MILs obsession with cooking with me

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. It's annoying and exhausting ans especially demeaning that because you're a woman, she wants to do it with you and not her son.

[Anonymous]

I think since you have made this before with her that you should definitely throw DH under the bus. “Since you have already taught me this dish, it would be good for Bill to learn too. Plus it makes so many dishes to clean that I like to have him get a turn with that too! Hahaha!” And then walk away.

[Anonymous]

Op this is just something she is trying to do with you, possibly to create a bond, to pass on something from her family, to spend some time to get to know you and it may be easier for her to do that over a hobby than just sitting and chatting.

You know the one thing I have learned about in-laws is to pick your battles. This is a simple one. Let her show you the recipe. If there are too many left overs, easy, throw them out after they have left. You don't have to make this dish the way she wants, you can make it the way you want to. Look at it as she is trying to spend some quality time with you.

The other option is my MIL, who won't share any recipe. I have asked for years for some of her recipes and she won't share any of them. I have given her recipes but she jealously guards her cooking secrets. We aren't close because she pushes me away. Look at this as one of those things MIL's do. It's easy to engage with her for one afternoon and then carry on making the dish however you like. It's not worth the hurt and drama that can come with pushing her away over something as small as cooking a meal together.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP - forgot to add. Vent away. It's hard to keep that up for visitors that stay for weeks.

Maybe take a break every so often and go and run some errands - like manicure, massage, something nice.

[Anonymous]

This is a wonderful thing! I would feel honored if my MIL wanted to do this. It’s sad you don’t see how beautiful this is.

[Anonymous]

It would be nice if she asked rather than announcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know it isn’t actually about the food, right? It’s about her understanding of what family and tradition means, and her desire to continue a tradition that is precious to her and means family or ethnic identity or whatever. She knows your DH doesn’t care, so she is putting it on you. You have three fine choices: engage cheerfully, knowing it is a gift to you MIL, not to you; talk frankly with DH and say he needs to do it with his mom instead; or tell you MIL as gently but clearly as you can that you don’t want to continue this food tradition, and you don’t want to learn. Just remember it isn’t about food at all.

This.

I'm about to turn 50, and both my mother and grandmothers have passed. I've always been very pragmatic, but as I've aged, some of that has changed. I've experienced a few melancholy moments over the holidays when I've missed family and traditions. My grandmother was always trying to teach me and my sisters how to cook, and I rarely engaged. Now, I wish I had paid attention and spent more time with her. As PP mentioned, it really isn't about the food.

I'm not telling you your annoyance is unfounded. This forum is a useful outlet for venting. Get it out of your system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if she asked rather than announcing.

Exactly!