Husband being resentful about my forced furlough “vacation”

[Anonymous]

Title says it all. I’m trying hard to strike the right balance of chores, exercise, household projects, and yes the occasional fun thing like a movie or something. And he is having a major “oh must be nice!” Attitude.
And we don’t have financial concerns.
I guess I know I can never be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

But you have a spouse who will be paid and he’s getting things done at home. Be grateful.

[Anonymous]

I'm also a bit jealous of my furloughed DH. But we've had some bad week with kids being sick, so I can't say he isn't carrying his fair share. And it's going to be hellish for him when he goes back because everything on his work program will be 1 month behind where it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

Because we are human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

Because we are human?

That doesn't actually seem normal to me. I would never get mad at someone for something that isn't in their control. The situation sure, but they themselves? Doesn't make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

My DH should be HAPPY because I’m getting stuff done that normally doesn’t get done. And I will still get paid. I don’t get the resentment at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

I think because he is doing projects that are more important to him than to me, not picking up any of my usual chores to share the break, and then in the evenings he wants me to make decisions and help him with project things, but I am tired from working all day.

[Anonymous]

Ask him WTF he expects you to do about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

I think because he is doing projects that are more important to him than to me, not picking up any of my usual chores to share the break, and then in the evenings he wants me to make decisions and help him with project things, but I am tired from working all day.

This would irritate me. Can you articulate that? Or, at least, articulate your last point - about not wanting to engage in project work since you've been working? My DH is furloughed, and while he still has to work about 8 hours a day anyway (from home), he picking up chores where he can to lighten my load - driving the kids, running errands, finishing house projects.

[Anonymous]

I also think resenting a furloughed spouse makes you kind of a crappy person. Or maybe you really just don't like your spouse at all. I can't imagine being anything but happy for my spouse if they were furloughed because they work damn hard for us and a paid staycation would be well deserved. I also know they would pick up some more slack around the house so I'd benefit too. I mean, resent??!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

I think because he is doing projects that are more important to him than to me, not picking up any of my usual chores to share the break, and then in the evenings he wants me to make decisions and help him with project things, but I am tired from working all day.

That would totally be me if my DH was furloughed. Neither of us are furloughed (and we're both feds) so we don't have this problem but he would TOTALLY do this if he was furloughed. The house would be a complete mess every day and I'd have to do more work than normal lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TBH I kind of resent my DH too. He is working hard getting things done at home, but I would dearly love a paid vacation in which I get things done at home.

Not OP. Why on earth would you RESENT your spouse for something like this? I mean I get being jealous, or wishing it was you, but why be mad at them for something they have no control over?

I think because he is doing projects that are more important to him than to me, not picking up any of my usual chores to share the break, and then in the evenings he wants me to make decisions and help him with project things, but I am tired from working all day.

This would irritate me. Can you articulate that? Or, at least, articulate your last point - about not wanting to engage in project work since you've been working? My DH is furloughed, and while he still has to work about 8 hours a day anyway (from home), he picking up chores where he can to lighten my load - driving the kids, running errands, finishing house projects.

I'm PP and this totally makes sense. This is the kind of thing that can feel like it makes no sense though if the spouse can't communicate what they're actually upset about.

Tell him this. And not aggressively just like, 'Hey you know I love that you're getting stuff done but I am fried at the end of the day. And to be honest I kind of wish that some of the stuff you were tackling were projects that had been on my list recently. It is hard to watch you make so much progress on your to-do list and know mine is stagnant and I won't have an opportunity like this to tackle it. I know this is all beyond your control but I'd really appreciate it if you could do XXX tomorrow if you have time. That would really help me out.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm also a bit jealous of my furloughed DH. But we've had some bad week with kids being sick, so I can't say he isn't carrying his fair share. And it's going to be hellish for him when he goes back because everything on his work program will be 1 month behind where it should be.

One month? Are we going back? Do you know something?