MILs obsession with cooking with me
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Anonymous
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ILs are here for a few weeks.
They are very nice people, but as with anyone, very set in their ways about some things, food being one of them. So, when they’re here, I adapt our usual menu to basically only include the food that they like, which would be more “tradional” foods. DH and I would only eat those foods occasionally in comparison, as we have a pretty wide berth on types of foods we eat. In any case, MIL is obsessed with showing me how to make a particular accompaniment (think like bread, noodles, etc.). She bought me a gift of proper tools to make it last visit, and walked in the door this visit announcing we were going to make it together and fill our freezer. I have heard EVERY DAY about how “we” MUST make this while they’re here. First of all, your SON has opposable thumbs, and you’ve had like 40 years to teach him to do it. He never picks the tools out of the cupboard to make it himself. I’m really not that interested, as I already do most of the cooking and there are really good commercial versions I can make with pretty much no hassle. The home made version requires several pots and bowls, and if I make something, it’s going to be something we eat and enjoy often. In any case, I know I have to make this dish, and now I’ll have a freezer full that we will take half a lifetime to eat. I’ll just put on a smile, and know they leave soon. I just done understand her obsession with making this dish WITH ME, when she had a lifetime to pass this info down to her own family. Thanks for the vent. |
Anonymous
| You need to adjust your attitude. |
Anonymous
| MIL sounds nice and helpful. You sound like someone I wouldn't want to be married to |
Anonymous
Why? |
Anonymous
| You know it isn’t actually about the food, right? It’s about her understanding of what family and tradition means, and her desire to continue a tradition that is precious to her and means family or ethnic identity or whatever. She knows your DH doesn’t care, so she is putting it on you. You have three fine choices: engage cheerfully, knowing it is a gift to you MIL, not to you; talk frankly with DH and say he needs to do it with his mom instead; or tell you MIL as gently but clearly as you can that you don’t want to continue this food tradition, and you don’t want to learn. Just remember it isn’t about food at all. |
Anonymous
| I can understand how incredibly frustrating that would be! Is there a reason your DH isn't included in the cooking lessons? Can you pull him in? |
Anonymous
| My DIL is upstairs in the guest room sleeping. When she wakes up I’m going to tell her again how wonderful she is and how much I appreciate her. These threads always make me so sad. I’m grateful I don’t have a DIL like the OP. |
Anonymous
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OP, Tell your husband to get excited about learning the dish and tell Mom he’s ready!
I don’t blame you for being a bit annoyed. No one wants to be told they *have* to do something they don’t want to do, nor to be presumptuous about your interests and your marital gender roles. |
Anonymous
Why? Because OP is human? |
Anonymous
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OP here - I already decided and said in my OP that I would do it with a smile. They are guests in this home, DHs parents, and grandparents to DD. I will use kindness in understanding how important this is for her, but I’m just frustrated that this is on me.
FWIW, we’ve made this before, so I do know how to do it. It’s just not high on my list of things to suck up hours and destroy the kitchen for. |
Anonymous
| You need to get with your dh. And he needs to ask his mother to teach him how to make whatever because it's an important family tradition and have it be a bonding thing between the two of them. She sounds desperate and he needs to sort it out and leave you out of it. It's a one time sacrifice of time and effort and she'll remember it forever and you and he can refer back to "Remember that year old Larla spent a while afternoon teaching Larlo how to make the super special family recipe sauce? That was a nice day". |
Anonymous
It is very kind of you. Old people get oddly set in their ways about unreasonable stuff. If she is ok otherwise then indulge her. As I said in my op, id really work on not having this on you but on dh if possible. You'll probably end up with the cleanup anyway. |
Anonymous
You don’t know that you don’t. MIL has no idea. Besides that, she’s still upstairs sleeping, like she has been for hours after I’ve gotten up the last few weeks. I’ve gotten up early to empty the dishwasher, do laundry, clean the house, and make breakfast so everything is ready when everyone else gets up. This is aside from the fact I’ve changed our entire menu for them, stocked the fridge and bar with *only* the things that are THEIR preference, and have Waited on them hand and foot so they can visit with their son and granddaughter. This while working (DH has the off) and having a horrible cold. I just don’t want to do this one thing, that I will do anyway. Yep. I’m terrible. |
Anonymous
Do you have some Google alert that tells you when there’s any post where someone dares to speak disparingly against a MIL? You seem to pop up every time? |
Anonymous
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When I got married my mother-in-law came to visit and brought me a whole stack of what she thought were my husband’s favorite recipes. I told her I’d be sure to give them to him and that apparently wasn’t the right answer. I don’t cook. I don’t enjoy cooking. And that’s shocking to her, because I have a vagina and am supposed to take care of my man (despite also being lead parent of our three kids and earning 80 percent of our income).
I also find it very rude that your MIL decided how you were going to use your time. For a guest to come into your home and announce that you, her host, are doing something - THAT is rude. She should ASK. |