Guys: can you fall in love with your wife again?

[Anonymous]

My husband told me he no longer loves me. Too many years of ups and downs I guess. I don’t think he’s slept with anyone else. He promised he would see a marriage counselor with me for the sake of our kids before filing for divorce, but can this even be saved? Can you fall in love with your wife again?

[Anonymous]

Two answers to this: Yes, he can fall in love with you again. Definitely.

But also, despite telling you he isn't seeing someone else, he's probably seeing someone else. Sorry but there really isn't a reason for a guy to go "scorched earth" with the "I don't love you anymore" thing if he isn't.

[Anonymous]

Great, but how? I’m not unattractive, but how do I get him to notice me?

I think he’s flirted with other women but I don’t think he’s slept with anyone else yet...

[Anonymous]

BTDT...he is only agreeing to counseling to save face that he tried everything and alleviate his guilt.

[Anonymous]

Maybe. But is there any hope of turning this around? What can I do to get him interested in me again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe. But is there any hope of turning this around? What can I do to get him interested in me again?

Pursue your passions, look hot and let him see other guys flirting with you.

[Anonymous]

Theoretical guys can. Yours won't.

He's told you that the drama of your relationship took it out of him. He knows that there would be more downs even after a possible up and he's not going there.

Looking hot won't change this. It's happening because either:
A) life with you is drama he can't take anymore (so please go explore that);
B) he's kind of mature or unrealistic and doesn't understand that it's not all roses all of the time (and he should go to counseling); or
C) your relationship with each other is unhealthy and he knows it.

Counseling will be a great way to explore this, but it's more likely to help pave your paths to your separate futures than to make him fall for you again.

And he's probably seeing someone.

[Anonymous]

Guys don't leave a relationship willingly without another one lined up.

[Anonymous]

Do you still love him? Like him as a person? Still attracted to him?

I know children are a huge reason you want it to work but honestly ask yourself if you still want him. May be an answer in there.

[Anonymous]

NP, but ....

Anonymous wrote:Do you still love him?

Sure.

Anonymous wrote:Like him as a person?

No.

Anonymous wrote:Still attracted to him?

No.

[Anonymous]

OP, did this come as a surprise to you?

Also - what makes you think he’s flirted with other people? And that he hasn’t slept with anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Theoretical guys can. Yours won't.

He's told you that the drama of your relationship took it out of him. He knows that there would be more downs even after a possible up and he's not going there.

Looking hot won't change this. It's happening because either:
A) life with you is drama he can't take anymore (so please go explore that);
B) he's kind of mature or unrealistic and doesn't understand that it's not all roses all of the time (and he should go to counseling); or
C) your relationship with each other is unhealthy and he knows it.

Counseling will be a great way to explore this, but it's more likely to help pave your paths to your separate futures than to make him fall for you again.

And he's probably seeing someone.

How do you know the OP is drama??

[Anonymous]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

But from the comments above it sounds like it’s over. I’m trying to wrap my head around it so when he tells me it’s over officially I’m more emotionally prepared.

First time in my life I have felt undesirable. No doubt I brought some of this on myself but it still really sucks. I wish I could fix it. I would love for him to want me again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did this come as a surprise to you?

Also - what makes you think he’s flirted with other people? And that he hasn’t slept with anyone else?

I caught him texting another woman. It was before it had progressed into sex, but my husband admitted he wanted to sleep with her. I confronted her (we work together) and I know that killed it because she’s afraid everyone in the office will find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Theoretical guys can. Yours won't.

He's told you that the drama of your relationship took it out of him. He knows that there would be more downs even after a possible up and he's not going there.

Looking hot won't change this. It's happening because either:
A) life with you is drama he can't take anymore (so please go explore that);
B) he's kind of mature or unrealistic and doesn't understand that it's not all roses all of the time (and he should go to counseling); or
C) your relationship with each other is unhealthy and he knows it.

Counseling will be a great way to explore this, but it's more likely to help pave your paths to your separate futures than to make him fall for you again.

And he's probably seeing someone.

How do you know the OP is drama??

The drama is more like kids were little and I worked full time (still do) and at times the focus was more on them than him. I was overwhelmed at times with all the house and kid responsibilities but looking back I should have paid more attention to him. So part of this is my fault.