I'm not sure where to post this, but how do I become a more empathetic mother?

[Anonymous]

I see myself becoming my mother. She was never " in tune" to us. She had a way of making everything about her and not really letting us express ourselves. I can't really explain it but basically she was more into the image if motherhood and being respected than actually getting to know us. I always wanted a close relationship. The kind where I could not be afraid to tell her about my bad day because she would just brush my feelings aside. Or worry about what mood she'd be in. Or be yelled at if I didn't think they way she thought.

[Anonymous]

Sorry don't know what happened, but posted too soon.my own kids are small ,but I feel myself getting frustrated when they don't act perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Take a parenting class so you can familiarize yourself with typical kid behavior and what, although annoying to you, is normal kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

I have taken a parenting class and even used to work in early childhood. In my head I know, but I still be feel upset when they act their age. I'm just so scared of turning into my mom.

[Anonymous]

Are you anxious?

[Anonymous]

This belongs in the family relationships forum....ask Jeff to move it.

[Anonymous]

Therapy for your anxiety. It’s good you are aware of you propensities. Excellent first step.

[Anonymous]

Just the face that you're thinking about this means that you're empathetic, OP. Now, you need to practice drawing on your empathy to respond to your kids. Try listening more, modulating your tone of voice, and acknowledging their feelings. When you feel like yelling -- walk away for a few minutes -- and remember that once you've said something, you can't un-say it. None of that means you're giving up on respect -- in fact, you'll be modeling respect. And, you can ask for respect in return, just remember that respect doesn't necessarily look like obedience. In case you couldn't guess , I've been where you are, OP, and I know you can do this! Resources I found helpful were the PEP courses and the "How to Talk so Kids/Teens Will Listen . . . and Listen so Kids/Teens Will Talk" books.

[Anonymous]

You have self-awareness, where your mother did not. That already sets you far apart from her.

[Anonymous]

I read this somewhere - when I start getting frustrated with my toddler, I try to tell myself “he is not giving me a hard time, he is upset and having a hard time”. It helps to reframe my thinking a lot if the time.

[Anonymous]

Something I had to learn was to check myself when I found myself thinking (or even sometimes saying) “why don’t you just...” (do something I think is easy, straightforward, obvious). It usually means that for some reason it isn’t easy, straightforward, or obvious. Then I think through why it’s not, and it helps me understand that my kids are different people, and not just mini-mes. It helps me meet them where they are. Do they need to be taught something? Are they struggling with something?

It helps me not do a lot of shaming/blaming.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s hard to be empathetic if your tank is empty. Do you have someone who listens to your problems and provides unconditional support? If not, I recommend you find a therapist, OP. I have found that seeing my licensed marriage and family therapist once or twice a month has really helped me to be a better parent and partner.

[Anonymous]

One thing that I learned from my child was to say, "I'm sorry that happened to you" and, "wow, I can only imagine how that must have made you feel". Before I jump into doing what I do, analyzing, trouble shooting, trying to turn it into a lesson, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

My kids are bigger now, but when they were small, it always helped me to remember that I was all they had and they were depending on me. Definitely take the advice that a PP gave and learn what's age appropriate behavior. That'll help you to know that they really aren't trying to make you crazy!

Good job asking the question, though. It can be hard to admit that you need to course correct.

[Anonymous]

It’s also if you get frustrated and mad sometimes! It doesn’t mean you won’t have a close relationship. No one is a perfect parent all the time.