I'm not sure where to post this, but how do I become a more empathetic mother?

[Anonymous]

Where is the aggression? I was offering insight. You are very defensive! My guesses are:

You have poor relationship with your adult children
You have been told you have a PD
You've been told you are toxic before

Otherwise, what's your preoccupation with defending the bad moms who hurt their children? With dismissing the experiences of those who have suffered those bad moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the aggression? I was offering insight. You are very defensive! My guesses are:

You have poor relationship with your adult children
You have been told you have a PD
You've been told you are toxic before

Otherwise, what's your preoccupation with defending the bad moms who hurt their children? With dismissing the experiences of those who have suffered those bad moms?

Nope to all. I have little kids. I am for all purposes an attachment parent. I love my mom.

I would never dismiss a victim of abuse, be it verbal, neglect, or any other type of abuse. I would defend a "bad mom" who got frustrated a lot or didn't love being a mom and was essentially without options from being labeled with BPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is the aggression? I was offering insight. You are very defensive! My guesses are:

You have poor relationship with your adult children
You have been told you have a PD
You've been told you are toxic before

Otherwise, what's your preoccupation with defending the bad moms who hurt their children? With dismissing the experiences of those who have suffered those bad moms?

Nope to all. I have little kids. I am for all purposes an attachment parent. I love my mom.

I would never dismiss a victim of abuse, be it verbal, neglect, or any other type of abuse. I would defend a "bad mom" who got frustrated a lot or didn't love being a mom and was essentially without options from being labeled with BPD.

Ok. Do you have any personal experiences that color this?

What basis do you have in believing that moms are being mislabeled, and that it is a trend?

Having PD parent is different from having an imperfect one. It is really useful to children of PDs when they finally learn about it - helps make sense of confusing lives.

You said posters were "juvenile" for "blaming their moms."

But that is not what was going on in this thread.

You seem to have an overconcern with moms being mislabeled (which is not a thing) to the point of being dismissive of people who are hurting and having parenting struggles due to being raised by a PD (which is totally a thing, apparently books have been written).

Dismissing victims is something toxic people do. I gotta wonder what your connection to this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, everyone’s mom has a diagnosable personality disorder. Please. Perpertuating the idea that we must be engaged but respectful and awesome is what causes so many of us to feel inferior.

The truth is, even now, with awareness and help and men helping - this shit is hard. It just is. Work on you and improving. Stop blaming your mothers. How juvenile.

I'm going to stop you right there. No one is talking about being a Pinterest perfect parent. Being a parent is hard, . Being hard is not an excuse to be emotionally negligent or abusive. If you're spending all day yelling at your kid is resenting your kid for being a child you need to seek help. What happens in childhood matters it doesn't just magically go away when you turn 18.

Yeah, I don't think anyone said this was okay. I just also don't like this movement of painting all moms that struggled with this brush of 'BPD" now, in retrospect, from our positions of more knowledge and resources and countless more options. It just isn't fair. And I would be carefyl about setting that example for your own children.

I don't think it is a "movement." I do think that children of moms with PDs struggle, and so might show up disproportionately on advice boards. Anyway, the OP isn't posting about her relationship with her mom. She is posting about her relationship with her kids. Your focus on the OP's mom says something about you. I have a few good guesses.

Wow, you are so aggressive and nasty! You've called me a toxic mother, and told me you have a few "good guesses" for all the terrible things I might be. You have serious anger and hostility issues. I would be more concerned about that.

This is not about you. Take your crusade elsewhere.