Secondary infertility folks...
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
What did you do when you decided to not pursue any more treatment?
- Adopt - Donor egg - Embryo adoption - just be content with your one or two (or whatever number) children? |
Anonymous
|
So far I’m deciding to just be happy with one. I’m at the point in terms of age and time spent TTC that I can pursue a diagnosis. My OB said the diagnosis would likely come back “unexplained” as I had a child in 2017. My assumption is that my eggs are just “too” old.
The TTC time has just been so stressful for me that I don’t think I could handle pursing options that we would pay for and that might not work. As a side note, I was “one and done” until my DH was successful in convincing me how great it’d be to have another. Sigh. |
Anonymous
|
This happened to us twice.
The first time our DS was ~4 and we had been through 2.5 years of FET, IUI, just trying on our own when the money ran out and decided just to be happy with him as an only - we were getting to the fun easy stuff - no more diapers or naps or schedules. A month later surprise pregnancy. 3 years after #2 was still born, we had been TTC on our own for about 1.5 years and just decided to move on with our son still an only (7 years old now) after 10 years of constantly trying to get pregnant (#1 took 2.5 years and $25k OOP for treatment) - 3 months later, SURPRISE! She's 4 and a miracle but there's NO WAY we were up for that rodeo again (I'm mid-40s). DH had a vastectomy when she was a couple months old. |
Anonymous
| DE - but finally some good luck for a change and successful on first FET!!! |
Anonymous
|
We're in the be content with an only child group. I got pregnant on the first try with my son, and had a super easy pregnancy and delivery. Started TTC #2 when he was 10 months old. He is now 6 and I've never been pregnant again. Was told I have unexplained secondary infertility. IUIs, IVFs, and surgery all failed. All tests normal for me and my hubs. I am nowhere near menopause and have textbook perfect cycles. I eat mainly organic, exercise, and live a clean and healthy lifestyle.
We are still TTC but on our own. However I have zero hope that I will ever be pregnant again at this point. It has been an extremely frustrating journey, but we have decided not to pursue any more infertility treatments, donor egg, or adoption. I am trying to focus on all the benefits of being OAD. With my son being 6 already, I am starting to feel too old to be pregnant again. One of the many benefits of being OAD is that it really lets all 3 of us live our best lives. My son can do tons of activities, my husband can really focus at work and do lots of extra trainings and pursue his hobbies, and I have gone back to work full-time at a career that I love. We do a lot of traveling and all 3 of us are pursuing our hobbies and interests outside of school/work. I am well-rested all the time, and have time to focus on exercise, eating healthy, and self care. I don't think I'd be able to do any of these things if I had more than one child, so instead of being down in the dumps all the time about it, I'm trying to focus on all the benefits. |
Anonymous
That is a great attitude and I admire you for that perspective. How do you manage feelings (if any) of jealousy or bitterness toward those who have more than one? |
Anonymous
I wasn't a content with one person, but through the process of infertility, most of us encounter those who get pregnant or have success with ART easily. I found those feelings of jealousy were tied entirely to my unhappiness with my circumstances and not really as much about the other people. If you accept having one and see the benefits and joy in that, those feelings diminish (along with your unhappiness with your circumstances). Essentially, you get to put it in the past and move on. I did DE and am really happy with it - no jealousy or bitterness at those who didn't have to take the long journey I did. I'm mid-pregnancy, so it's all recent enough that when I think about the many disappointments I still feel connected to that sadness, but it's nothing like being there. |
Anonymous
|
I have no definitive answer yet, but my 1st is already 6 yrs old, result of IVF due to MF. Fast forward, it is now a combined MF and my age (I'm AMA). In the past 5 years, I had three positive pregnancy which all ended in MC before 8 weeks. I am trying one last fresh cycle soon and will end the treatment irrespective of the outcome.
My regret was not pushing DH early enough to afford the multiple IVF when I was much younger. I cannot get pregnant with DH's child without IVF (it is his condition that prevents me from regular conception) and I resent him for not taking the family planning issue serious until I was much older.... |
Anonymous
PP with the only child here. Believe me, for the first two years of my infertility journey, I was a complete mess. I was depressed, bitter, and angry but mostly just in complete disbelief that I got pregnant so easily the first time (with an easy pregnancy/delivery) and then was blindsided by a secondary infertility diagnosis a short time after giving birth! I was constantly researching and trying to find answers. I went to 6 REs. All of them said unexplained. I remember one of them said, "I think you'll be pregnant within the year." That was 3 years ago! The whole thing just felt very unfair. I spent two years grieving for the expanded family I could never have. I saw a therapist (which was useless). I hated being asked by people "why don't you have more than one child?" Then I realized all the mental energy I was expending on being sad that I could put toward other things, and I decided to stop being sad all the time and just accept and move on. I gave away all the baby/toddler items when my son turned 4, which was difficult but helped me move forward. I do still have a hard time with jealousy and bitterness but not every day anymore. I have made a lot of friends with only children, and that helps. I try to focus on all the positives of having an only. And I focus a lot of self-care, which I know I could not do if I had more than one child. I look at friends whose lives often seem to be in chaos with 2 + kids and I'm glad that I don't have to deal with that. It's not the path that I would have chosen, but I truly think that it probably worked out for the best. |