Panicked about finances now that I see how expensive eldercare is

[Anonymous]

As I deal with things like nurses, etc for my own parents (which luckily they saved for) I am suddenly panicked about my own savings and retirement. We are good savers or so I thought and we put away for the kids' college education too, but all of sudden I don't feel like we are in good shape. The money goes so darn fast if you need a lot of care. It seems like I could never save enough to ensure high quality care. Also I do some things for free for my parents in addition to the care they pay for from professionals. I don't want to impose on my own kids and who know where they will live.

My dream has always been to stay working part time through old age, but I had not truly thought about what it is to lose my faculties and mobility and the cost of quality 24 seven in home care or nursing home care is astronomical. I now feel like being really thrifty. I know we still need to lead our lives and enjoy, but I hate the idea of needing so much money for a life I won't even enjoy by the late stages if I end up with say Alzheimer's. I wanted to save as much as possible to travel a lot in old age, but not to have 24 hour nursing care .

Anyone else suddenly get really stressed about money when you had to see the reality? I am endlessly fortunate they saved and I know this may be first world problems.

[Anonymous]

I used to worry until I decided to be proactive. I have a "business class to Zurich" fund which is less than the cost of half a year in care. I take the SAGE test from the University of Ohio every 6 months. That way I can ensure I catch the "competent" window of Alzheimer's. At the first signs I will check out gracefully and not burden my family and lose a lifetime of assets. You have a pretty long window but most people do not want to know they have it, they are more concerned about losing their driver's license than losing their minds, so they just sink into oblivion.

I got the idea after reading this woman's blog. It's and account of the wastefulness of Alzheimer's, completely unvarnished. http://www.deadatnoon.com/

[Anonymous]

Most people who need long-term 24/7 care need it for 2 years or less (because they pass away) so save up enough for that.

[Anonymous]

What does “check out gracefully” mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does “check out gracefully” mean?

Assisted suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does “check out gracefully” mean?

Assisted suicide

Where is that legal in the US?

[Anonymous]

Oregon, Washington, DC...it’s a growing list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: As I deal with things like nurses, etc for my own parents (which luckily they saved for) I am suddenly panicked about my own savings and retirement. We are good savers or so I thought and we put away for the kids' college education too, but all of sudden I don't feel like we are in good shape. The money goes so darn fast if you need a lot of care. It seems like I could never save enough to ensure high quality care. Also I do some things for free for my parents in addition to the care they pay for from professionals. I don't want to impose on my own kids and who know where they will live.

My dream has always been to stay working part time through old age, but I had not truly thought about what it is to lose my faculties and mobility and the cost of quality 24 seven in home care or nursing home care is astronomical. I now feel like being really thrifty. I know we still need to lead our lives and enjoy, but I hate the idea of needing so much money for a life I won't even enjoy by the late stages if I end up with say Alzheimer's. I wanted to save as much as possible to travel a lot in old age, but not to have 24 hour nursing care .

Anyone else suddenly get really stressed about money when you had to see the reality? I am endlessly fortunate they saved and I know this may be first world problems.

As an RN, I have no intention of requiring expensive long term care. Should I come to need it, my family knows my wishes that I have no desire to live out my years like this. I do a casual position in long term care and the number of adult children who insist on all sorts of interventions to keep their parents going, yet never show up to see how truly miserable their parents are is sickening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: As I deal with things like nurses, etc for my own parents (which luckily they saved for) I am suddenly panicked about my own savings and retirement. We are good savers or so I thought and we put away for the kids' college education too, but all of sudden I don't feel like we are in good shape. The money goes so darn fast if you need a lot of care. It seems like I could never save enough to ensure high quality care. Also I do some things for free for my parents in addition to the care they pay for from professionals. I don't want to impose on my own kids and who know where they will live.

My dream has always been to stay working part time through old age, but I had not truly thought about what it is to lose my faculties and mobility and the cost of quality 24 seven in home care or nursing home care is astronomical. I now feel like being really thrifty. I know we still need to lead our lives and enjoy, but I hate the idea of needing so much money for a life I won't even enjoy by the late stages if I end up with say Alzheimer's. I wanted to save as much as possible to travel a lot in old age, but not to have 24 hour nursing care .

Anyone else suddenly get really stressed about money when you had to see the reality? I am endlessly fortunate they saved and I know this may be first world problems.

As an RN, I have no intention of requiring expensive long term care. Should I come to need it, my family knows my wishes that I have no desire to live out my years like this. I do a casual position in long term care and the number of adult children who insist on all sorts of interventions to keep their parents going, yet never show up to see how truly miserable their parents are is sickening

My great grandmother lived to 103. Her mind still worked but that was about all. She was hard of hearing and couldn’t see very well. She had no control over her bladder and was immobile. Every morning she woke up and cursed because she woke up. For 2 yrs, she wanted to die. No interventions but her body just kept going. She was miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people who need long-term 24/7 care need it for 2 years or less (because they pass away) so save up enough for that.

That is a ridiculous assumption. It works out for you to believe this, but you have no idea what to expect.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of good discussions on bogleheads money and finance forum about retirement savings, the cost of long term care, etc.

I too have made my wishes known. Once my faculties are gone, I would prefer not to keep going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to worry until I decided to be proactive. I have a "business class to Zurich" fund which is less than the cost of half a year in care. I take the SAGE test from the University of Ohio every 6 months. That way I can ensure I catch the "competent" window of Alzheimer's. At the first signs I will check out gracefully and not burden my family and lose a lifetime of assets. You have a pretty long window but most people do not want to know they have it, they are more concerned about losing their driver's license than losing their minds, so they just sink into oblivion.

I got the idea after reading this woman's blog. It's and account of the wastefulness of Alzheimer's, completely unvarnished. http://www.deadatnoon.com/

I'm with you!

[Anonymous]

Is death by chocolate actually possible? If it is, that's my choice. Otherwise I will just binge like crazy in Europe and live it up and then bid adieu with whatever safe medicine they have that lets me go peacefully in my sleep. Now that I am seeing up close what it is to lose all of ones faculties and abilities and personality. I don't want my kids to experience the extreme caregiving needed. I'm exhausted. I want to die on my own terms when I am a ripe age and declining and I want to live it up until then. I will do regular testing so I can decide when I am at the early stages and if I get cancer past a certain age I am doing palliative care. I refuse to be in pain using diapers, barely able to move and not recognizing anyone I love anymore.

[Anonymous]

My mom had the "I'll work until I die" plan. In January 2010, she had a stroke. She has been in assisted living since then - unable to walk, dress herself, bathe, or go to the bathroom unassisted, and needless to say, unable to work. Paying $6,000 / month for assisted living. Doing the math, this is $648,000 (and still going). Fortunately, her long term care insurance covers about $4k a month, so it has "only" been a little over $200,000 out of pocket.

Her mind is sharp enough, and she does not want to kill herself. She does have an advance medical directive and "do not resuscitate" order, if it comes to that.

If your plan is to work until you die, or to only need care for two years or less, keep in mind it might not work out that way.

[Anonymous]

Extreme care for old people who should be just allowed to die is literally bankrupting our country. A massive cultural shift is needed.