Feeling left out
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Anonymous
| My second grader attends a private school in DC. He is very sociable, has many friends and has a best buddy that he is very close to. There is this mom of a boy in his grade who constantly organizes these giant playdates at her house, invites about 7-8 moms from the grade with their kids and posts about them on her facebook account, tags all the moms who attended and brags about how much fun the kids and the moms have. My son does play with the son of this mom at recess at school but he is never invited and his best buddy always is. I obviously see the posts on my facebook feed and my son hears about it the next day at school and always asks me why he is never invited. I definitely feel it's affecting my son's friendships with the kids in his class and especially his best buddy. I always set up playdates for him at my house but usually invite 1-2 kids. I honestly can't compete with the other mom (and I hate feeling like I have to, but I have a full time job and can't compete with SAHMs who have more time to plan and socialize) On a different note, the mom who organizes these playdates is very active in the DC charity circuit and invites me to galas she is involved with as long as it involves making a donation or paying a few hundred dollars for a ticket. How would you feel if you were in my shoes? And what would you tell your son when he is sad that he never gets invited? |
Anonymous
| I am not sure what I would tell your son but I would unfriend this person on facebook. Why are you facebook friends with people you are not friends with? |
Anonymous
| Just explain you cannot control what other people do. It's a good life lesson. Continue inviting friends over for your DS to play with. If it bothers you, unfriend this mom and hide her posts. |
Anonymous
| Are YOU feeling left out or is your son? |
Anonymous
| Unfollow on Facebook! Keep doing what you are doing (inviting and hosting), and maybe also nurture some out of school friendships for your child (and yourself). If your child likes the other kid enough to want to have him over, I would invite and see what happens. |
Anonymous
| OP, since it sounds like you are friendly-ish with the mom, would it be out of the question to let her know how much your son would love to attend sometime? I'm not sure that I would be ballsy enough to do that but maybe it would help. Its possible she just has her group she asks automatically and its not personal, just an oversight. I imagine I will at some point feel this pain for my own kids as well, so I'm sorry. It stinks and if you are also feeling left out, its understandable, I would feel that way too. |
Anonymous
OP here. If my son wasn't involved, I wouldn't care much. I have a great group of friends myself. However, with him feeling left out, I can't help but feel a bit left out as well as these playdates involve other moms too (not just kids). Is it just bad taste that the mom posts about the playdates? I never post when I invite people over to my house, I never post when someone invites me to their house and my guests never post about being invited to my house (or any other friend's house). It's just common courtesy I feel ... |
Anonymous
This. Also, I think you're combining two different issues. The first is that kids feel left out sometimes. It's part of growing up. It happens at lowly public schools, too. Birthday parties, play dates, sports, scouts... I'm sorry your DS feels left out and isolated from his best friend, but all you can do is coach him to not take it personally and find other social circles for him (some good PP advice above). The second, separate issue is the social media queen with flawless Pintrest pictures and a perfect family life. Ask yourself if you are actually interested in her life and fund raisers and things like that or if you are only doing it to try to keep up and make other people happy. Decide your genuine level of interest in this woman and then act accordingly. |
Anonymous
| Unfollowing the mom on Facebook won't help. If the mom tags other moms, her posts still could pop up in OP's feed because she is friends with those other moms. |
Anonymous
| I'd try inviting that kid over for a playdate or two. Maybe it will reinforce that they're friends too, and help him get included. |
Anonymous
| She wants your money but not your friendship. She has to the draw the line somewhere, and now she is closer to those moms she has already invited repeatedly, so their kids are closer to each other. It's all very high schoolish behavior of the mom. She obviously lacks the awareness of how you and your son feel. Hide her posts. Unfortunately socializing is not about being inclusive and nice to everyone, especially to those who could really use a friend. It's about being selfish and inviting whoever you want and excluding whoever you want. She's the center of her social circle and you are on the outside. Your son needs to be the center of his own social circle. |
Anonymous
| Are the other moms SAHMs? Maybe she thinks you couldn’t make it because of work? Are they all geographically closer to each other? I’m just wondering if there is an innocent reason you’re missing? For my kid’s sake I might bite the bullet and go to one of the galas. |
Anonymous
| I’m in a similar situation. There’s a group of SAHM’s who organize big group activities for their kids. My DH and I work and travel more often then we’d like but it’s just not realistic for us to try and attend their activities or try to keep up with them by hosting our own all the time. I’m sure it looks lovely from the outside, but do you really want to get caught up in a social circle like that? |
Anonymous
|
"Decide your genuine level of interest in this woman and then act accordingly."
This from above...I have had a similar-ish situation that really impacted me more than my kid, and at the end of the day you have to decide if this is a relationship/friendship you would like in your life. If no, then its hard but make peace with it and move on. If it matters to you (or to your son) then make a bigger effort, go to a gala, invite her child over to play, etc. and see where that takes things. |
Anonymous
It IS in bad taste. I would say something snarky. Possibly insulting in a passive-aggressive way about her overuse of Facebook. The mature thing would be to ignore like others said, but, if it happened to me, I would be annoyed and I would somehow find a way to bring it up. |