up my career, but my own need to stay at home with them was stronger.

Money is not an issue so I did not have a financial regret. However, I would like to go back to work once the youngest graduate HS, because not having the kids at home will be a huge vacuum for me. I have excellent marriage and my DH will probably work for another 14-15 years. He is encouraging me to take up some creative hobby, but I feel that I need to be able to go to an office and work or I will become very sad about my kids leaving.

In short, not an iota of regret for being with my kids and being a SAHM. I am blessed with a wonderful family and a loving husband and was able to spend the time with my kids the way I wanted to. There was no negative financial impact on us by my not working.

Now, I want to think of a way to fill my time that I will enjoy after my kids leave, and I am planning to rejoin the workforce. The next couple of years I will be studying for some in demand skills and will take it from there.

[Anonymous]

My youngest will also be going to college in 2 1/2 years and I quit working to SAH when my eldest was born. No regrets that I can think of. It's worked out really well for me to be at home for lots of different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, hindsight is 20/20. You make the best decisions for your family at the time. Most working moms I know wish they could at least work PT. It's really stressful to be a FT wohm.

^^This.

Parent of two kids and I know I have not done a good job supporting my kids needs with therapy appointments, doctors appointments, assessments, etc. I am trying to accept I did the best I could, but it is easy to slip into the thoughts of my failure as a mom.

Yes. Also, people are powerfully motivated to feel good about the choices they made. Regrets are hard. Most people have a hard time being honest about what they are, particularly when it comes to child-rearing.

[Anonymous]

Kids are grown and gone. I had SAH since the oldest was born. I loved, loved being able to be there to enjoy them and care for them, especially when they were little. Lots of joy. When they were teens, honestly, I knew that it was best for them to have an adult keeping an eye on them. Not so much joy, ha!

However.. I have many times wished that I had been able to find part-time work. I do realize that there was some sacrifice in my not working: self-confidence/ and lack of skill building for a future jobs/boredom. There was definitely a big cost to me personally. But would I do it again? Yes.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any. Glad I stayed hom, I’m glad I waited to go back to work until
The kids were older, I’m glad I found a job with college tuition remission, I’m glad I never had to pay for day care,
I’m glad I could be flexible when my husband was climbing the corporate ladder.

[Anonymous]

I regret not starting my own firm sooner. Working for myself has been the blessing of my life.

[Anonymous]

I have been both and I have no regrets about either choice. I think that we should try many different things during our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: None.

I have been a WAH mom the entire time. Kids are now 13 and 10. When they were small (until 3 years old)we had a loving fantastic nanny. They really don’t remember it. Then, preschool and school hours were sufficient for me to work.

I had the benefits of both worlds.

#winning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked and raised two children who seem to have successful lives (you never know). My biggest regret was knocking myself out when they were in school to volunteer in the classroom and also for home/school events, it was too stressful and pretty thankless looking back. It took time from my life and family that I honestly did not have to give. What my time was better spent doing was working with my children on their schoolwork and advocating for them in the classroom.
That really helped my children to be better prepared and gave them confidence,

This is so interesting. I have always WOH - kids are now in HS. When my kids were younger, I felt compelled to try to compete with the SAHMs by volunteering whenever I could. It stressed me out and if I'm being honest, I sometimes did it more to keep up appearances and not be seen as an absentee mom than I did out of some sort of desire to help or serve. Along the way, I figured out my time was better spent one on one with my kids (not to say I didn't ever volunteer) but once I stopped trying to keep up with the SAHMs, I found I made better choices of how to best support my kids. I invested my time where it mattered most to them, not to what made me look good in the eyes of others. Obvious, I guess, but it took me a while to get my head on straight about this.

[Anonymous]

No regrets. I stayed home until the youngest was in full day school (1st grade) then worked full time until the oldest was in 8th, and then worked part time so I was home after school.

Totally gave me the best of both worlds. So lucky I have a career where I can ramp up or down as I want.